Common Sense or Nah?

February tends to be the month of love because of Valentine’s Day. Duh. There's lots of hearts, and pink, and affection. This February, like those in the last couple year’s past, I don’t have a Valentine, but I didn't let that get me down. I have recently decided to put myself out there a little more and get back into the online dating scene after taking a hiatus from it for a couple of months due to lots of frustration and demoralization. Comes with the territory I guess. But that certainly doesn't mean I have to accept it and think that's the norm. I have to dust myself off and get back out there. I mean I barely go out, and I don’t have a steady job so it’s hard to meet people IRL so this is kind of my only (albeit awful) option. Online dating is pretty much one of the only ways I can meet some single males. So yeah, Tinder and Bumble somehow had to make their way back onto my phone and back into my life. Sigh.

I don't get it.

As the weather gets warmer, many New Yorkers that have been hiding out all winter (ummm, ME), decide it's finally time to get a little social. As things begin wind down at work and my schedule is a little more open, I have become a little more flexible with my time and go out a little bit more and even date a little. Gasp. Yes, DATE. That four letter word that makes even the most happy-go-lucky women feel jaded and stupid. Or is that just me? It can't be just me. When my friends and I and share our dating stories, we all seem to have such similar frustrating ones. And because we don't understand them, we can't offer each other advice or anything. We can just sit there cursing the dudes and laughing over the ridiculousness of it all, because if we can't laugh at it, we'd probably be crying. (Wait, we do that too.)

Summer is Dunzo

Well, September has come and its almost gone and I didn't write one post this month. What the heck?!?! This is hasn't happened once since starting this blog and I'm not about to have it happen now. So, as I sit in the hospital during my Remicade treatment, why not write a post of what's been going on lately? Right?!?!?

I feel like a lot has been going on, but at the same time, very little has also been going on. Summer is officially over and that's fucking depressing. I really had such an incredible summer that, like every other teacher out there, I didn't want it to end. (I also am in severe denial that my tan is fading. Sigh.) So now that summer is dunzo, the school year is in full swing, and fall has begun, here's what's been going on with me...

Current Dating Sitch: SUCKY

Almost all of my blog posts lately have had to do with travel because that's been a huge part of life lately. Along with running. And laying out in the sun. And going out. Yes me, going out lately. Who would have thunk it? After being an anti-social hermit pretty much all year due to my ridiculously hectic schedule, constant exhaustion, and let's be honest, a serious lack of desire to go out, I have actually been less rigid and more open-minded this summer and therefore have allowed myself to have some fun. And date a little too. (Mostly a little because I have barely been in NYC this summer.) This change usually happens with me in the summer and as soon as school starts, I morph back into my usual rigid, über disciplined self.

What is Wrong with People?!?!?!

So at the start of summer, you all know my curiosity got the best of me and I got Tinder. It was fun at first because it was new, easy, and actually quite entertaining. But then I got bored. I've actually been meaning to delete my Tinder account for a while now. I'm kind of over it. It actually lasted much longer than I thought it would which surprised me, but now, I'm just done. Blah.

In my three month Tinder tenure, I went on three Tinder dates. All three guys were totally normal, but just not for me. Nice enough guys, but no real attraction. And now that work and coaching are back in full gear and I am training for two marathons, dating is the furthest thing on my mind. I maybe log onto Tinder like once a week, if that, nowadays. And each time I do go on it, I think to myself "If this is what's out there, I give up." Ugh. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with some people?!?! I know its only Tinder, but it's demoralizing nonetheless. If this is what's out there within a five mile radius, ages 30-34 then I give up.

Swipe and Wipe

I've now spent about a week on Tinder and boy have I seen a lot. For about every 75-100 guys I see, I swipe right on maybe 1-2 of them. Geez. This definitely feels more like playing a game on my phone than online dating. This is probably why I like it.

Some of my friends know that I joined so we've been talking about it more. We were talking about how it actually seems that there might be nice guys on there that are looking for actual relationships like a regular dating website. They see Tinder as a means of not having to put any effort into a profile and still have some good options. When they go on sites like OKCupid or Match, they have to fill out time consuming surveys and profiles, but on Tinder, its just a sentence or two and a couple pics. Easy-peasy. And once again, you can't contact anyone or be contacted anyone if it wasn't a mutual swipe right between the two of you.

Left!

So my curiosity finally got the best of me...I did it...I bit the bullet and downloaded Tinder to my phone. (Relax mom!!) Almost all my single friends have it and use it or have used it in the past. And I always hear people talking about it and although I know I won't meet my future husband using it, (and I'm super anti-online dating) I downloaded it. And I have to admit, it's kind of fun. It's like a game! I mean, I'm excellent at pre-judging people on their looks so this app is just up my alley.

Where Are All the Cute Men At, Yo?

The other day I was looking for a new book to read in my school's library. Then I saw it, with it's hot pink cover and some silver sparkle...It just kind of stood out to me. The name of the book...ready for it? How to Meet Cute Guys. Of course this is the book that caught my attention right away. Nothing like a little young adult novel (yes a novel, not a self-help book) to spark my interest on a topic I apparently need help with. I decided to pass on checking it out; however, I did skim it. I'm human after all. 

 Later in the day, I was talking about this book with my friends joking that I was going to take it home and read it cover to cover and we were joking around that unless cute guys are coming right to our doors (which they aren't), we aren't meeting them. This got me thinking, where can us girls meet some cute guys in this freaking city? I mean, seriously!! 

Onto the new with 32!

Well friends, its happening again. Just like it does every year, I am turning a year older. Thirty-fucking-two. I'm old. The good news is that I don't feel like I am 32. And also, if I must speak honestly (don't I always?!), I don't think I look it either. I'm assuming everyone agrees with that statement too so it's all good. Wink, wink. But really, in most aspects of life, you are only as old as you feel and to not feel ancient right now is good enough for me. 

As I've done the last two years that I've had this blog and celebrated a birthday, I like to look back and highlight my year. As with anyone, along with the highlights always come some lowlights and from them I can only learn and grow. As I get older, I continue to evaluate some of my mistakes and do my damnest not to repeat them. I'm not perfect, so yeah, sometimes I do make the same mistake twice. It frustrates the hell out of me, but in the end, it does make me stronger and better. So as I did last year, I am starting with the lows of the year and ending with the highs hoping to start 32 with a bang. Without furthur ado, here is how 31 went for me...

Needy is No-No

I have recently gotten HBO so of course I have been watching some old episodes of Girls. (I'm getting ready for the new season. Woohoo!) Obviously being a 31-year-old single woman who lives in New York, I can relate to that show. Even though I seem to have my life together a little (well, a lot)  more than the girls on the show, their real-life body, boy, job, and all-around life dramas are relatable and real. Especially all the boy stuff. For some reason, this show makes me really examine myself and the relationships I have. (And I use the term relationships VERY loosely.) Maybe it's because I'm comparing the girls' issues to my own or maybe not, but something always hits a little close to home.

Let me start this by saying that I believe I am one of the most independent people I know. Some might think I am too independent and because I enjoy doing things by myself waaaaayy too much. And they may be right. However, that doesn't mean I don't want a man by my side doing some (not all!) of this stuff with me. So here it goes... And it's hard to admit...but... I want a boyfriend. There, I said it. Blah. It just sounds so needy and pathetic. Like "waaaah, find me a man. I'm so lonely." I am so not that girl, but at the end of the day, its becoming less and less fun coming home to an empty apartment day after day. It would be nice to have someone to share my day with. Share my successes with. Send funny emails and pictures to. And to cry to, if need be.

A Few Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

Over the last two weeks, the topic of online dating has come up in a number of conversations with quite a few of my friends and even some colleagues. Many of them are on Match, JDate, OKCupid, Tindr, and perhaps even a few others. Some of my good friends will show me me pictures and profiles of guys and ask my opinion. I even love getting a text from some of them with a screenshot of a picture of a potential suitor or complete wacko. I will get a screenshot with the text "Thoughts?" Or they will forward a bizarre or creepy message that someone sent them. And some even screenshot and share the creepiest ones on FB or Insta for a good laugh. There are a lot of freaking weird-ass people out there who use online dating sites. And they tend to give a bad name to all the normal ones who do it too. Confession: I have tried Match before.  I hated it. It just wasn't for me. I wanted to be open minded to it, and at first I was. But I lasted maybe four weeks before I finally called it quits and let the rest of my subscription run out. By week two, I knew I was over it, but figured I would do a full month. Meh. A lot of the people emailing me clearly weren't reading my profile and what I was interested in and looking for. Like, I am not looking for a 54-year-old divorceé who loves cats and chess and lives deep in Staten Island, so please don't write me. It's never gonna happen. Oh, and one dude asked me to meet him in Florida for a "quick trip." Um, we have never met. Psycho.

A Girl's Guide to Football Sunday

Exciting news everyone: I am now also writing for the website Jones and B. Def click that link and check it out. It's a really fun, new blog on a number of topics and I am super excited to be writing for them, as well as continuing to post here. Everyone here knows I am a big sports fan so as long as football season just started, why not write a post about a female's point of view of Sunday Funday during football season? So without further adieu, here is my first post for the Jones and B website that I am also posting here. Why you ask am I posting here too? Because I wrote it, I like it, and I want peeps to not only read it here, but check out all the other awesome posts over there! Enjoy. 

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Well ladies, summer is basically over which pretty much blows. It’s getting darker earlier, our tans are fading, and it’s almost time to retire the sandals for the season. Blah. On the plus side, the weather is getting crisper, Halloween candy is out in stores, and football has finally started up again. Woohoo. As a female, many might not think I care that much about it football, but newsflash: I care. Born and bred in Chicago, I am a Bears fan through and through. And I know and love my football. Although the Bears continually disappoint me season after season, it does not stop me from rocking my Urlacher jersey every Sunday, talking shit to whomever will listen, and enjoying the game. Whether I am out at a bar or in the confines of my own apartment, football Sundays pretty much rule. (And a MNF isn’t so bad either.) I mean, what beats a day of watching jacked, grown men in tight white pants running around a field? Dayum.

Courting: Lets bring it back

I just recently read a New York Times article titled "The End of Courtship." The article discussed how single young people (and I include myself in that entire description) in today's society don't really go on real dates anymore. And it's a shame. The article was super relatable, interesting, and on point for the most part. I couldn't really argue with the facts the author gave, but I don't have to like them or stand to accept them. I think the real issue with the lack of people going on real dates these days is that guys are lazy and girls are accepting this. If men can get away with these things, they are going to continue to do them. Clearly I am no dating expert as I am a lonely 31-year-old single Manhattanite with no prospects on the horizon but I do know what I want and what I deserve and I will continue to stand my ground with that.

There were several points in the article that really seemed to jump out at me as something that I have noticed lately with guys and dating. While I don't date excessively, I can tell you this, when I meet a guy, he will make a plan with me, he will take me out, and he will pay. (Some people might disagree with the last one, but I am sticking to my guns on this one even though it is 2013.)  Most of my friends will agree with that too and from what I know have the same expectations as I do when it comes to a courtship.

Anyway, things have obviously changed in the dating game over the last few decades, but that doesn't mean courting someone should become obsolete. Below are my thoughts on some of the reasons on why this "trend" might be happening in response to different parts of the article...

Fun Fun 31

Well, my "Dirty 30" has come and gone and I am now the ripe old age of 31. Sigh. I really thought 30 was going to be my year, but alas, it wasn't. That's okay because I know I have so many more ahead of me. And I am hoping bigger and better is still to come for me. It has to.

Like most years, there were the highs and the lows. Of course my 30th year was no different. Below were my highs and lows of the year.  I am going to start with the lows as to end with the highs so I can continue on a high note as I enter this new year of my life. Right on...

Gotta get my head back in the game

Over the summer a friend and I purchased a Living Social deal for speed dating. We figured it was us being open minded and trying something new and different. Best case scenario: I would meet my future husband. (Or maybe just someone cool/cute to date for a while.) Worst Case scenario: I would get a good story out of it for this blog. Basically I felt it was ultimately a win-win sitch. However, although I have seemed to have gotten a blog post of it, this is not the direction I wanted this post to go in but I will get to that in a second. 

My friend and I were both really busy over summer and then once school started and marathon training was in full swing, we had even less time to use our voucher. With only two weeks left until its expiration date, I decided to use my voucher and go speed dating. Alone. And sober. (I am not drinking this month because it is so close to the marathon and I don't want any alcohol in my system.) I was trying to go in as positive and open minded as possible but my head just wasn't in it so it wasn't a good time. Besides the fact that I was exhausted, felt gross (fat and zitty), and was by myself, this speed dating event was not as I expected it to be. I walked into the bar it was at and it was a small sports bar with regular patrons in the bar. There was no back room where this was going to go on. It was all going to happen out in the open. Okay, this was sure to make me feel more like a pathetic loser than I already was feeling. Now random strangers can watch me do this awkward speed dating "dance." This bothered me and then I was bothered that I even cared what others thought. Things were not going well in my head.

On to the Next...

This summer was a good one as I have mentioned many times before. One of the things that made it super fun was the dating I did. (Mother, don't even ask. Thanks a bunch. I don't have to tell you everything. ) Meeting different people, especially cute men, is always a good time. Amiright? I mean, who doesn't want to talk to a cute guy that is seemingly enjoying himself talking to you?

I met some of these guys through friends and the others out at bars. And sometimes a combination of both. I think my "have an open mind" mindset and my "you have nothing to lose" mentality mixed together this summer gave me a little more confidence with the opposite sex. I consider myself a pretty outgoing person but not the most self-confident all the time, especially when it comes to guys. However, I really tried to put those negative feelings to the side this summer and it rewarded me with quite a few dates. (And gave me some pretty great stories to share with my friends.) Some of these dates were with guys I could see myself actually dating (few and far between), and some were just plain old good times with no real future.

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad WEEK

I've had a pretty awesome summer this far. I have been healthy (Ulcerative Colitis is finally under control) and I have been having so much fun. Trying new things. Partying. Meeting lots of new people (hello gentlemen). Getting my tan on. However, last week was just awful. With a capital "A." I was Alexander, and it was my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad WEEK. After everything was going so well for so long, it was about time for that other shoe to drop, and I guess better now then two weeks from now when work starts up again. Blaaaah. My luck has already begun to change a bit this weekend and things are definitely start looking up. It has to. It needs to. 

I hate to think that I was so lucky to have things work in my favor for so long that something bad was bound to happen. That's no way to think through life, but that's how my brain works. I can only hope that because all these bad things happened within a one-week span, that will be the worst of it and things will continue to turn around for the better. So what happened in the last week that really dampened my spirits. (As I wrote this Friday night, things had not yet started to turn around. However, after I had originally written it, things began to get better as evidenced by my updates.) Well, here it goes...

Waiving those Red Flags

When you start dating someone, you are happy, giddy, and excited. You finally met someone you are interested in and may want them to become your official significant other. When you guys are together the first few times, you are the best "you" you can be, all while being yourself. You assume the same about him as well. You two want to get to know each other and show each other why you are so great and should be with each other. During this initial courting/dating period though, sometimes us ladies might ignore the "red flags" that guys might be throwing. These are things you notice in other people all the time, but the blinders might come on when you actually like someone.

It's good to be open-minded when you are first dating someone because you don't want to dismiss them for one little thing. But if that one little thing that is annoying/rude/irritating keeps happening, can you ignore it? If he does a bunch of different annoying/rude/irritating things that all keep adding up, can you just forget about them because you like him so much? I don't think so.  How many red flags are too many?

Screw the Rules

One of the many shows that I watch is Bravo's Miss Advised. If you haven't seen or heard of this show, its about three women, who are "dating experts" yet are all single. They all give advice to other women all over the country from their respective roles (author, matchmaker, sex expert), yet don't seem to follow their own advice when it comes to guys and dating. So that's the role I am going to play today. I am the single 30-year-old woman giving dating advice. You know, because I am such a pro at landing a man. Work with me here.

Even though its 2012, there still seems to be these "rules" out there that both guys and girls think exist and have to be followed to gain a significant other. Well, guess what? They don't. If you like someone, freaking call them. If you have sex with someone on the first date, you are not a whore or a slut. Do what feels right. I mean, really, if you know who you are and what you want, then do what you need to do. Screw the rules.

The Summer of George

"I proclaim this...the Summer of George!" One of the most well-known Seinfeld moments in the show's run. And this summer is not the first time I have used this mantra for myself, and I am sure it won't be the last. But this summer I am taking it up a notch.  I not only have the whole summer off to do whatever I want, I have decided that I want to use this time to try new things and explore more options for myself. I want to rise to a higher level. This my friends, is going to be awesome. Obvi.

I am going to have my "Summer of George" by trying to new things and taking a few more risks that I wouldn't normally do. It's not anything too out of the ordinary, but for me, its something new and exciting that in the past I may have poo-poo'd or not even given a second thought to. Some of the things I have tried/am going to try are...

1) Yoga. I have been told by numerous people to try yoga. It would be good for both my mind and body. I have always been told that I need to mellow out and yoga would help me do that. I have been told it might help with my stomach/UC issues as well. I also know that doing yoga would increase my flexibility and strength which I would def love, especially with my running. However, my major problem is that I am a little ADD. This was always my fear with yoga. I was afraid I would be so bored because of the slow pace of class. I mean, I am used to hard core spin or kickboxing classes, not mellow yoga. But you know what, I decided I wanted to incorporate it into my weekly routine and go at least once a week. So far, I have been good and stuck with it. And surprisingly enough, I have felt it in my body. I sweat like I am spinning and my muscles definitely were feeling it the next day. It's been an awesome challenge. But I must admit, that it has not been mellowing for me.