Peace out 2018...Hello 2019

Every year I always like to wrap everything up with some kind of end-of-year post. Even though I didn't write a ton this year, I still like some closure on everything that went down. Some years I write about the highlights (and low lights) and sometimes it's just a summary of what went down.

Last year it was all about how 2017 didn't end up being "My Year" liked I had hoped it would be as my first full year as a Chicagoan. So that was a huge bummer. Well, spoiler alert: 2018 wasn't my year either. However, it wasn't too bad of a year at all. I am well aware that with the many ups, there are always downs. No one constantly just wins, and believe me, I don't expect to. However, I just want to feel like I came out ahead at the end of the year. Last year I definitely didn't, but this year, I do believe I came a little closer. Below I have rounded up the positives and negatives of this year in the more glaring portions of my life.

Running

Positive: I ran two half marathons (#32 and #33) and two full marathons this year (#12 and #13). For the fulls, one was in the spring (Illinois) and one in the fall (Chicago), and they were both incredible. After being injured pretty much all of 2017, I was down; really down. I wasn't myself because I couldn't run. I tried not to lose hope and eventually started healing. I started off 2018 with a half-marathon in January that was proof I was getting back to where I needed to be, and was ecstatic. Running is such a huge part of my life and when I can’t do that, I don’t feel complete. And when I can do it, and have a goal I am working toward, I am just a generally happier, more pleasant person. So being able to run almost the whole year was something that I did not take for granted and was just so happy and grateful to be able to do.

Negatives: I didn’t PR in any of the races. I was so so confident I was going to PR in Champaign up until the last two weeks when I tweaked something in my hamstring/piriformis. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to run the race, and I did, so I’m super grateful for that at least. And for Chicago, with limited training due to another minor injury, illness, and travel, I knew it wasn’t going to happen and was actually okay with that. I just wanted to enjoy the race and have some fun and again, I did just that.

Family

Positive: As many of you know, I am very close with my family and it was one of the reasons I moved back to Chicago. I am obsessed with my nephew and love seeing him and FaceTiming him. It's always a highlight for me. He's the smartest and cutest boy ever, and no one can tell me otherwise. And we got a new addition to the family as I gained a new niece about three weeks ago. She's adorable, but I forgot how boring little babies can be because all they really do is sleep and eat, and then just do more of that. I can't wait until she gets her little personality too because I'm sure she will also be a force to reckon with.

Negative: My grandma died about two weeks ago. This is still really hard to write about because not only is it still very recent and raw, but because we were very close and had a very special relationship. I knew writing even this small portion that there was no way I could get do it without crying and I'm not really going to write that much because frankly, it's just too hard for me. I am lucky I haven't experienced much loss in my life so far (my Zayde when I was in 7th grade and my dog Reggie seven years ago), but that doesn't make any of this any easier. Maybe one day, I'll be able to really sit down and write about my grandma and all of our wonderful times together (McDonald's before Hebrew school, sleepovers before Thanksgiving, rub and scratching my back, almost 20 years of vacations to Florida, all of her -isms that we would constantly laugh about, etc...), but I simply still don't have it in me to do that right now. This has been a ridiculously hard last couple of weeks because of this, and I know it will get easier over time, but it's still really difficult.

Work

Positive: I am in my second year at my current school and I finally feel comfortable there and have people that I actually like, can rely on, can complain to, and trust. It's super important to me to have friends where I work because it just makes a tough job, a little easier. I like many of my colleagues and my admin team, and I also have a pretty good group of students this year who are legitimately excited to learn and grasp onto every word I say. What's not to love about that?!?! Additionally, I am more comfortable with the curriculum and even actually kind of enjoy teaching Chemistry now (even though Biology is and will always be my favorite).

Negative: I am still very annoyed with the bureaucracy in the school system. This was one of the reasons I left teaching in the first place in 2016 and it's not something that has gone away. I know this isn't just an issue in my school, (it's a big problem in so many schools all over the country), but that doesn't mean that it is something I can simply just accept. I cannot just be on board with the constant enabling of students and being told that I should pass a child even if they don't do the work and/or don't show any mastery of content. Sure, certain students need certain modifications and accommodations because of their needs, but also, nowhere in life are there no due dates and unlimited chances allowed/accepted in any type of workplace. It's just not realistic and it's a bad precedent to set. And I most certainly am not okay with the fact that when a student is failing, the question is always "what aren't YOU doing?" to to the teacher. There is absolutely no onus on the student and that does not help teach any kind of responsibility or life skills to the child, and in the long run is doing them a great injustice because they just expect things to be handed to them. I have a lot to say about this, and this little section is not the place, but one day, eventually, I do want to go back to school and get my PhD in educational policy and try to fix a system that is so badly broken.

Travel

Positive: I think I traveled a pretty good amount this year and had a hell of a great time. I was able to hit up Europe (Greece, Croatia, Turkey, Germany), NYC (4x), and even NOLA (my first time). All of these trips were amazing and fulfilling and I never wanted them to end. Going to and experiencing new places (and visiting my old home of NYC) never gets old and constantly fills me with so much joy.

Negative: There really wasn't one. Each trip was so awesome and so fun and I wish I could do them all over again. So I guess the only con with the travel is that there is never enough time or money to get everywhere else I want to go...but really, who has that?!?

Dating

Positive: Nothing. Literally nothing. Sure I had some fun here and there (wink, wink), but I really got nothing out of it. Of course I want to meet the man of my dreams, get married, and have kids STAT (and time is-a-ticking), but I refuse to compromise my wants and needs for anyone less than I deserve (and do so without being called "too picky" because if you really know what goes on in the dating world these days, you'd know what a fucking nightmare really is.) 

Negative: Everything. From a lack of actual quality prospects, to actually thinking I found a pretty good one and then realizing he most certainly wasn't, it was just let down after let down that makes me not want to do it at all. So I really don't. It's too demoralizing. When I do put myself out there and maintain a more open mind, it always bites me in the ass. And when I maintain a high bar (as it should be), I get called out for being too critical or judgemental, when in reality, that high bar isn't even that high anymore and dudes still fall short with basic common decency. That's the sad part about all if it. It's just not worth it to be constantly disappointed over and over again. Sigh. Being my age and still single and lonely is not what I expected my life to be, but here we are.

So that's a little breakdown of what 2018 brought me. In the upcoming year, I already have a trip to NYC planned in two weeks for my birthday (my 15th year in a row spending it there), have started training for the Illinois Marathon again (we'll see what this winter (and my body) holds and if that race will come into fruition for me) and I even got into the Berlin Marathon in September (but didn't get into Chicago). I have also started brainstorming for my Europe trip this summer again and already can't wait for that.

Do I think 2019 will be a great year? Who really knows for sure anymore. Whenever I outwardly hope it will be, it isn't. And if I don't declare that it will be, am I ultimately letting myself up for failure? I really don't know. All I can do is continue to do the things that make me happy and bring me joy and try to keep the negative stuff out of the way. Onward and upward to 2019, AmIRight?!?! Happy and healthy to you and yours.