It better leave as fast as it came!

March, you are starting out to be a mega bitch and I'm not liking you. February was ending so well for me and I was looking forward toward spring and all the good that was on the way. I've really been trying to stay positive lately. The start of the year has been rough on me and I had been in quite a funk. The last three weeks or so I was starting to come out of it a bit. So far the year 2014 has been all about me bettering myself and trying to love myself more. I'm not going to lie, this has been quite a struggle for me, but I am taking baby steps in getting where I want and need to be. Then Friday night happened...

I have been working out a lot lately and been busy with work so I guess you can say I've been stressed. About a month ago I started experiencing symptoms of an Ulcerative Colitis flare-up. I was super gassy and had mild cramping, but luckily, I was set to have my Remicade a week after they began so that gave me some relief.  When there, the nurse even told me that I had a fever. So clearly, something hadn't been right. A few days after the Remicade, I was feeling better again. Not totally 100%, but at about 90-95, so I was okay with that. Then this week again, I started to experience some mild cramping. I tried not to think anything of it. I mean, I can't freak out about every stomachache I have. I wasn't gradually getting worse like I usually do with a flare. But Friday night, it just hit me like a bomb. Multiple trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Horrendously painful cramping. Blood. You get it. Nothing good. All of this pretty much came out of nowhere and it scared me. In the past, my flares have been gradual. One little symptom, then another, then another. Me getting sicker and sicker over the course of a few weeks. (I have a bad habit of hoping it goes away and it just gets worse. I am good at managing physical pain for the most part so I suck it up pretty well until I absolutely can't bare it anymore.) This time though, it all happened in the span of three days, and I felt like I had no control. And it sucks. I am discouraged and I'm pissed. Once again, my body is letting me down. And it's causing more stress which in turn isn't helping my cause.

However, this time I got super pro-active and called the on-call doctor first thing in the morning and got started on my best/worst friend Prednisone right away. After cancelling my hard-core workout class yesterday (total bummer since I was looking forward to having my ass kicked as per always) and laying around the apartment moving to and from the toilet all day, I felt powerless and am just hoping these meds kick in quickly. I have been working my ass off in the gym and finally starting to see results and now I am at a stand still and can't do anything about it. Definitely no more sit-ups right now. And no running or impactful moving at the moment. I am too drained from dehydration, not holding on to the little nutrition I am actually taking in, and frankly, I don't want to risk shitting my pants in public if I am out with no bathroom in sight. This sucks. I have a half-marathon in three weeks and this happens now?  I have time though, and the Predisone WILL work quickly. It has to!

See, I'm trying to be positive. Maybe taking a few days off working out will be good for me. I have been in a perpetual state of soreness for the last few months so this might give my muscles a break and get them refreshed for when I start working out again. Especially my legs. Hopefully this will be sooner than later. And you know pooping so much can help me shed a few pounds too which you know I don't hate. Yes I know how awful I am for thinking that. Sure, I would prefer to not be running to the bathroom every 30 min or so and be in excruciating pain, but there is a silver lining. I hate myself for thinking that, but that's my reality. 

Okay so that was kind of a huge vent of my medical condition that's supposed to be under control. I mean I haven't been able to do much this weekend, so why not write about it?! As a type-A control freak, when things happen that I really have zero control over, it irritates me to say the least. (Perhaps this is also a reason I flare?) Unfortunately that is life with Ulcerative Colitis. In all relativity, I am super lucky that I am so healthy so often and don't have to think about this disease all the time. But occasionally it sneaks up and reminds me how serious it can be. There are a lot of others so much worse off than me and I certainly do not take my usual good health for granted. For my sake though, I hope this flare leaves me as fast as it came in. Fingers crossed!