What is Wrong with People?!?!?!

So at the start of summer, you all know my curiosity got the best of me and I got Tinder. It was fun at first because it was new, easy, and actually quite entertaining. But then I got bored. I've actually been meaning to delete my Tinder account for a while now. I'm kind of over it. It actually lasted much longer than I thought it would which surprised me, but now, I'm just done. Blah.

In my three month Tinder tenure, I went on three Tinder dates. All three guys were totally normal, but just not for me. Nice enough guys, but no real attraction. And now that work and coaching are back in full gear and I am training for two marathons, dating is the furthest thing on my mind. I maybe log onto Tinder like once a week, if that, nowadays. And each time I do go on it, I think to myself "If this is what's out there, I give up." Ugh. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with some people?!?! I know its only Tinder, but it's demoralizing nonetheless. If this is what's out there within a five mile radius, ages 30-34 then I give up.

Swipe and Wipe

I've now spent about a week on Tinder and boy have I seen a lot. For about every 75-100 guys I see, I swipe right on maybe 1-2 of them. Geez. This definitely feels more like playing a game on my phone than online dating. This is probably why I like it.

Some of my friends know that I joined so we've been talking about it more. We were talking about how it actually seems that there might be nice guys on there that are looking for actual relationships like a regular dating website. They see Tinder as a means of not having to put any effort into a profile and still have some good options. When they go on sites like OKCupid or Match, they have to fill out time consuming surveys and profiles, but on Tinder, its just a sentence or two and a couple pics. Easy-peasy. And once again, you can't contact anyone or be contacted anyone if it wasn't a mutual swipe right between the two of you.

I AM a lady

Every now and then I come across an article where I feel the need to respond to it and make my opinions clear on the topic at hand. Sometimes I whole-heartedly agree with the article and other times I just want to bitch slap the author.  Luckily I was on the same page as the one I recently read. The article Thought Catalog (one of my go-to blogs) entitled "6 Things We Need to Stop Telling Women They Need to Do struck a chord with me. The article was basically about  how if you want to be a "real lady" you are expected to do certain things. Well, you know what I say to that? Fuck that. That's right. Fuck that. There is no one thing that defines you as a lady or not. And not one thing that defines someone as attractive or desirable. You know why? Because as the old adage goes, "To each their own." I know I am not the right fit for every guy (Believe me, I certainly know that!!) and not every guy is the right match for me. However, I know one day my brand of me will be considered attractive and desirable to someone. And if its not, then at least I will have been true to myself and been me. I am not going to pretend to be someone or something I a not just to impress a guy. That's not how I roll.

Left!

So my curiosity finally got the best of me...I did it...I bit the bullet and downloaded Tinder to my phone. (Relax mom!!) Almost all my single friends have it and use it or have used it in the past. And I always hear people talking about it and although I know I won't meet my future husband using it, (and I'm super anti-online dating) I downloaded it. And I have to admit, it's kind of fun. It's like a game! I mean, I'm excellent at pre-judging people on their looks so this app is just up my alley.

Where Are All the Cute Men At, Yo?

The other day I was looking for a new book to read in my school's library. Then I saw it, with it's hot pink cover and some silver sparkle...It just kind of stood out to me. The name of the book...ready for it? How to Meet Cute Guys. Of course this is the book that caught my attention right away. Nothing like a little young adult novel (yes a novel, not a self-help book) to spark my interest on a topic I apparently need help with. I decided to pass on checking it out; however, I did skim it. I'm human after all. 

 Later in the day, I was talking about this book with my friends joking that I was going to take it home and read it cover to cover and we were joking around that unless cute guys are coming right to our doors (which they aren't), we aren't meeting them. This got me thinking, where can us girls meet some cute guys in this freaking city? I mean, seriously!! 

Onto the new with 32!

Well friends, its happening again. Just like it does every year, I am turning a year older. Thirty-fucking-two. I'm old. The good news is that I don't feel like I am 32. And also, if I must speak honestly (don't I always?!), I don't think I look it either. I'm assuming everyone agrees with that statement too so it's all good. Wink, wink. But really, in most aspects of life, you are only as old as you feel and to not feel ancient right now is good enough for me. 

As I've done the last two years that I've had this blog and celebrated a birthday, I like to look back and highlight my year. As with anyone, along with the highlights always come some lowlights and from them I can only learn and grow. As I get older, I continue to evaluate some of my mistakes and do my damnest not to repeat them. I'm not perfect, so yeah, sometimes I do make the same mistake twice. It frustrates the hell out of me, but in the end, it does make me stronger and better. So as I did last year, I am starting with the lows of the year and ending with the highs hoping to start 32 with a bang. Without furthur ado, here is how 31 went for me...

Needy is No-No

I have recently gotten HBO so of course I have been watching some old episodes of Girls. (I'm getting ready for the new season. Woohoo!) Obviously being a 31-year-old single woman who lives in New York, I can relate to that show. Even though I seem to have my life together a little (well, a lot)  more than the girls on the show, their real-life body, boy, job, and all-around life dramas are relatable and real. Especially all the boy stuff. For some reason, this show makes me really examine myself and the relationships I have. (And I use the term relationships VERY loosely.) Maybe it's because I'm comparing the girls' issues to my own or maybe not, but something always hits a little close to home.

Let me start this by saying that I believe I am one of the most independent people I know. Some might think I am too independent and because I enjoy doing things by myself waaaaayy too much. And they may be right. However, that doesn't mean I don't want a man by my side doing some (not all!) of this stuff with me. So here it goes... And it's hard to admit...but... I want a boyfriend. There, I said it. Blah. It just sounds so needy and pathetic. Like "waaaah, find me a man. I'm so lonely." I am so not that girl, but at the end of the day, its becoming less and less fun coming home to an empty apartment day after day. It would be nice to have someone to share my day with. Share my successes with. Send funny emails and pictures to. And to cry to, if need be.

A Few Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

Over the last two weeks, the topic of online dating has come up in a number of conversations with quite a few of my friends and even some colleagues. Many of them are on Match, JDate, OKCupid, Tindr, and perhaps even a few others. Some of my good friends will show me me pictures and profiles of guys and ask my opinion. I even love getting a text from some of them with a screenshot of a picture of a potential suitor or complete wacko. I will get a screenshot with the text "Thoughts?" Or they will forward a bizarre or creepy message that someone sent them. And some even screenshot and share the creepiest ones on FB or Insta for a good laugh. There are a lot of freaking weird-ass people out there who use online dating sites. And they tend to give a bad name to all the normal ones who do it too. Confession: I have tried Match before.  I hated it. It just wasn't for me. I wanted to be open minded to it, and at first I was. But I lasted maybe four weeks before I finally called it quits and let the rest of my subscription run out. By week two, I knew I was over it, but figured I would do a full month. Meh. A lot of the people emailing me clearly weren't reading my profile and what I was interested in and looking for. Like, I am not looking for a 54-year-old divorceé who loves cats and chess and lives deep in Staten Island, so please don't write me. It's never gonna happen. Oh, and one dude asked me to meet him in Florida for a "quick trip." Um, we have never met. Psycho.

A Girl's Guide to Football Sunday

Exciting news everyone: I am now also writing for the website Jones and B. Def click that link and check it out. It's a really fun, new blog on a number of topics and I am super excited to be writing for them, as well as continuing to post here. Everyone here knows I am a big sports fan so as long as football season just started, why not write a post about a female's point of view of Sunday Funday during football season? So without further adieu, here is my first post for the Jones and B website that I am also posting here. Why you ask am I posting here too? Because I wrote it, I like it, and I want peeps to not only read it here, but check out all the other awesome posts over there! Enjoy. 

********************************************************************************

Well ladies, summer is basically over which pretty much blows. It’s getting darker earlier, our tans are fading, and it’s almost time to retire the sandals for the season. Blah. On the plus side, the weather is getting crisper, Halloween candy is out in stores, and football has finally started up again. Woohoo. As a female, many might not think I care that much about it football, but newsflash: I care. Born and bred in Chicago, I am a Bears fan through and through. And I know and love my football. Although the Bears continually disappoint me season after season, it does not stop me from rocking my Urlacher jersey every Sunday, talking shit to whomever will listen, and enjoying the game. Whether I am out at a bar or in the confines of my own apartment, football Sundays pretty much rule. (And a MNF isn’t so bad either.) I mean, what beats a day of watching jacked, grown men in tight white pants running around a field? Dayum.

On an Upwards Spiral

A month ago I posted about how I had stressed myself sick. Yes, I literally caused myself so much stress and anxiety that I caused myself to get an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up. So that sucked.

Since then, I have been on four, (yes four) different meds to try and get my body back on track and it seems things are finally on the up and up. (Surprisingly enough, chill pills were not one of the prescriptions though.) It took an unsuccessful antibiotic treatment (one that has worked in the past), a moved up Remicade treatment which helped mildly, some stomach relaxers, and finally the big P to get me back in action. That's right, I had to go to the old stand-by, whom which I have a love-hate relationship with: Prednisone. As much as I hate being on that drug because of its annoying, gross side-effects, it usually does the trick. So far it has been the first thing in these 5-6 weeks that has actually helped me feel better again. I ran for the first time yesterday in five weeks and although it was a very difficult and awful run, I was glad to get going again. Just like after all my illnesses last year, I have to start from scratch and take my baby steps to build up that endurance. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

Stressed Myself Sick

Its been over a month since I posted which is very unlike me. Although I had been posting less and less and YOLOing more and more, I still miss writing. So I guess having my first blog post back be about my bowel issues is quite fitting.

Things have basically been going pretty great for me. I had accepted a very YOLO mantra to many things in my life including booking my Europe trip and accepting invites to events I wouldn't normally go and not worrying so much about the money and being up past my bedtime. I also think I even landed my first position as a spin instructor. (Things still need to be finalized on that front, but it looks like a go. Fingers crossed.)  But along the way, specifically in the last two weeks, there have been some bumps in the road that have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. And I am annoyed to say that after eleven months of being Ulcerative Colitis flare-up free, I am experiencing major gastro distress. Ugh. Yup, I stressed myself sick and am having my first flare in a long time.

Courting: Lets bring it back

I just recently read a New York Times article titled "The End of Courtship." The article discussed how single young people (and I include myself in that entire description) in today's society don't really go on real dates anymore. And it's a shame. The article was super relatable, interesting, and on point for the most part. I couldn't really argue with the facts the author gave, but I don't have to like them or stand to accept them. I think the real issue with the lack of people going on real dates these days is that guys are lazy and girls are accepting this. If men can get away with these things, they are going to continue to do them. Clearly I am no dating expert as I am a lonely 31-year-old single Manhattanite with no prospects on the horizon but I do know what I want and what I deserve and I will continue to stand my ground with that.

There were several points in the article that really seemed to jump out at me as something that I have noticed lately with guys and dating. While I don't date excessively, I can tell you this, when I meet a guy, he will make a plan with me, he will take me out, and he will pay. (Some people might disagree with the last one, but I am sticking to my guns on this one even though it is 2013.)  Most of my friends will agree with that too and from what I know have the same expectations as I do when it comes to a courtship.

Anyway, things have obviously changed in the dating game over the last few decades, but that doesn't mean courting someone should become obsolete. Below are my thoughts on some of the reasons on why this "trend" might be happening in response to different parts of the article...

Hooked

I've been watching the new show on MTV called Catfish: The TV Show. It's a television show based off the 2010 documentary by the same name. I had never seen the documentary but had heard about it and the topic was interesting.  In the movie, the main character, Nev, began an online relationship with a female and the film crew followed him as he discovered who she really was. (And it was not who she had perceived herself to be.) She was indeed a "catfish," which Wikipedia defines as "a person who creates fake profiles online and pretends to be someone they are not by using someone else's pictures and information."

The premise of the show is very similar in topic and shooting style. Each week, the one hour TV-show follows someone who has an online relationship with another person, usually for an extensive period of time, but has never met the person. It's the job of Nev and his friend Max, to uncover what the real deal is. Spoiler: The person is rarely, if ever, who they really say they are.

I love a good DILF

Recently, Thought Catalog posted an article titled "The Hottest Dads on TV." I pretty much disagreed with most of the dads that made their list but understood why there were there. Everyone has different taste in men after all. In my opinion, for a TV dad to be hot, he has to be an attentive father and be good looking, right? Those are by far the two most important components one would think. But sometimes other factors come into play either by the actor himself or the role he plays that makes the TV dad so hot. It could be the connection with his wife and kids. It could be his job on the show. It could be his witty sense of humor. Or it could just be some strange random attraction that is unexplainable. Sometimes, there are even some TV dads I would go as far as calling TV DILFs. (If you have no idea what I mean by DILF, then maybe you should stop reading. No, no! Just kidding, I would never want anyone to stop reading, but seriously, get with it. A DILF is a "Dad I'd Like to Fuck." Duh.)

Many TV shows have dorky dads (i.e Danny Tanner on Full House). Old dads (i.e Jay Pritchett on Modern Family). Ugly dads. But some TV shows actually have dads that I wouldn't mind dating or eventually ending up with. Some in real life, some not so much. In real life though, I would not consider dating someone that is a dad. Baggage. At my age, I think I still have the right to be choosey about this and don't have to settle for someone divorced or with child. It just seems like a lot to process for me at this age. Some might call it close-minded and too picky for someone that is 30 and still single, but for now, that is how I feel about that. But enough about my ridiculous standards for men, lets get back to these TV dads. Below are some dads that I really do find attractive even though they are, gasp, dads.  So here it goes, my list of TV's DILF's...

1) Eric Taylor. (Friday Night Lights). Let me start this list with my favorite TV dad of all, Coach Eric Taylor. I love everything about this man. He has the looks, the charm, the accent, the football, and treats his wife and kids with respect. What's not to like about him? 
 
2) Christopher Hayden  (Gilmore Girls). Did you even know his last name was Hayden? Probably not. Even I had to look that one up. Chris wasn't the most responsible or the most involved father, but he was damn hot. Rory definitely had fox as a father. I guess that's because he wasn't that old (him and Lorelei had Rory when they were teens) and he kept his good looks as he got a bit older.

On to the Next...

This summer was a good one as I have mentioned many times before. One of the things that made it super fun was the dating I did. (Mother, don't even ask. Thanks a bunch. I don't have to tell you everything. ) Meeting different people, especially cute men, is always a good time. Amiright? I mean, who doesn't want to talk to a cute guy that is seemingly enjoying himself talking to you?

I met some of these guys through friends and the others out at bars. And sometimes a combination of both. I think my "have an open mind" mindset and my "you have nothing to lose" mentality mixed together this summer gave me a little more confidence with the opposite sex. I consider myself a pretty outgoing person but not the most self-confident all the time, especially when it comes to guys. However, I really tried to put those negative feelings to the side this summer and it rewarded me with quite a few dates. (And gave me some pretty great stories to share with my friends.) Some of these dates were with guys I could see myself actually dating (few and far between), and some were just plain old good times with no real future.

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad WEEK

I've had a pretty awesome summer this far. I have been healthy (Ulcerative Colitis is finally under control) and I have been having so much fun. Trying new things. Partying. Meeting lots of new people (hello gentlemen). Getting my tan on. However, last week was just awful. With a capital "A." I was Alexander, and it was my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad WEEK. After everything was going so well for so long, it was about time for that other shoe to drop, and I guess better now then two weeks from now when work starts up again. Blaaaah. My luck has already begun to change a bit this weekend and things are definitely start looking up. It has to. It needs to. 

I hate to think that I was so lucky to have things work in my favor for so long that something bad was bound to happen. That's no way to think through life, but that's how my brain works. I can only hope that because all these bad things happened within a one-week span, that will be the worst of it and things will continue to turn around for the better. So what happened in the last week that really dampened my spirits. (As I wrote this Friday night, things had not yet started to turn around. However, after I had originally written it, things began to get better as evidenced by my updates.) Well, here it goes...

Waiving those Red Flags

When you start dating someone, you are happy, giddy, and excited. You finally met someone you are interested in and may want them to become your official significant other. When you guys are together the first few times, you are the best "you" you can be, all while being yourself. You assume the same about him as well. You two want to get to know each other and show each other why you are so great and should be with each other. During this initial courting/dating period though, sometimes us ladies might ignore the "red flags" that guys might be throwing. These are things you notice in other people all the time, but the blinders might come on when you actually like someone.

It's good to be open-minded when you are first dating someone because you don't want to dismiss them for one little thing. But if that one little thing that is annoying/rude/irritating keeps happening, can you ignore it? If he does a bunch of different annoying/rude/irritating things that all keep adding up, can you just forget about them because you like him so much? I don't think so.  How many red flags are too many?

Screw the Rules

One of the many shows that I watch is Bravo's Miss Advised. If you haven't seen or heard of this show, its about three women, who are "dating experts" yet are all single. They all give advice to other women all over the country from their respective roles (author, matchmaker, sex expert), yet don't seem to follow their own advice when it comes to guys and dating. So that's the role I am going to play today. I am the single 30-year-old woman giving dating advice. You know, because I am such a pro at landing a man. Work with me here.

Even though its 2012, there still seems to be these "rules" out there that both guys and girls think exist and have to be followed to gain a significant other. Well, guess what? They don't. If you like someone, freaking call them. If you have sex with someone on the first date, you are not a whore or a slut. Do what feels right. I mean, really, if you know who you are and what you want, then do what you need to do. Screw the rules.

How Rude!

I recently read an article online about how forgetting someone's name can be "sublty disrespectful, and by subtly, we mean with a blatant disregard for giving a shit about other people’s feelings." This pretty much sums up the situation. And as someone who has been on both ends of this situation and some others, its pretty annoying. Whether or not the person is doing it intentionally or unintentionally, it can be super insulting. In the words of Stephanie Tanner "How rude!" But seriously, there are some things that people can do that perhaps have no intention of being rude, but really end up being so. Below are a few of these things...

1) "What's your name again?" The classic mentioned above and in the article I mentioned. This is something I rarely will ask someone even though I forget their name. I have too much pride to ask them again if I have already asked once. It shows them I totally didn't listen and/or care the first time they told me. When I first meet someone at a party or a bar and assume I will never speak to or see them again, I really make little effort to remember their name. Bad habit, I know. And the fact that I am usually heavily drinking compounds this problem. However, as the night progresses and we do begin to chat, I will feel embarrassed I don't remember their name so will have a friend find out or introduce themselves so I don't look like the asshole. It's even worse if you are speaking to this person and they are like "hey, do you even remember my name?" and you have no idea. Um yes, this has happened to me. And then I will take a guess or two and maybe be lucky, but usually come off looking like a dick.

Kyrptonite

"He's your kryptonite you know, right?" Yes, yes I know this already. And I hate myself for it. Why oh why does he do this to me? And does he really even know he is doing this to me? And why oh why do I let him get to me like this?

According to UrbanDictionary.com, Kryptonite can be defined as "Related to the Superman movies: Superman's weakness. The only thing that can hurt the man of steel. A man/woman that calls someone their Kryptonite means that they are their weakness. Someone or something they have to stay away from because they want it even though it's not good for them or will hurt them. Someone you want but can't have can be called your Kryptonite.
Ex)  "You like Jane?"
          "Yeah dude but I gotta stay away from her because she's got a boyfriend. She's my Kryptonite."