Colonoscopies and TMI...

I woke up this morning feeling the skinniest I have felt in a very long time. I wish the reason was because my body finally realized that my exercise and eating habits should be externally shown, but nope, it's because starting at around six o'clock last night, I was pooping my brains out. Don't worry, no UC flare here, but instead, I was prepping for a colonoscopy. Don't be too jealous of my life right now. (Warning: Lots of poop talk below so read on only if okay with that. But really if you're friends with me, you are, so go right ahead.)

Anyway, today I was scheduled for a standard colonoscopy because I haven't had one in a long time. I've actually never even had one here in New York and I've never actually had one when I was healthy. so these were two new parts of this whole experience for me. My previous three colonoscopies were all in Chicago and all because of bad flares. And because this wasn't my first rodeo, I knew what to expect. (See below of a mini recap of past colonoscopies and one sigmoidoscopy.) If you've ever had one of these before, you know the prep for the actual colonoscopy is far worse than the actual procedure. If you don't know that, let me explain...

An Oasis Indeed

Last summer I did one of the most rewarding things of my life: I volunteered at CCFA's Camp Oasis. I vowed after being there that I would most definitely be back again this summer. Well, I just finished my second week there and once again, it ended up being being one of the highlights of my summer and something that really left an impression on me. (If you haven't read last summer's post, go quickly and read it. Seriously. NOW. Like, for real.) Even though nothing will compare to my first summer at Camp Oasis, this one was pretty fantastic for many of the same reasons, but also quite a few new ones. I knew what to expect as far as activities, I knew most of the people now, and I was a little more used to overnight camp living.

Lately...

I know I have been kind of MIA lately but life has been so hectic. A lot has been going on and my mind has been racing and my body has been moving. It's been hard to slow down for a second and really write. Nothing specific has really happened that has inspired me to write a post but since so much has been happening, I thought I'd kind of put it out there what I've been doing and what I've been into.

In the last month, I still have been living the usual life of working out, work, basketball, sleep, repeat. Of course there is eating in there (you can trust me on that), but that's about it.  I have time for the occasional errands and TV (duh!!) but not much else because in the little down time I get, I try to get just lay around alone to maintain my sanity. It's amazing though how you can be around people literally all day and then want some alone time, but then be lonely. But it's true because it happens to me every day.

All in all though, I can't really complain that much of my recent coming and goings, but here's the recent scoop of what's new. Here's what's been happening lately...

1) I discovered Broad City. Ummm where has this show been all my life? I don't know why it took me so long to find my absolute new favorite TV show, but this is it. Broad City is the shit. My parents bought Amazon Prime when it went on sale a few weeks ago and I got access to the account, naturally. I then ordered the Amazon Fire stick, and vóila, this was on there. I had heard about it a few times in passing but didn't really know what it was about. But as soon as I started it, I couldn't stop. It was freaking hilarious. Abbi and Ilana are my spirit animals and we need to be friends. They are too fucking funny. Seriously, if you haven't seen this show, start now. I am now all caught up with real time and it sucks having to wait a week in between episodes. #firstworldproblems

I Can't Wait to go Back!

Three years ago I had the worst Ulcerative Colitis flare of my life. I was hospitalized for three days and talk of surgery to remove part of my colon even came up. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. However, that was three years ago and luckily my health is better today. I wish I could say my UC was totally in control but I still get flare ups at least once a year (minimum), but I think I may be on a Remicade and medication treatment plan that is finally consistently working. Ever since being so sick, I vowed to get more involved in the the Crohns and Colitis community through the CCFA (Crohns and Colitis Foundation of America). I even made it one of my goals for the 2014 year.  Even though I've had UC for over ten years, I decided that I want to make getting involved more of a priority.

Right back at it...

It's been a little over a month since my last post. Unfortunately, my Ulcerative Colitis flare did not leave as fast as it came. First I tried prednisone. No improvement. Then Flagyl (an antibiotic). Mild improvement followed by a stand still. Finally, I got my Remicade treatment moved up three weeks early and that seemed to do the trick. Such a relief. Five weeks of misery, pain, and thoughts of "okay, should I just go the ER now" running through my head each night. Suuuucccckkkks.  However, I am now thrilled to say that I am 100% back to good ole me. And I'm so grateful. When you are sick week after week, you start to forget how nice it is to sleep through the night without having to get up 8-10 times to poop. You realize that having a solid poop is such a treat. (You're welcome to all of you that got texts from me telling you as much!) And you forget how nice it is to wake up and think "Whoa, I feel good today." It's a feeling I certainly don't take for granted.

It better leave as fast as it came!

March, you are starting out to be a mega bitch and I'm not liking you. February was ending so well for me and I was looking forward toward spring and all the good that was on the way. I've really been trying to stay positive lately. The start of the year has been rough on me and I had been in quite a funk. The last three weeks or so I was starting to come out of it a bit. So far the year 2014 has been all about me bettering myself and trying to love myself more. I'm not going to lie, this has been quite a struggle for me, but I am taking baby steps in getting where I want and need to be. Then Friday night happened...

Onto the new with 32!

Well friends, its happening again. Just like it does every year, I am turning a year older. Thirty-fucking-two. I'm old. The good news is that I don't feel like I am 32. And also, if I must speak honestly (don't I always?!), I don't think I look it either. I'm assuming everyone agrees with that statement too so it's all good. Wink, wink. But really, in most aspects of life, you are only as old as you feel and to not feel ancient right now is good enough for me. 

As I've done the last two years that I've had this blog and celebrated a birthday, I like to look back and highlight my year. As with anyone, along with the highlights always come some lowlights and from them I can only learn and grow. As I get older, I continue to evaluate some of my mistakes and do my damnest not to repeat them. I'm not perfect, so yeah, sometimes I do make the same mistake twice. It frustrates the hell out of me, but in the end, it does make me stronger and better. So as I did last year, I am starting with the lows of the year and ending with the highs hoping to start 32 with a bang. Without furthur ado, here is how 31 went for me...

Shameless Promotion

Over past three years while having this blog, I have shared a lot of things. Some of them funny and ridiculous. And some thoughtful and serious about my everyday life. And of course, I have honestly (and sometimes graphically) shared my struggles related to my Ulcerative Colitis. I have explained what happens to me when I have a UC flare, why I may get the flare, what happens when I am steroids to treat the flare, and how it affects my mental game too. When I am sick, it obviously affects me so much physically, but what some people don't realize is that when you get sick over and over again, its annoying because you can't live your life and therefore affects you a lot mentally too. When you are flaring, you can't do the things you love and sometimes, you can't even do the little everyday things you take for granted. To get sick, then better, then sick then better, over and over can be frustrating. You get knocked down and have to get back up over and over without fear of it happening again.

On an Upwards Spiral

A month ago I posted about how I had stressed myself sick. Yes, I literally caused myself so much stress and anxiety that I caused myself to get an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up. So that sucked.

Since then, I have been on four, (yes four) different meds to try and get my body back on track and it seems things are finally on the up and up. (Surprisingly enough, chill pills were not one of the prescriptions though.) It took an unsuccessful antibiotic treatment (one that has worked in the past), a moved up Remicade treatment which helped mildly, some stomach relaxers, and finally the big P to get me back in action. That's right, I had to go to the old stand-by, whom which I have a love-hate relationship with: Prednisone. As much as I hate being on that drug because of its annoying, gross side-effects, it usually does the trick. So far it has been the first thing in these 5-6 weeks that has actually helped me feel better again. I ran for the first time yesterday in five weeks and although it was a very difficult and awful run, I was glad to get going again. Just like after all my illnesses last year, I have to start from scratch and take my baby steps to build up that endurance. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

Stressed Myself Sick

Its been over a month since I posted which is very unlike me. Although I had been posting less and less and YOLOing more and more, I still miss writing. So I guess having my first blog post back be about my bowel issues is quite fitting.

Things have basically been going pretty great for me. I had accepted a very YOLO mantra to many things in my life including booking my Europe trip and accepting invites to events I wouldn't normally go and not worrying so much about the money and being up past my bedtime. I also think I even landed my first position as a spin instructor. (Things still need to be finalized on that front, but it looks like a go. Fingers crossed.)  But along the way, specifically in the last two weeks, there have been some bumps in the road that have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. And I am annoyed to say that after eleven months of being Ulcerative Colitis flare-up free, I am experiencing major gastro distress. Ugh. Yup, I stressed myself sick and am having my first flare in a long time.

Stocking up on Undies

As mentioned in my previous blog post, I am headed to Europe this summer for three weeks. I will be seeing many different cities in eight different countries in those three weeks and am beyond excited. I have never been to Europe before or traveled alone so this is a big deal for me. My airline tickets are booked and the trip is now paid in full so there is no looking back now. Only forward. And I guess that's the best way to live life anyway.

Although I am super psyched for this trip, I am very nervous as well. As per my usual fashion, there is always some anxiety to go with everything. (Working on this. And getting better actually.) On a trip so long and so far away, of course there are the usual concerns of the language barrier, getting lost, not seeing everything I want to see in such a short time, etc... And then there are the not-so-normal concerns that cross my mind. Of course I am not going to let any of these ruin this trip of a lifetime, so I am open to any and all suggestions to alleviate any stress related to any of these. With that being said, here are some of the worries I already have about my upcoming Europe trip.

1) Laundry. This is by far my biggest cause of anxiety for this trip. (#firstworldproblems, huh?) 24 days. 1 suitcase. Summer heat and humidity. This adds up to sweaty, smelly clothes day after day. I can't go out and buy a completely new Europe wardrobe with outfits for each day. That would be silly. (But if I could afford it I probably would.) I also know Europe is not basketball shorts-tank top (my go-to summer attire) friendly for walking around so I will have to mostly wear dresses. This is totally fine also. Those who know me, know I have plenty of those. (Some might say too many.) Since I will be in a different hotel pretty much every night, I don't know if I will have time to send them for the laundry service. (But if I can, I most def will.) I do plan to take a shampoo size bottle of detergent and handwash and hang some stuff every few days, but I can't do this with everything. I am not one for re-wearing clothes that are unwashed, but I may have to get over that. I will however, stock up on extra underwear and bras. That's for damn sure.

Fun Fun 31

Well, my "Dirty 30" has come and gone and I am now the ripe old age of 31. Sigh. I really thought 30 was going to be my year, but alas, it wasn't. That's okay because I know I have so many more ahead of me. And I am hoping bigger and better is still to come for me. It has to.

Like most years, there were the highs and the lows. Of course my 30th year was no different. Below were my highs and lows of the year.  I am going to start with the lows as to end with the highs so I can continue on a high note as I enter this new year of my life. Right on...

I am lucky...

As I write this post, I lay in bed unbelievably sore and tired but also very happy and relieved. I finally ran my sixth marathon and I have been waiting for this moment the past 19 weeks (well really 78 weeks if you count my start of training last year before I broke my foot AND had a flare-up). It has been a huge physical, mental, and emotional struggle for me the past 4.5 months, so to have finally accomplished this, I am happy. I have made no secret of the health issues I have had this year and how they have made me feel and how they have affected my life. (I have also made no secret of the anxiety I have felt training for this marathon because of those issues.) So before I begin this post, let's take a minute to take a trip down memory lane to review my major health issues the past 14 months....
-Beginning of Sept 2011: Broken foot, get put in a boot for 5 weeks
-Sept 2011: Colitis Flare-up #1 followed by a C. diff infection in my intestines
-Mid Nov 2011: Stress Fracture/Tendinitis in different part of foot (Boot back on for 1.5 weeks)
-Feb 2012: Colitis Flare-up #2
-March 2012: Colitis Flare-up #3 (along with Pancreatitis) which resulted in a 3-day Hospitalization
-End of May 2012: Colitis Flare-up #4
-End of June 2012: First Remicade Treatment (hallelujah)

The moments where I was feeling 100% in the last year or so have been few and far between and I am happy to report that since starting Remicade and getting all my treatments, my stomach has cooperated. (My foot hurts just about everyday but I blame myself for not doing physical therapy and not being good at not exercising.) With everything in place, I was able to successfully train for the 2012 New York City Marathon set to be run on Sunday November 4, 2012. However, some nasty bitch named Sandy came to NYC and much of its tri-state area on Oct 29 and ruined everything. While the hurricane was hitting, no one knew how bad it would be. While stuck inside I decided to google other marathons that were happening in November just in case the NYC one was cancelled. I just had a feeling it may not go on but I really didn't think I would actually need to find another one. Once the storm finally was over, there was tremendous damage and loss. Sandy took away so many lives, even more homes, and did mass amounts of destruction. Throughout all of this, marathon officials and the mayor still said it was still on. As of Friday at 1:00 he still confirmed the marathon was happening. However with mounting pressure and very mixed feelings (and LOTS of tears), mostly negative ones, around 4:30 the mayor finally announced the NYC Marathon was cancelled. I am not going to lie, I was upset. I cried hysterically. However, I still believe cancelling the marathon was in fact the right decision, albeit one that should have been made two days earlier. I was upset at Sandy. I was upset with the mayor for his poor timing. I was just upset. After working my ass off for the past 4.5 months, and days of "will it happen or won't it happen?", the marathon was cancelled. In the grand scheme of everything that had happened over the past few days, a marathon was trivial, but it still had importance to me. After being hospitalized just months ago and being the sickest I have ever been in my life, for my body (and my mind) to be able to get where it was with this marathon was important to me and I had something to prove to myself.

Having my health back!

Cheers to solid poop and no cramping! Wooooot!

You know what's awesome? Waking up every morning and feeling healthy again! I can happily say that for the last month, I have woken up without really a care in the world. I am not running to the bathroom the second I wake up. Or holding my stomach because I think I am getting stabbed. It's been great.

One of my main goals for the summer was to get healthy and have a "normal" summer without having to go somewhere and immediately wonder where the bathroom is and do I have enough wipes with me. TMI much?! But seriously, this has been a legitimate concern of mine for almost the entire last year minus a few weeks here and there.

I know I only have Ulcerative Colitis and not some life threatening awful, terrible disease in my case at the moment, but I do know that I will not take feeling healthy again for granted. This past year of waking up every single morning wondering how I will feel, and if my health will get in the way of my daily activities is hopefully something of the past. It's not fun to worry about this. And the worrying also can contribute to the stomach issues as well. Its a bad cycle to fall into and its one that I think (and hope) I am out of.

Mind over Matter

Last Monday was my first official day of marathon training. Dun, dun, dun. Blah. Eighteen weeks (well 17 now) until the ING New York City Marathon. Eighteen weeks until 26.2 miles. I don't know why I sign up for this stuff (yes I do, I really do love it), but I continue to do so. I should be excited, right?

The past few times I have signed up for a marathon, I was nothing short of psyched and motivated. This time around, I have a very "meh" feeling. I was originally registered for last year's marathon and a series of events (the continual extreme heat, a bad UC flare, and a broken foot) led to me deferring my entry. Yes, I did lose my $180 registration fee to save my spot in order to pay $220 for this year's (highway robbery!) but I assumed I'd be excited to start this adventure again. Who was I freaking kidding?

Spreading the Gift of Poop

I have not denied my love for all things poop and farts (and also burps). They are all hilarious. Remember, everyone poops so you should never be shy about your bowels. You should know your audience, but you don't have to be shy about it. I know my audience pretty well and am grateful that many of my close friends are just as open about their bowels as I am. We talk about the frequency, the consistency and even the smell. Yes, we are very classy ladies! But once again, we know our audience and who we can and cannot discuss this stuff around. 

Because of all my GI issues (Hello again UC), much of this has become almost a running joke as to how open I can be. In fact, my friends and family will see things relating to poop and farts and often call or email me about it. Or even if they see something they know I would appreciate, they might buy it for me. I love a good gag gift. And if the gift is useful, that's even better. Three poop/fart related things I have received as gifts are below are are pretty awesome. They clearly show how much the people close to me know me so well.

1) Poo-Pourri. This gift actually came from one of my mom's closest friends. She knew I had been very ill and having more UC problems. She is super thoughtful and always buying gifts for people here and there. She saw this at a store and purchased one for my mom and one for me. It's a spray that you are supposed to spray in the toilet BEFORE you poop to eliminate the smell. Pretty genius idea. And also pretty clutch if you are pooping away from home. Things can get dicey when you don't have the home court advantage so having this (and even some matches) can help. I have yet to take it with me anywhere, basically because I forget, but I should give it a go elsewhere. I have tried it at home and it works decently. I mean, it definitely is better than nothing. It smells pretty nice and as the container says "Spritz in the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know."

Lets hope this works!

This is me getting excited to feel 100% healthy again!

So I know everyone was soooo concerned where I have been the last week. Uh-huh...sure. Well I took a little one week hiatus with the holiday weekend, being overly swamped at work, and once again having a little Ulcerative Colitis flare-up. Ugh. Again. My fourth one of the year, and only a mere three weeks after getting off the 'roids from my last one. I have had more flares this year alone than in the past five years combined. And I don't know why. It's getting a little annoying to say the least.

I had a good few weeks of feeling 100 percent again, and they were great. I was running. I was eating pretty much whatever I wanted again. (Minus popcorn. I have yet to start eating that again. And I kind of miss it but am a little apprehensive!) And I was drinking. It was fun times in my life and now, here I am again, feeling cruddy. On the pain/discomfort scale (you know that scale with the faces from 1-10 in like every doctor's office?) I am prob at a 3 right now where as my last flare was a 9.5. I just don't want it to get to that level. Ever again. I am really trying to nip this one in the bud.

Buh-Bye Prednisone

I am finally done with my steroids. Woohoo!! No more Prednisone for me. I am off the 'roids. It was a long one and a half months that started with me feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life (Thanks Ulcerative Colitis!) to feeling totally normal and 100% me again. And I can't tell you how good it feels to be back to normal. I can run. I can drink. I can eat what I want. And I can finally just be me. Awesome.

Even though Prednisone worked its magic on my stomach, I hope to never see it again. I have been weening off it for weeks and finally am at 0. And again, let me say "Woohoo!" So why you ask am I so grateful to be rid of the very drug that got me healthy again? Well, the side effects were not so fantastic. I knew what I was in for when I started the drug because I had been on it before, but that still doesn't make it any better. Over the last 6 weeks or so, these are some of the side effects that I experienced. I will not miss them in the least.

1. Profuse night sweats. I usually get overheated at night when I sleep, but on the steroids, it was intense. I had to change my pajamas in the middle of the night almost every night at the start of my treatment because I would sweat through them. My hair would be soaked also and I sweat through my sheets, pillow cases, and comforter. And if I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, which I did on more than one occasion, I had to try and get comfortable in my wet-ass bed. Ew. As I started to ween off the Prednisone this became less of an issue, but it really was super uncomfortable while it lasted.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Trail Mix

I have a love. This love also happens to be one of my worst enemies. But I just can't stay away. "Why hello there...Trail Mix."  (This of course being said in a Jerry Seinfeld voice like when he sees Neuman.) (Please tell me you get that reference!!) You see, Trail mix and I go way back and it always starts out great, but then we don't agree so much with each other. Since I have such bad stomach issues (Hello Ulcerative Colitis!), I really am supposed to stay away from nuts, seeds, corn and generally anything high fiber. What goes in must come out as the story goes, so this can become a big issue for me. But sometimes there is nothing better than a post trail mix binge poop. Sorry, I had to go there.

MY UC

This week was my first full week back at work since being sick and being in the hospital. Stupid Ulcerative Colitis (UC). I missed 6 days of work in row, and in the teaching world, that is a lifetime. Considering I have missed like 12 days total in my 7 years of teaching, this was a big deal. When I got back to work, my welcome back was overwhelming. The kids had made me cards and there were hugs all around. They were generally excited to have me back which felt good. And many of my colleagues popped in to say hi and see how I was feeling. It was all very sweet. Everyone knows that I rarely miss work so if I was out, it must have been serious. The thing is though, its hard to explain to people what exactly UC is. Some of my fellow teachers know that I have it. They also knew that I had been feeling like shit for the prior three weeks and hadn't been myself at work recently. I don' think they realized how sick I really was though the last week or so. Upon my return, one teacher even said to me "Oh, I used to have Colitis but it went away." Um, sorry dude, that's not how it works. Once you have it, you have it. Forever. It's an autoimmune disease that you have the rest of your life. Maybe you had the stomach flu. Or maybe even irritable bowel. But not UC.