I hate weather like this and I don't think I am alone in this. Being hot, sticky, and sweaty is just so uncomfortable. (And not that attractive I might add.) And for someone who sweats as much as I do, it sucks. I walk outside and immediately I can feel the film of perspiration begin to form all over. I am glad my body's cool down system is working well, but sometimes (pretty much always!) its not a good look. I sweat through dresses (well, basically any clothing), my hair is more out of control and frizzy than usual, and the chafing that soon follows is unwelcome and awful. Ugh. This heat is the worst. Thanks Global Warming.
In weather like this, there are certain words I use often to describe how/what I am feeling or I use them about those around me. My friends and I often use these terms to entertain ourselves as well. Some are pretty funny and humor is a good cure when the mercury hits triple digits. Let me enlighten you...
Schvitzing. This one was surprisingly left of my recent post about my fave language, Yiddish. How could I have forgotten this one?! Especially since I have been schvitzing so much recently. Schvitzing means to sweat. And man do I schvitz in this heat. Oy.
Swass. Sweaty Ass. Duh. This is the kind of sweat where you sit down and you know you are going to get up and leave a giant wet spot in the shape of your ass wherever you were. It also may leave your shorts/dress/skirt with a giant wet mark on your bottom as well. I have learned to just embrace this and not be embarrassed by my wet ass and the marks it leaves anymore. It is what it is. I have no control over it.
Swamp Ass. This is very similar to Swass; however, swamp ass usually refers to what's going on in your undies. Because your butt sweats so much, it creates a swamp in your undies/pants. Moist and hot and basically a swamp in your tush area. Ick.
Swagina. Sweaty Vagina. Yes, gentlemen, even the vag sweats in weather like this. And there's not much we can do about it. Sure a little baby powder helps contain it a bit, but when the temp and humidity are this high, there's really no solution.
Swoobs. Sweaty Boobs. Sweaty, sweaty boobs. Not so much the boobs themselves that are sweating, but the area underneath the boobs. This then creates a lovely giant wet spot right under my breasts and moves to my stomach. Really, how sexy am I right now? This is an area that once it gets wet, will pretty much be moist the rest of the day. Super uncomfortable.
Nut butter. Well here's one I don't get since I am not a dude and therefore have no nuts. Yes, I have pretty big balls when it comes to certain things, but I don't literally have a pair. So what is nut butter? Well, it's the nasty sweat (along with foul odor) that forms in between a dude's ballsack and their taint. This is one of the reasons so many guys love the Gold Bond Medicated powder or even simple baby powder. It helps them with their chafing, but also reduces the amount of nut butter produced. Guys, do us all a favor, make sure and really dump on the Gold Bond in the days to come. Please and thank you.
Hopefully this heat wave will end soon here in Chicago (and won't make its way to New York this summer at all). I don't know if I can handle much more. I want to be able to go out and do things without worrying about pit stains, a shiny forehead, and basically sweating through my outfit. I think when it hits the 80's next week, I might have to throw a cardigan on I will be so relieved and cooled off. Not really, but it will def be a welcome temperature. What is this world we live in where 80 degrees seems cool? Pathetic. But until then, I will continue to deal with the heat and its negative impact but I will also enjoy the fact that it's summer vacay, I don't have to work (no AC in my classroom), and I am home with the fam. I'm not going to let this heat get in the way too much. Think cool thoughts!
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