Courting: Lets bring it back

I just recently read a New York Times article titled "The End of Courtship." The article discussed how single young people (and I include myself in that entire description) in today's society don't really go on real dates anymore. And it's a shame. The article was super relatable, interesting, and on point for the most part. I couldn't really argue with the facts the author gave, but I don't have to like them or stand to accept them. I think the real issue with the lack of people going on real dates these days is that guys are lazy and girls are accepting this. If men can get away with these things, they are going to continue to do them. Clearly I am no dating expert as I am a lonely 31-year-old single Manhattanite with no prospects on the horizon but I do know what I want and what I deserve and I will continue to stand my ground with that.

There were several points in the article that really seemed to jump out at me as something that I have noticed lately with guys and dating. While I don't date excessively, I can tell you this, when I meet a guy, he will make a plan with me, he will take me out, and he will pay. (Some people might disagree with the last one, but I am sticking to my guns on this one even though it is 2013.)  Most of my friends will agree with that too and from what I know have the same expectations as I do when it comes to a courtship.

Anyway, things have obviously changed in the dating game over the last few decades, but that doesn't mean courting someone should become obsolete. Below are my thoughts on some of the reasons on why this "trend" might be happening in response to different parts of the article...

Point 1: “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.” Fact. Can I tell you how many times I have tried to figure out the tone and meaning of a text sent to me? Or thought over and over what to text a guy I am interested in without sounding too forward or not interested? I will read them over and over and make sure I sound witty and amazing. Since texting is such an easy method to start a conversation with someone its usually the go-to method, but picking up the phone is something I really do appreciate if I like someone. I know people may say things over text they wouldn't say over the phone and feel more comfortable behind their key pad and I get that but you get to know a person better talking on the phone. It's way more personal, and its just more efficient. Plain and simple. I would appreciate a phone call over a text any day of the week, but I am also guilty of over-texting, usually with a fear of seeming too forward myself by picking up the phone. We need to get rid of that. Those my age are from a generation when we had to do that as kids and teens with our crushes, so lets man up and start doing it again.

Point 2: "Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other “non-dates” that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend."  This to me is not okay. As a female, I insist on a real first date. I have been asked to do one of those "meet-ups" or "hang-outs" the first time with a guy and his buddies and I simply say no. I just don't think its right. Not for the first date. He should take me, and only me out for drinks or something. But it should be us and only us. And there should be a plan. A time and a location. The reason a guy can get away with these "hangs" is because many girls want to see the guy so badly already accept this offer as fear of not getting another. This becomes such an easy way out for the guy and he think its acceptable to do again and again. Ladies, stop doing this. Make him take you out. Make him buy you drinks (and maybe even dinner). Make him work for it a little. He should court you.

Point 3: "THERE’S another reason Web-enabled singles are rendering traditional dates obsolete. If the purpose of the first date was to learn about someone’s background, education, politics and cultural tastes, Google and Facebook have taken care of that....We’re all Ph. D.’s in Internet stalking these days." I am very guilty of this one. I constantly impress myself with my awesome Facebook-stalking skills.  When I first meet a guy I may be interested in, you better believe the first thing I do is look him up on Facebook and gather any and all information possible. Do I dare let him know I know any of this info when he does eventually tell me? Absolutely not! We still both pretend we don't know anything about each other and there is so much more to learn from someone that isn't on the internet. But I don't want to go in blind so a little bit of internet stalking never hurt anyone.

In a perfect world, I would meet a guy, he would call me, ask me on a real date and we would fall head over heels in love with each other. And I still believe this can happen to me. Even if it is naíve of me. If all us girls stand together and have high expectations on how to be treated early on, the guys will get the memo and courtships will start happening again. We know what we deserve and that's for him to pick up the phone and take us out on a real one-on-one date. So ladies, lets make this the norm again. Lets bring back courting.