A Guide to Running Vocab

As per usual, if I am training for a marathon, this time of year is usually all about one thing for me: Running. That's right, it pretty much consumes my life. Does it have to? No. Do I make it? Yes. That's just me I guess. When I put my mind to something, I really have dedication and discipline toward it, especially in the home stretch. And that's what this time of year is. The home stretch. T-3 weeks until the NYC marathon so of course its pretty much all I can think about. I eat, drink, and sleep for this race. Because of that, I decided to dedicate this post to some terms that have taken over my life as of recently, but some for as much as the last 4 and a half months. Geez, this really is a big commitment when I really think about it. And that's why I am so intense about it.

Those people that are runners are probably familiar with some of these terms. While some are more common than others, many of them are used often enough in the running community (at least the one I am a part of) and are commonplace. Others might hear us nut-job runners talking and think we are speaking our own bizarre language. So without further ado, here is a little vocab lesson on some runner terminology.

Everyone Should Def Use Abbreves

Need. This.

I love abbreviations. Or shall I say "I love abbreves." They are a great way to shortcut a convo. Oh look what I just did there! I totes just used an abbreve. Ohhhh, me. Whether I do it when I speak, when I text, or when I write an email, I often use abbreviations. They save time and still get the point across and also give them a little charm, naturally. (Obvi when I write a professional email, I spell out entire words. I am not an animal after all.)

These abbreviations I speak of are different from acronyms like OMG, LOL, TTYL, BRB, LMFAO. I actually don't use acronyms when texting, but I do sometimes find them fun to use when I speak. When I leave a room to run to the bathroom, I will be all "BRB" and giggle. Or if I'm saying goodbye to a friend in person, I'll end it with "TTYL." I love to talk in text sometimes. I crack myself up. 

Muff was the "Tip" of the iceberg...Hehe

After writing the post "It's almost Muff season...Hehe" a few weeks ago, I was even more immature than usual whenever I heard the words shaft, box, nuts, balls, muffs, and wood. I would even try to incorporate them more into conversations to see how others would react. I love a good challenge. Then two weeks ago at a team meeting at work, someone was giving a science example about a beaver. I just about lost it. She said beaver, looked at me because I am the science teacher, and I tried to fight the smile, then the giggle, then the full out laughter, but I just couldn't. I had to put my head down and silently laugh to myself. Hard (Oooh, another suspicious word.) One other person locked eyes with me and laughed too and everyone else just kind of sat there. They didn't get it. Amateurs. She said beaver. Beaver. Like a vagina. Hahahahaha. I mean, c'mon folks. Hilarious stuff right there. Ummmm, okay, maybe not, but funny to me and my immature self. This of course got me thinking about other regular words that didn't occur to me the first time around that sometimes tend to make me giggle so I decided I would make yet another list of these double entendre words that crack me up time and time again.

1) Beaver. Already explained. It's not a word that comes up that often, but when it does, its pretty damn funny. It also makes me think of this scene in Naked Gun.

It's almost muff season...Hehe

Mixed Nuts. Hehehe

I consider myself to have a pretty great sense of humor. It can be dry at times and sarcastic at others. It can be straight up offensive most of the time, and also immature on occasion. Today I am going to focus on the immature. Why? Because it makes me giggle. And sometimes a good ole chuckle can make your day.

There are certain regular words that whenever I hear them, I can't help but turn into a ten-year-old boy.  A grin will comes across my face and I try to contain my giggle. (The fact that I work with teenagers all day makes me more aware of this too since I cannot laugh in front of them with these words so I hold it all in.) These are words that have more than one meaning, and the second meaning is usually completely inappropriate. And since my mind is in the gutter most of the time, I almost always think of that second definition. I can't help it. And its even more funny if I am with good company with an equally great sense of humor and we just repeat it and all get a good laugh.

Wise Words of Mama June

I was skeptical at first at what TLC was doing giving 7 year-old Alana Thompson, Honey Boo Boo herself, and her family their own reality show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. But damn, did they have the right idea and I am hooked. I seriously look forward to this show every week. This family is television gold and Mama June has become the break-out star.

Mama June is only 32 years old. That's only two years older than me, but man is that woman wise beyond her years. With four kids, from four baby daddies, she may not be the typical mother in the sense of the word, but she seems to have great relationships with her daughters and there is love there, even if it might not in the most traditional sense.

It's amazing to me that even though everyone on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is speaking English, there are captions on everything they say. However, sometimes even with the captions, it can be hard to understand what they are saying. It's like they almost have their own language. And you know what, I kind of love it. I want to start incorporating some of this family's common vocab into my every day conversations. Some of the favorites that I have heard this season thus far are...

Vagiggle jaggle. All the fat that jiggles on a person. One of my favorite of Mama June's terms. According to Mama, "I hope I don't see a bunch of wedgies at the waterpark. Vagiggle jaggles gonna be hanging out, though." Clearly, she was including herself in that statement. The woman is self-aware at least.

The Heat (and Sweat) is On

I was in New York last week and it was freaking hot. That was until I landed in Chicago on Sunday and realized that it's fucking hot here. Not just regular hot. It's Fucking hot. I mean, it's just plain oppressive heat. Totally brutal. Heat indices in the hundreds every day for the last five days and about a day or two more of this. In weather like this all you can do is stay inside in the AC or submerge yourself in a pool. There really is no other option. Even the beach isn't that fun on days this hot because the sand is en fuego.

I hate weather like this and I don't think I am alone in this. Being hot, sticky, and sweaty is just so uncomfortable. (And not that attractive I might add.) And for someone who sweats as much as I do, it sucks. I walk outside and immediately I can feel the film of perspiration begin to form all over. I am glad my body's cool down system is working well, but sometimes (pretty much always!) its not a good look. I sweat through dresses (well, basically any clothing), my hair is more out of control and frizzy than usual, and the chafing that soon follows is unwelcome and awful. Ugh. This heat is the worst. Thanks Global Warming.

The Midwest in Me

Mom, I know you LOVE this pic so I made it extra big for you!

I am currently in Chicago right now which means that I am with my family and oh-so-happy! This also means that I am back to my roots and in my element more than ever surrounded by those who know and love me the most. Although I live and love New York, I am a true Chicagoan (and Midwesterner) at heart.

In two more years and I will officially be a New Yorker. Everyone says once you live here for 10 years you are considered a New Yorker. Well I have eight under my belt and I already feel like one. A couple years ago, How I Met Your Mother did an episode on what makes someone a New Yorker. They decided decided that you're not a real New Yorker until you have:

• Seen Woody Allen
• Stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you
• Cried on the Subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks
• Killed a cockroach with your bare hand

There are tons of lists on what makes a real New Yorker and what doesn't. Some are pretty spot on and some are not. I do know that I see celebs quite frequently (but I do still get excited. Sue me.), I have cried on the subway without caring, yelled into my phone at someone on the street not giving a shit who can hear me, know bouncers at bars where I don't get carded when everyone else I am with does, get my extra salad dressing at the restaurant next door without even having to ask anymore, know exactly where to stand on the subway platform as to where the exit or the transfer is, and the list goes on. I mean, I love New York and am proud to live here.

Let's Keep It Alive

Hola! That's hello in Spanish. You're very welcome for dropping that little piece of knowledge on you. I took 6 years of Spanish but can barely speak it conversationally. I do know many words and can put a sentence together if need be but should know a lot more than I do. I lost so much of it over time. Spanish is one of those language that everyone seems to use and will throw in Spanish or even Spanglish words in everyday convo here and there. But most people know when they are using these non-English words and use them on purpose. But there is another language that people also use quite often and don't even realize its not English. That language is Yiddish.

Does anyone speak Yiddish anymore? Anyone besides my grandparents, that is? They both still speak pretty fluent Yiddish and speak it around us when they don't want us to know what they are talking about. They will talk about us right in front of our faces and we will have no idea what they are saying. Even though that can be sometimes be annoying, the Yiddish language is becoming lost and it's a damn shame.

Let's Use These

I don't consider myself to have a huge vocabulary, but there are some words that I use on occasion that people just don't know. And then I am the one that feels stupid. They are not super-intellectual words, but words that just underutilized in today's society that have great meaning and often times bring humor as well. They are words that a majority of the population should know and should use more freely. I hate when I say something and no one knows what I am talking about. However, I do love teaching people new words. Makes me feel smarter. Well, not really, especially when you see the words that I am speaking of. Anyway, let me enlighten you with a few of my faves.

1) FUPA. What does this stand for you ask? Well, that would be: Fat Upper Pussy Area. However, this term can be used for both men and women. It's not gender specific. A FUPA is basically like a fat vagina. It can be hard to hide in pants as well so often times people who possess one should really avoid them (especially with a tucked in shirt) if they are not loose enough. I think that FUPA's are just a result of bad genes. Brutal. 

Schoolin' You

Deuces bitches!!

I have worked in the NYC public school system for quite a few years now. In that time, not only have I taught countless teenagers, but they have taught me as well. It sounds cliche´ when you hear from teachers not only teach the students but learn from them as well. It's so very Dangerous Minds, and I am Michelle Pfeiffer. Obvs. Well, this isn't going to be a sappy blog about how their stories and our interactions have changed me. This is going to be about some of the vocabulary that they have taught me over the years that I have continued to impress upon my friends that don't work in the school system. Not only have my students increased my vocab with such a wide range of new verbs, nouns, and adjectives, but they have upped my street cred incredibly by doing so.

Because my students taught me so much, I only felt it necessary for me to pass on some of my knowledge to you. This is what I consider the white girl's guide to urban youth vocabulary and I am gonna school you in it...