Last year it was all about how 2017 didn't end up being "My Year" liked I had hoped it would be as my first full year as a Chicagoan. So that was a huge bummer. Well, spoiler alert: 2018 wasn't my year either. However, it wasn't too bad of a year at all. I am well aware that with the many ups, there are always downs. No one constantly just wins, and believe me, I don't expect to. However, I just want to feel like I came out ahead at the end of the year. Last year I definitely didn't, but this year, I do believe I came a little closer. Below I have rounded up the positives and negatives of this year in the more glaring portions of my life.
Running
Positive: I ran two half marathons (#32 and #33) and two full marathons this year (#12 and #13). For the fulls, one was in the spring (Illinois) and one in the fall (Chicago), and they were both incredible. After being injured
pretty much all of 2017, I was down; really down. I wasn't myself because I couldn't run. I tried not to lose hope and eventually started healing. I started off 2018 with a half-marathon in January that was proof I was getting back to where I needed to be, and was ecstatic.
Running is such a huge
part of my life and when I can’t do that, I don’t feel complete. And
when I can do it, and have a goal I am working toward, I am just a
generally happier, more pleasant person. So being able to run almost the whole year was
something that I did not take for granted and was just so happy and grateful to be
able to do.
Negatives:
I didn’t PR in any of the races. I was so so confident I was going to PR in Champaign up until
the last two weeks when I tweaked something in my hamstring/piriformis.
I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to run the race, and I did, so I’m super
grateful for that at least. And for Chicago, with limited training due
to another minor injury, illness, and travel, I knew it wasn’t going to happen
and was actually okay with that. I just wanted to enjoy the race and have some fun and again, I did just that.
Family
Positive:
As many of you know, I am very close with my family and it was one of
the reasons I moved back to Chicago. I am obsessed with my nephew and love seeing him and FaceTiming him. It's always a highlight for me. He's
the smartest and cutest boy ever, and no one can tell me otherwise. And we
got a new addition to the family as I gained a new niece about three
weeks ago. She's adorable, but I forgot how boring little babies
can be because all they really do is sleep and eat, and then just do
more of that. I can't wait until she gets her little personality too
because I'm sure she will also be a force to reckon with.
Negative:
My grandma died about two weeks ago. This is still really hard to write about
because not only is it still very recent and raw, but because we were
very close and had a very special relationship. I knew writing even this small portion that
there was no way I could get do it without crying and I'm
not really going to write that much because frankly, it's just too hard
for me. I am lucky I haven't experienced much loss in my life so far
(my Zayde when I was in 7th grade and my dog Reggie seven years ago),
but that doesn't make any of this any easier. Maybe one day, I'll be
able to really sit down and write about my grandma and all of our
wonderful times together (McDonald's before Hebrew school, sleepovers
before Thanksgiving, rub and scratching my back, almost 20 years of
vacations to Florida, all of her -isms that we would constantly laugh about, etc...),
but I simply still don't have it in me to do that right now. This has
been a ridiculously hard last couple of weeks because of this, and I
know it will get easier over time, but it's still really difficult.
Work
Positive: I
am in my second year at my current school and I finally feel
comfortable there and have people that I actually like, can rely on, can
complain to, and trust. It's super important to me to have friends
where I work because it just makes a tough job, a little easier. I like many of my colleagues and my admin team, and I also
have a pretty good group of students this year who are legitimately excited to learn and grasp onto every word I say. What's not to love about that?!?! Additionally, I am more
comfortable with the curriculum and even actually kind of enjoy teaching
Chemistry now (even though Biology is and will always be my favorite).
Negative: I
am still very annoyed with the bureaucracy in the school system. This was one of the reasons I left teaching in the first place in 2016 and it's not something that has gone away. I know
this isn't just an issue in my school, (it's a big problem in so many schools all over the
country), but that doesn't mean that it is something I can simply just accept. I cannot just
be on board with the constant enabling of students and being told that I
should pass a child even if they don't do the work and/or don't show any
mastery of content. Sure, certain students need certain modifications
and accommodations because of their needs, but also, nowhere in life
are there no due dates and unlimited chances allowed/accepted in any type of workplace. It's just not
realistic and it's a bad precedent to set. And I most certainly am not okay with the fact that when a
student is failing, the question is always "what aren't YOU doing?"
to to the teacher. There is absolutely no onus on the student and that does not help teach
any kind of responsibility or life skills to the child, and in the long
run is doing them a great injustice because they just expect things to be handed to them. I have a lot to say about this,
and this little section is not the place, but one day, eventually, I do
want to go back to school and get my PhD in educational policy and try to fix a
system that is so badly broken.
Travel
Positive: I think I traveled a pretty good amount this year and had a hell of a great time. I was able to hit up Europe (Greece, Croatia, Turkey, Germany),
NYC (4x), and even NOLA (my first time). All of these trips were
amazing and fulfilling and I never wanted them to end. Going to and
experiencing new places (and visiting my old home of NYC) never gets old
and constantly fills me with so much joy.
Negative:
There really wasn't one. Each trip was so awesome and so fun and I wish
I could do them all over again. So I guess the only con with the travel
is that there is never enough time or money to get everywhere else I
want to go...but really, who has that?!?
Dating
Positive: Nothing. Literally nothing. Sure I had some fun here and there (wink, wink), but I really got nothing out of it. Of course I want to meet the man of my dreams, get married, and have kids STAT (and time is-a-ticking), but I refuse to compromise my wants and needs for anyone less than I deserve (and do so without being called "too picky" because if you really know what goes on in the dating world these days, you'd know what a fucking nightmare really is.)
Negative:
Everything. From a lack of actual quality prospects, to actually
thinking I
found a pretty good one and then realizing he most certainly wasn't, it was just let down
after
let down that makes me not want to do it at all. So I really don't. It's too demoralizing. When I do put myself out there and maintain a more open mind, it always bites me in the ass. And when I maintain a high bar (as it should be), I get called out for being too critical or judgemental, when in reality, that high bar isn't even that high anymore and dudes still fall short with basic common decency. That's the sad part about all if it. It's
just not worth it to be constantly disappointed over and over again.
Sigh. Being my age and still single and lonely is not what I expected my life to be, but here we are.
Do I think 2019 will be a great year? Who really knows for sure anymore. Whenever I outwardly hope it will be, it isn't. And if I don't declare that it will be, am I ultimately letting myself up for failure? I really don't know. All I can do is continue to do the things that make me happy and bring me joy and try to keep the negative stuff out of the way. Onward and upward to 2019, AmIRight?!?! Happy and healthy to you and yours.
As usual...great year in review. I KNOW that 2019 is going to be amazing!!!!
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