Friday, September 30, 2011

I am a Cry Baby

I am a sucker for sports movies. I love them even though they make me cry pretty much every time, no matter how many times I watch the movie. Whether its a happy ending or a sad ending, I will end up in tears. (Don't even get me started about the "One Shining Moment" montage at the end of the NCAA National Championship game!) I could turn on certain sports movies with ten minutes left and just start crying over that. And I like this about myself. I don't find it embarrassing at all. It's a part of who I am. There is something about thrill of sports and the blood, sweat, and tears that go into it that gets me every time regardless if the story is fiction or not.

I am and have always been a huge sports fan. I played sports all my life and still continue to play (and dominate, obvi) in adult leagues. Sports bring people together. They build character. Instill discipline. Create camaraderie. There is so much more to athletics than winning and losing which is why they are so great. There are emotions that I have experienced on the playing field that are impossible to describe.  Ones that I will never forget and watching sports movies brings a lot of these emotions back. When I watch, I put myself in the athlete's shoes and experience what they experience because a lot of the time I know what they are feeling because I have felt it before. Below are some of the best clips from some of my favorite sports movies. I couldn't necessarily find my favorite clips from each movie, but did my best to find a scene that either gave me severe goosebumps and/or tears. Watching these clips alone made me tear up. God, I am such a loser.

1. Rebound: The Legend of Earl 'The Goat' Manigault This is my all-time favorite sports movie. It was made as an HBO special movie and I highly recommend it. Its a heart-wrenching true story and the acting is spectacular. You WILL thank me later.
2. Coach Carter The end of this movie had me sobbing. Basketball is one of my greatest loves and the ending of this movie was very similar to how my senior year of high school basketball season ended. Heartbreaking.
3. Rudy Even though I despise Notre Dame, I absolutely love this movie. It would be even better if it were about a kid from University of Illinois. No joke.
4. Friday Night Lights This is the halftime speech from the State Championship game. Seriously, how can this not make you cry?! And if it didn't, the end will break your heart (I had to include it as well.)

5. A League of Their Own As a female athlete, watching this when I was younger was so inspiring and so fun. These women really were incredible.
Honorable Mentions: Hoosiers, Warrior, Hoop Dreams, Mighty Ducks (1, 2, AND 3), Remember the Titans, Miracle, The Rookie.

Once again, finding these clips was a lot of fun. I could watch them all over and over again, but would need way more Kleenex handy. Next time I need a good cry, I might just have to go to the archives of this blog to find this entry. Hey, it beats watching Marley and Me and The Notebook (my go-to crying movies).

Thursday, September 29, 2011

You aren't THAT important

I love my cell phone. It's the only phone I have (no land line for this gal) and it's like an extra appendage on my body. I feel naked without it. And I know I am not the only one that has this feeling about their phone. I am on constantly using my phone but rarely making actual phone calls on it unless it's my parents, grandparents, a doctor, or something too long or important to text. Additionally I pride myself in being an excellent multi-tasker with my phone and the people around me. I can walk and talk/text without slowing down my pace and even though it's kind of (ok,very) rude, I can talk to one friend in person and text another if need be. I understand we are all busy people with busy lives, but there are a few bad cell phone habits that absolutely drive me INSANE.

 1) Talking on your phone at the gym. When I am working out, it's my escape. A time to release the stress or extra energy I have and just listen to music and do my thang. When I go to the gym, my phone stays in my locker. And even though I work out with head phones on, there is nothing more annoying to me at the gym than seeing someone near me on the treadmill/elliptical/bike yapping away on their cell phones. They are usually talking really loud and even with my headphones on, I can usually hear them. It takes me out of focus of MY workout and I just want to push them off their machines. I visualize myself doing that and it makes me feel better for a second, but usually I just shoot them dirty looks or just move machines. Passive aggressiveness, party of one. 

2) Talking on your phone on public transportation. I am grateful that cellphones don't work on the subway unless they are obviously above ground so this usually is a non-issue on the train. But on the bus, this can sometimes be quite obnoxious. The buses can be more crowded than the train and no one wants to hear your conversation about that chick you banged last night or how your nanny can't work Tuesday so you can get a mani/pedi/massage. Boo-freaking-hoo. I don't care. Neither do the other 40 people packed on here. Wait until you get off the bus with that shit. Thanks so much!

3) Having a filled voicemail inbox. I am sorry, but no one is so important that they have that many voicemails. No one. Check them while walking down the street, while waiting for the bus, heck, even check them on the toilet. I am hoping you aren't talking while pooping (even though I do it all the time!), but that is a wonderful time to listen and delete those VM's. Ooohhh, get rid of those VM's while you BM. Hahahaha. I am just too funny. But seriously, clear that inbox. It's super aggravating and I don't want to call you again later.

Honorable mentions: People who can't multi-task while on the phone (They slow their pace while walking and texting/talking/searching the web. If you can't keep up, wait to do what you need to or pull over) and people who initiate a text, you reply with a question, and then they disappear. Weren't you the one who just texted me? It wasn't the other way around so where did you go?

If we are friends, I would hope that you do not exhibit any of these bad habits. They are annoying. In a world where cell phones have become a part of us, and something that we rely on, we must remember that they don't belong everywhere and its good to take a break once and a while.  But don't take too long of a break that your VM fills up!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Man Up Dude

So here the story goes. A girl has been texting with a guy. They go out once or twice and have a great time. She really likes him and thinks that he also really likes her. They text a bit some more and she asks if he wants to hang out again. He says yes. But then she hears NOTHING. Nada. Is this normal behavior from the guy? Unfortunately it is. And happens more often than one would think.

Why would a guy say yes to going out with this girl again if he has no intention to? If he's not interested in her why wouldn't he say he is busy with work? Or has other plans? Or, here's an idea: Just tell the girl that you aren't interested in seeing her again. She is a an adult. She can handle it. Really, she can. So dude, man up and just tell the girl you don't think you are compatible and it won't work. Trust me.

You know that book that was then made into a movie called He's Just Not That Into You? Well, that happens. A lot. Sometimes a guy just isn't into you. And sometimes (more often than not), you aren't interested in him. And you know what? That's okay. Its actually pretty common and pretty normal. You know what's not normal? A guy not being honest about it and leading a girl on because he's either too immature or too big of a pussy to tell her otherwise. If you don't want to see her again, just tell her. Or hey, even just ignore her in the first place. (Like before you agree to see her again.) She will get it. (Or she will ask you again and you will ignore her again.) But don't agree to go out again and not mean it. It's just not nice. And she is going to get the wrong idea.

As adults in the dating scene that is New York City, many people just don't have time for mind games. We are too old and too busy for that. If you like someone and want to see them again, tell them. They will most likely feel the same and be relieved you put it on the table.  If you aren't interested in them, just tell them that also. It's pretty simple.  It's actually clear as day. Honesty is always the best policy. It leaves no questions unanswered. Its leaves no "what ifs". By being honest, she knows that there aren't going to be any more dates between the two of you. And once again, its fine. Why would she want to go out with someone that isn't into her? She doesn't. So dudes, my final advice to you, if you have no intentions of seeing a girl again, just man up and be honest with her. She will appreciate it. And she will leave you be.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

What's the Poop?

Poop. Crap. Doody. Shit. It's brown, it's smelly, and it's gross. But guess what?  Everyone does it. Everyone. So why are so many people so weirded out talking about poop? I for one am not. And my family most certainly is not. We grew up in a very open household where very little was off-limits for conversation. It didn't hurt that my brother and I weren't blessed with the best genes. He has Crohn's disease and I have Ulcerative Colitis. Thanks a lot mom and dad for our "shitty" genes. Ah, a pun! Hilarious. I crack myself up.

 Because of our autoimmune diseases we have become very comfortable with talking about our bowels with whoever will listen. Whether we have diarrhea, are constipated, have blood in our poop, have terrible gas, or just plain need to go, we feel the need to share with each other or those around us.  We are the probably the reason the phrase "TMI" was invented. After a great poop, I have no shame walking into a room, patting my stomach, and stating to my friends that I am now five pounds thinner.  I also have no issue voicing to those around me that I have to poop when I need to go. (I do know my audience, so I do know when and who this is appropriate around. I do have some boundaries.) I am thankful that I have friends that are okay with the poop talk and are comfortable enough to join in the convo and share along with me. I am even luckier that I have some colleagues (who also happen to be my good friends) who are just as open. We can talk about poop at meetings, at lunch, and even sometimes play "Battleshits" after school. Okay, I was kidding about the last one, but we are very open with each other. Sometimes, pooping in the bathroom stall at work is the only time of day we get to catch up and gossip.  See, pooping brings people together! 

I hope reading this didn't gross you out or make you never want to have a conversation with me again with a fear that the talk will turn to poop. I can't promise it won't. It might turn to sex, guys, food, whatever. With me, its a mixed bag, but I can guarantee it won't be boring.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

That's a dealbreaker, ladies

The famous words of Liz Lemon "That's a dealbreaker, ladies" resonate in my head constantly. When I see a guy walking down the street wearing mandals, I think to myself "That's a dealbreaker, ladies." When the guy at the beach looks like he is wearing a sweater and then I realize its just his hairy back, I think to myself "That's a dealbreaker, ladies." When I am in line at the grocery store and the guy in front of me has dirty fingernails, I think to myself "That's a dealbreaker ladies." Anyways, you get it. I am constantly watching, judging, and making mental notes to myself on what traits in guys are dealbreakers, meaning that if you posess these qualities, chances are I won't talk to you, let alone date you.

Many of us single ladies have our list of dealbreakers and it may even sound like a montage from Seinfeld when you list all of them (close talker, face-painter, man hands, anti-dentite, sidler, re-gifter, etc...). However, for each of us, we have to wonder: Are our deal breakers actual DEALBREAKERS? Will they really deter you from having a relationship with someone? If you like someone enough, are you able to ignore the dealbreakers? What if it's super easy to change? Get him new sandals. Get his back waxed. Cut and clean his fingernails. Sounds easy, right?  Well, I guess its really a case-by-case basis here. You really have to sit down and make your list first in order to figure this out. So ask yourself: Do I have my own list of "Dealbreakers"? Do I have my list of "Must-haves?" Do these lists essentially mean the same thing? I guess we can only write them out and see. 

So what are your absolute dealbreakers? I will give you three of mine.  If I didn't limit it to three, this post could go on for a while...(but seriously, I am trying to be more open-minded)
1) Smoking. My future husband will not smoke. Its expensive, its disgusting, and its unhealthy. Not debateable at all.
2) Being unathletic. As someone who grew up playing sports and still does, I need someone that can play catch with me (and not throw like a girl...GROSS!), shoot hoops, hit the tennis ball, etc... and be good at it. I need some competition you know?!
3) Being unemployed. I need stability. Someone who has a steady income and can support himself (and me) financially. And needless to say, your job must be legal.
 If these are 3 of my dealbreakers, then what are my must-haves? Well obviously, you can't smoke, must be athletic, and you must be gainfully employed. Once again, if I had to list all my must-haves the list would be lengthy. So once again, I will give you my top three.
1) Fantastic sense of humor. You must be funny. And since I am hilarious you must think I am funny even if I do cross the line with content and language. You also must be able to dish it and take it.
2) Enjoy your job. Now that we know you have a job, I would assume you actually like what you do for a living. If you wake up everyday dreading to go to work, you are not going to be someone who is pleasant to be around and I won't want to be around you.
3) You want to raise our kids Jewish. This may shock some of you that know me because I am not religious, but I do want to raise my kids Jewish, reformed of course. (Mom, I know you are smiling knowing this if you didn't already know.) They will be dragged out of the bed for Sunday school and forced to go to Hebrew school just the way that I was as a kid and they will appreciate it later in life (kind of like I did). I want them to have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It's just the way its got to be. I want them to have some kind of connection to their Jewish culture and heritage. 

Let me tell you this...As I was writing this, I legit had a harder time coming up with my must-haves than my dealbreakers. What does that say about me? Do I know more of what I don't want than what I want? That can't be good, can it? I guess the only way to know what I want is go out there and meet (and sleep with...kidding...maybe) more and more guys and hope to find the right one. As long as he doesn't own mandals.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Shake What Your Mama Gave You

I love to shake my booty as much as the next girl. And as a white girl with a big booty, I feel I have the right to do so. And sometimes I will even do the Jersey Turnpike if I am feeling a little wild. I put Deena from Jersey Shore to shame. When I go out and hear a booty shaking song, I make sure and shake what my mama gave me.

At the beginning of the summer, I saw a new music video online called "Walmart" by the ever classy Mr. Ghetto. In a word, this video is incredible.  It pretty much takes place in Walmart and has some amazingly entertaining lyrics about his girls in the store (so listen carefully). Now we all know that you can get pretty much whatever you need and want in a Walmart. Unfortch, there is no Walmart in NYC, which makes me sad. In college we use to go one town over to the Super Walmart and I could literally spend HOURS there. Whether I needed a tire, a TV, a can of beans, or a new bathing suit, the Walmart was a one-stop-shop. But never did I once shake my booty in a Walmart. Apparently, I don't know what I am missing. In the "Walmart" video, the girls are performing a dance called the "New Orleans Bounce" and they do it all over the store. It is absolutely ridiculous and yet hilarious at the very same time. Because I find this video so entertaining, I decided to make a list of my top 5 booty shaking songs. So without further ado...

1. Mr. Ghetto "Walmart"

2. Juvenile "Back that Ass up"

3. Sisqo "Thong Song"

4. Ying Yang Twins "Shake it Like a Salt Shaker"

5. (Obviously) Sir Mix-a-Lot "Baby Got Back"

Honorable mentions: Bubba Sparx - "Miss New Bootie", Huey - "Pop, Lock, and Drop it", Diddy feat Nelly - "Shake Ya Tailfeather", Wrexx-N-Effect- "RumpShaker", Mystical - "Shake Ya Ass"

I am sure many people have their favorite booty shaking songs. Some old and some new. But these are my faves whether you like it or not. When I hear them, regardless if I am alone in my apartment or in a crowded bar, I like to get it moving. Ain't no shame in my game.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Karma's a bitch

My two biggest fears living in NYC are getting bed bugs in my apartment and injuring myself so bad I would have to be on crutches. I am very thankful that neither of these has happened to me so far. However, I recently fractured a bone in my foot and have to wear a boot on my foot. The doctor knows how hard this city is the get around with on crutches and offered me a cane instead. I politely declined even though I really could have blinged it out and worked a pimp cane. But I just didn't need it.

So how did I break my foot you may be thinking? Well, I fell on the sidewalk. Wearing 5-inch heels. While drunk. Ugh. So stupid. Yes, I remember falling and yes I remember thinking at the time that I did break something in my foot because it hurt so bad. See, I wasn't "that drunk" but drunk enough to take a tumble. So frustrating. I mean, I am 29 years old. I wear high heels quite often and drink quite often and yet have been lucky enough not to injure myself in all my drunken escapades. It's not like I am in college anymore where I'd wake up in the morning with cuts on my knees and feet and wonder where they came from. (It does happen occasionally with some bruises, but I do bump into things a lot, even sober.) I am a grown-up now.

Being in the boot for the last week (with two more to go) has really opened my eyes to more public transportation manners of people who ride the trains and buses here. I usually walk to my bus stop (2 blocks and 3 avenues away) in the morning and just take an uptown express bus to work. However, with the boot, its a struggle to walk to the bus, so I have been taking the crosstown bus. It's usually pretty crowded in the morning and silly me assumed that people might actually give up their seats to the girl in the boot. Boy, was I wrong. As soon as I hobble on the bus, people see the boot and avert their eyes from me. It's so disgusting. The nannies and other women with their children on the bus, pretend not to notice as to not give up their seats. Or even worse, just stare at me from their seats. So freaking rude. All I can say to them is karma is a bitch. What goes around comes around. It's not like its after work and people are exhausted and don't want to stand. This is the morning. The nannies are taking the kids to schools. I mean, really? And don't get me started on the men who pretend not to see. Where has chivalry gone? What if I was their wife or daughter? They'd want someone to give a seat up for them. Assholes.

When I see an old person, injured person, or pregnant person, I will almost always give up my seat no matter how crowded it is. It's common courtesy. Being in the boot has really opened my eyes to this. A lot.  But don't get me wrong, there have been some really nice, concerned people as well. People who ask how I injured myself and if I need any help getting on or off the bus. These people don't have to ask or care, but they do, and its pretty genuine. And for them, karma will not be a bitch. They will be rewarded.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It's like a car crash

I have lived in NYC for seven years now. In those seven years I have witnessed some pretty interesting things. Things that make my mouth drop, my head shake, and have me calling my mom immediately to explain what I just saw.  She almost always replied with "Are you sure you still love it there?" And I of course respond with a resounding "YES!  Below are four of the grossest situations I have witnessed in NYC so far. They are what I like to call my "OMG moments." I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. They are disgusting and inappropriate, but are not totally uncommon to people that live in this wonderful city that I now call home.

1) Man shitting behind a tree. I was playing the outfield during a softball game at DeWitt-Clinton field. There happens to be a little homeless population back behind the outfield just hanging out, doing their thing. Next thing I know, I look back a good 20 feet behind me at the big tree and a man has his pants down and is taking a dump right under the tree. I was in the middle of the game, but could not help but stare. It was like a car crash and I couldn't look away. I just hoped a fly ball didn't come my way. Thank the lord it didn't.

2) Man peeing on subway door. The very same night of #1, after the game, I walked back to the subway on 57th and 7th. A train I actually took to and from work everyday. It was about 10 pm and it is the last stop on that train so it sits in the station until it is ready to leave again. I sat down in a seat and then some man just enters my car, walks to the back doors, pulls down his pants, pees all over the door, zips up, and walks right back off the train. I immediately switched train cars.

3) Man on my stoop sitting in a puddle of his own diarrhea. This is the most recent of incidents and by far the grossest. It was a weekday and I was leaving my apartment at like 7:30 in the morning to head to work. When I walked out my front door, there was a homeless man sitting on my stoop in a puddle of his own diarrhea. This was not just any puddle. This was an enormous, brown, liquid puddle of shit. It was all over his pants and all around his feet and he was just sitting there. I obviously walked as far away from him as possible but not before dry heaving. I automatically felt sorry for my super who was obviously going to have to clean it up. So. Gross. It still makes me cringe when I think about it.

4) Penis Man. I saw this man my first month living in NYC. I was walking in Chelsea down Sixth Ave in the teens and a man pushing his shopping cart with his stereo playing music was walking toward me. It was the middle of the day and there were a lot of other pedestrians out walking around. As he got closer, I noticed that his fly was open and his dick was just hanging out of his pants. This was of course another situation where you know you should look away, but you just can't.

Although these stories are pretty gross, I am sure there are even grosser ones out there that other New Yorkers have. I am just thankful I haven't witnessed any of these yet.  And if that day comes when one of these stories are topped, you better believe I will be calling my mother right after to share all the juicy, gory details.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Laundry Bitch

Laundry is something that I find kind of personal. I am not a fan of others touching my laundry unless its my parents. They did my laundry the first 18 years of my life and besides myself, are the only ones that have handled and cleaned my dirty clothes. I did my first load of laundry as a freshman in college in the dorm laundry room. I was a natural. I had laundry rooms in my buildings freshman and sophomore years and junior and senior years I was lucky enough to get apartments with laundry in the unit. Talk about being spoiled. I thought I would never have to go back to using an all building laundry room again. Think again. In NYC, unless you are wealthy, it is VERY difficult, if not impossible, to find an apartment with laundry in your unit. And if you do, never, ever move. Ever.

As previously mentioned, I have the luxury of living in an apartment building with its own laundry room. In the 3 buildings I have lived in in NYC, I have always had laundry facilities in the building and have never had the "pleasure" of going to a laundromat. With having a shared laundry room, there are usually many unspoken rules that one must follow. They are basically general courtesies to be followed; the most common being that you give someone a five minute grace period to remove their stuff from the washer or the dryer before you remove it to a CLEAN area so you can put yours in. Or at least one would think so. This brings me to one of the angriest moments of my life. Let me share...

I am going to start with some background information. The washers in my building run for 38 minutes and the dryers for 45 minutes. Knowing this, if you start your wash when someone starts their dry, you know you are going to have to wait. No big deal. You can even see the time on the machine. So there is no rush to get down to your wash after 38 minutes if the other person's clothes are in the dryer. Am I right? Of course I am. So this brings me to the story.  I was doing my laundry one day and placed my clothes in the wash the same time one of my neighbors put hers in the dryer. I was going to come back down in 45 minutes to put my stuff in the dryer. No need to go earlier because, like I said before, the dryer was being occupied. So 45 minutes later, I came down and all my clean, wet clothes were sitting on top of the detergent spotted washer and some bitch put her laundry in the washing machine. Was she serious? The time on her machine was at 31 minutes meaning she literally yanked my stuff out at the 38 minute mark waiting probably all of 15 seconds. What was the rush? She knew I had to put my stuff in the dryer and she'd have to wait anyhow. I was furious. My now clean clothes were sitting on the not so clean washer and I had to rinse a bunch of them before finally putting them in the drier for the 45 minutes. But I wasn't done there. I looked at this person's washer timer and decided I was going to go downstairs to have a "conversation" with her about her lack of laundry room etiquette. I timed it perfectly with her wash and as she was leaving the room after realizing her laundry was going to have to wait in the washer because I still had time on my dryer, she was heading back upstairs. First of all, this bitch had headphones on. Who wears headphones in their own building? I have never seen this before. In a laundromat maybe. In your basement, its weird. I tapped her on the shoulder and she ignored me. I tapped her again and yelled "excuse me" to her. She turned around and took out one earpiece. I asked her if she took out my laundry and she said yes. Then I started to ask her (very nice and calm mind you...seriously), that if she was going to do that again, to make sure the area was clean. However, before I got out three words, she put her headphones back on, turned around and walked away. THAT FUCKING BITCH! Did she just blow me off? I literally wanted to yank the ponytail off her cunty little head. I am 100% serious. Who does she think she is? I stood there, shocked, with my fists clenched. I wanted to throw down. And I don't fight. Never have. But this really set me off. There was nothing more I could do. I wasn't going to yell and scream like a crazy person, so I had no other choice but to go back to my apartment and call my mother and vent. To her I could yell and scream like a crazy person about this stupid bitch. A few minutes later, I went down to grab my now dry laundry and headed back upstairs.

I wanted revenge.  But what could I do? I thought about going back downstairs and opening her dryers so her laundry would still be wet and she'd be out of time when she got back and have to do it again. I didn't do this because someone else was putting their laundry in the washer and I didn't want to screw them so that was out of the question. time perhaps. Or I could put a red sock in her whites next time I see her doing laundry. Genius. Or I could just trip her on the stairs. Or close the door in her face. I am so juvenile. But I will not forget what she did. I have seen her a few times since "the incident" and every single time I want to jack her in the face, but I am a lady so I refrain. She will get hers one day. (But I really hope I am the one to do it or at least get to see it go down.)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Chelsea and Khloe...Call me

I am just going to put it out there. I want to be friends with Khloe Kardashian and Chelsea Handler. Best friends. Yes, I have great friends here in NYC, but I am usually the loudest, most obnoxious, and raunchy of the bunch...all in the best ways possible. Of course. But I would love a partner, or two in crime. I am sure we all have celebs that we feel we relate to and if given the opportunity, would love to hangout with them and have a few drinks (or even let them treat us on a shopping spree).

I have read all of Chelsea's books and laughed out loud each time. Something rare for me. I even skimmed the book that Khloe and her sisters "wrote", Kardashian Konfidential (don't judge me for that one).  I watch both their respective shows on E! and each and every time, I conclude that the three of us would make a very dangerous, and very fun trio. If we did ever actually meet and hit the town, I fear for my liver, my life, and my self-respect.  From what I have seen from these ladies, I feel that we share a lot in common and easily could be fast friends.
So why you you ask do I think we would hit it off? Well, here it goes: we all share a vulgar vocabulary and sense of humor, a shameless attitude, a sense of independence, an apparent attraction to black men, and a love for high heels and Spanx. If I actually did research on them beyond their watching their TV shows and reading their books, I am sure the list could go on. But I am not a stalker, so I have not ever even googled them or looked at their personal websites. Some fan, huh?

However, there are few big traits that unfortunately I do not share with these ladies. They are both loaded. I mean, so. much. money. (I at least wouldn't be expected to cover the tab if we did go out.) They also both live in LA which would make our relationship geographically undesirable and I don't really do G.U. relationships. Too hard. Apparently that's all of the differences I can think of at the moment, so my pros outweigh my cons by a lot. Certainly not enough to deter me from hanging with them if they actually knew I existed. We are so meant to be. So to you, Chelsea and Khloe, if you are in NYC...holler at your girl.

Monday, September 12, 2011

I am not getting any younger...

Reading the title of this post, you may think I am referring to myself. I am not. I am quoting many mothers (mine included) that I know of girls my age who are still single. This specific quote has come out of my mom's mouth but most recently, it came out of the mouth of one of my best friend's (LL) mother. And not for the first time. Try almost every single time they talk and are together. She told LL she needs to hurry up and meet a man because "she is not getting any younger and if she needs someone to babysit her future children she better act now".  Nothing like a little motherly advice. It's like they think we actually enjoy being single when a lot of our other friends are getting married and even starting to have kids. This is not the case.

LL's mom and my mom have never met, but they certainly share the same opinions about their single daughters. Everyone is so "worried" for us single girls.  LL's mom even sent her a letter that said "she was very concerned for her future" because she is still single. This blew me away.  We laughed a whole lot about this one and read it over and over.  Laughing the entire time. A whole letter devoted to her daughter's singledom. Doesn't she see how awesome her daughter is? I actually think she does know which is why she is so shocked LL is still single and why my mom and other mothers just expect guys to automatically fall in love with their beautiful, charming, amazing daughters. Why can't the guys see what great catches our mom's, ourselves, and eacho ther know we are? Well, according to the mothers, there are many reasons we can't seem to land a man:

1) We are very unapproachable when we are out. How do they know this? They have never been to the bars with us. Do they picture us in the corner, arms crossed with scowls on our faces? Why yes, they do. Is this true? Absolutely not!

2) Any guy that talks to us, we disregard without giving him a chance.  This is not often the case. When guys do approach us, we do give them a chance. It's a slight one that we'd hope they try and take advantage of, but its a chance. If they don't use it to their fullest, then they best be on their way because we don't have the patience and they are blocking the way of other potential cuties.

3) Burping. Well this one is true and its all on me. My friends don't burp in public like I do and they often scold me for doing so, but I can't help it. Its a part of who I am. I really try to hold it in in public, especially if around cute guys, but sometimes the beer gets the best of me. Love it or leave it.

4) We don't approach guys, we wait for them to come to us. Another blatant falsity. I am very outgoing, even more so under the influence of alcohol (as are my friends). If we see someone that interests us, 8/10 times we will approach them. Do they always reciprocate the attraction? No. But that's life. You don't know if you don't try. So yes, moms, we do try. But don't expect us to just walk up to anyone. We do have high standards you know.

Mommas, yes, you aren't getting any younger, and neither are we.  Yes, we go out and have fun with our girlfriends and drink and dance all night, but is this something we want for the rest of our life? Absolutely not. We want to find a companion, life partner, maybe even the father of our chidren. It's not like we are actively trying to be single. We still haven't found "The One" and we aren't going to force it and we aren't going to settle. And you shouldn't pressure us into doing so. We know we deserve the best and would hope you feel the same way. It will happen. But it takes time. Be patient. And if it bothers you so much, start your own blog about your single, pathetic daughters.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Look out Patty Stanger

I have been set-up on blind dates a few times since living in NYC. Out of all of them, one led to a second date. And that was the end of that because he kept using his cell phone on the date which is soooo rude (and he also had a terrible name that I could NEVER picture myself saying. I never even called him by his name on either date. It was that bad.) Anyway, being set up can be fun and exciting because you don't know what's in store. And unless you are with a real loser, you usually get a free drink or two, or even a full meal out of the deal. If you have a great time, you start to picture the better times to come and get all giddy. If you have a terrible time, you at least come home with a funny story for your friends. One of my best friends actually met her husband by being set up by a mutual friend. That gives me some hope that it could still happen for me. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

I have never set anyone up before. Until now. And thanks to the world of Facebook, I just made my first set-up with two friends of mine and I could not be more excited for them. What if matchmaking is my calling? Or maybe I would just be 1/1 and go out on top? But its always fun when you know two people who may hit it off and you try to make it happen. And if sparks fly (and clothes come off), even better.

So the other day a friend and I were on my Facebook creepin' some people's pics. We were seeing if they had any cute friends. Then she noticed this guy on my page. She was like "Ooh, ooh, he's cute. Who is he? How do know him? What's his deal?" This guy is on my softball team and is a pretty cool kid. He's a pretty good softball player, he's really fast, and he's about her age. Well, that was enough for her to be intrigued. I jokingly mentioned that I should message him offering to set him up even though I don't him that well. Or suggested she could come to a game in the very near future and I could introduce them. Both of us being girls who like instant gratification, decided that I should message him right then and there.  I have little shame and had nothing to lose so I said I would. If anything, my friend has a new boy to gain. I wrote a very smooth, casual, humorous message asking his status (single?) and if he wanted to be set-up. We pressed send and the waiting game began. Would he write back? Would he think I was a total creep for even offering to set him up since I don't know him that well...I mean we just play softball together? Or would he be totally flattered that I thought to set him up? I mean, I know I would totally be flattered if someone sent me the message that I sent out.

A few days later he wrote me back apologizing for not seeing the message earlier, but saying he was definitely interested in being set-up. Score! I was so excited. My friend was excited. Woo-hoo! Part one of the matchmaking was a success. I am sure as I type, he is looking her up on Facebook and thinking of something suave and cool to message her with. Or is that just what us girls do? Regardless, we were both pretty jazzed that this might actually work. I mean if Patty Stanger gets paid a boatload of cash to set up loser after loser with an awful success rate, why can't I try it for free for people I actually want to be happy? I can only hope they go out and hit it off.  Who knows, maybe I earn my own Bravo matchmaking show...

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Lets ALL act like grown-ups

Well here's an age old question: Can you remain friends with your ex? Think about it. Ponder it. And I would hope the answer is yes if you have a amicable break-up and you know how to be a grown-up.  If the break-up is not so amicable, I can understand why you never would even want to hear this person's name again. But if it ended rather cordially, then there is no reason why these people can't be friends, right? (I mean, look, even Frankie and Gigi can do it on Jerseylicious, so it shouldn't be too difficult.)

I have had two serious boyfriends in my life. One I dated for about three years and another for about two years. Both of them have remained my friend after the break-up, which was something I prided myself on. This was of course until recently. I broke up with BF #1 in 2002 and have remained friends since then. He is now engaged and will be married in November. And although his fiancé is a downgrade (I mean, you can only go down after dating me...obviously), I am very happy for him and wish him nothing but the best. I broke up with BF #2 in 2007 and have remained friends with him up until very recently. In both cases, I did the breaking up and we still ended up on pretty good terms. I was up front and honest on why we couldn't continue the relationship, but also made it clear that if they were cool remaining friends, I would really like that.  If they didn't want to continue friendships with me, I would have understood completely. Honestly, I do not know if I could remain friends with someone who broke up with me, but it would really depend on the situation. A case by case basis.

So let me get back to my original question and why I am asking.  It all started about 6 months ago with BF #2. He started dating someone new and they got pretty serious kind of fast.  His new girlfriend has decided that he can not really remain in contact with me. When they started dating, it didn't seem to be an issue, but I don't think he was totally honest with her about our friendship and the fact we still hung out once in a while, although it was always totally platonic. Then I noticed that he untagged all the pictures of me and him on Facebook. So there I am in a bunch of these pictures, the only person tagged. Looking like a moron holding onto the past. Ugh. Not the case. I know this sounds stupid and immature to be mad over, but really, why would I need to untag or delete those pictures? I mean, we dated FOUR YEARS AGO and we are still friends. I have nothing to hide and this was so long ago. When I asked him about it, he said that it was disrespectful to his new girlfriend for us to be tagged in pictures together. I was also forbid to write on his wall again. Also disrespectful to the new girlfriend. My FB presence can't be felt. Ever. Remember, we have not been dating for four years; it's not like this is a fresh break-up. It was four-freaking years ago. Apparently this is threatening to her.  I do not get it. I am not after her man. I am not jealous of their relationship. I am just appalled how I am being treated as a so-called "friend." But, I guess he felt he had to do it for her. After this turn of events, we got in a huge fight about it and hadn't really spoken since because I was pissed.

Fast forward to a few days ago when I noticed that he defriended me on Facebook. And let me say, this set me in a rage. A rage I tell you. This guy whom I considered an actual friend, not just someone I met at a random event, and friended on Facebook, but a real friend, totally removed me. He didn't have the courtesy to inform me, or tell me why he was doing this, he just defriended me.  He kept my mom, my dad, my brother and other family members as friends, but defriended me. Are you kidding me? Apparently, his new girlfriend didn't like seeing my little 1x1 inch face, if it randomly appeared on his friend list when she was on his FB page. How often does that even occur when someone has 800 friends? Is she for real? Lady, you are in an adult relationship with someone who loves you and you can't handle seeing the face of his ex-gf from FOUR years ago on his page. Get the fuck over it. How insecure are you? I mean, I know I am a catch, and no one will ever compare to me, but seriously, be a grown up.

It's a fact that everyone has a dating history. Everyone has exes, but its also a fact is that you, new gf are now with that person. He loves you. You love them. That ship has sailed for me, and I am the one that let it go. I should be nowhere on your radar if you are in a healthy, stable, adult relationship. Am I wrong here? What irritates me even more is that he feeds into her insecurities by doing this. He could have had the balls to tell her that yes, we are still friends, and yes he wants me to remain in his life as a FRIEND, but he's just not that type of guy. Pussy. (Which is one of the reasons we are no longer dating.) I understand the need for him to keep the gf happy but when we were dating, he knew I still talked and hung out with BF #1 and was okay with it. I was open and honest and that was it. He knew there were no more lingering feelings there and that I loved him, so there was nothing to worry about.  So he is familiar with situations like this. I also know that if I had a new boyfriend, I would make it very clear that I was still in contact and friendly with both my ex-Bfs and he should feel no competition. At all. That is how grown-ups should handle relationships.  I guess, in the end, the answer to my original question of staying friends with your ex apparently depends on a number of factors including maturity, security, and the dude not being a gigantic pussy. Yep, I said it. And now my rage has decreased a little. Thanks.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Every night, the same

Manhattan really is a city that has everything right at the tip if your fingers. You walk out your door to a million options of food, clothes, entertainment, etc... However most people that live in the city have their favorite neighborhood haunts that they frequent more often then they would like to admit. Everyone has their "go-to" place. Mine is the little Greek place right around the corner from my apartment building.  I go at least 2-3 times a week to grab dinner. The girls behind the counter know me there and when I order my salad, they know before I even have to ask, to throw in an extra dressing on the side. Sounds great, right?  Well sometimes I get self conscious going in there because I wonder if they think its weird I buy food from them so often. I feel like they are like "oh, this chick again...does she ever cook?" Well yes, it's me again, and you are correct, I barely cook unless you count throwing a Lean Cuisine in the microwave or tossing a bunch of veggies in a bowl for a salad. Whenever I walk in there, it makes me think of the Sex and the City episode where Miranda calls for Chinese takeout and starts to order her food and the take-out girl interrupts her with the rest of the order, knowing already what she is going to say. She then follows it up in the most stereotypical Asian-American accent with one of my favorite lines of the entire SATC series, "Every night, the same. Haha...hahahahaha."
Needless to say, Miranda gets pissed. She thinks the take out girl is making fun of her. Of her sad, pathetic, single life. Well guess what Miranda? I know that feeling. And the girls at the place I go to don't even laugh at me (at least not in front of my face.)  However at the end of the episode when Miranda goes down to the restaurant to confront the take-out girl, she realizes that is just how the girl acts toward everyone. Miranda realizes she was being paranoid and the girl wasn't laughing at her after all. I am not saying I feel pathetic when I go to order my food, because really, there are probably other people that eat there like 5 -6 days a week compared to my 2-3. Maybe I am being overly sensitive/dramatic. Who knows? But probably yes. I do know, they make great, cheap food that is reasonably healthy so I need to just stop being so paranoid and appreciate the convenience.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's all mine

I lived with my parents the first 18 years of my life.  When I went away to college, I lived with roommates all four years.  Then I moved to NYC for graduate school and again had a roommate.  When school ended I got an apartment with a friend and we lived together for the next three years. Almost 75% of the third year we lived together we didn't speak to each other but we sucked it up until our lease ran out. I could not wait to find a new apartment. And I wanted to live alone. I would feel so grown up. I didn't know if I could afford an apartment by myself in NYC with my salary but I was going to try my hardest to do so. And through the miracle of Craigslist, I found an amazing studio in an elevator building with a laundry room in the basement (Do you know how rare it is in NYC to have an elevator and laundry in a non-doorman building??). I hit the jackpot and three years later I could not be happier in MY apartment. That's right, its all mine. I have lived alone for three years now and haven't looked back. Some people think living by yourself can be lonely. But I love spending time with myself so that's not really an issue. In fact, there are so many pros to living alone, that I don't know where to start. So below, I have listed my three favorite reasons for living alone.
1) You can go to the bathroom with the door open. Every. Single. Time. I don't think I have ever closed the bathroom door in my apartment since I have moved in, unless I have company over. But most of my friends are use to me going to the bathroom with the door open and don't mind. It's part of my charm. When you live alone, you can pee, poop, shower, wax, or do whatever needs to be done in the bathroom (or any room for that matter) and no one else will see. It's phenomenal.

2) You can walk around topless(or bottomless...or naked).  One of the first things I do when I get home is take off my pants. They are restricting. Then usually the bra comes off. And if I am really warm, I will lose the shirt. And guess what? It doesn't matter because no one is here to see me. Not a single person. It's great. Freedom at its finest.

3) You can eat what you want, whenever you want without judgment. If you want Trader Joes Spinach-Artichoke dip for breakfast (not that I have ever done this...wink, wink!) and cake and ice cream for dinner, no one can give you the side-eye. Even though I am a grown-up and should be use to such freedoms, I don't have to worry about being judged and enjoy every second of it.

Luckily I am a really neat person. Some might call me a little anal retentive. But even though I live alone, I still make my bed every morning and can't go to bed with dishes in sink. Things that most people probably don't or wouldn't do if they lived alone and knew no one else would see it. Now that I have lived alone for so long, I don't think I could ever have a roommate again. And if I did, it will be my future husband and you best believe he will be cool with me pooping with door open. He's gotta see what he's in for in the long haul after all. And I guarantee it will be well worth it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sammi...You suck

I watch Jersey Shore every Thursday night. I am not ashamed to say it's one of my favorite shows on TV. I have been watching from the beginning and I wish I could actually party with the cast at Karma or Bamboo. No Joke. However, there is one person that I would not want anywhere near me: Sammi. Girlfriend, you SUCK. I actually feel bad for you because you suck so much. Let me first say that I do think you are by far, the prettiest girl in the house and probably actually have tons of guys, nice guys, interested in you. However, you give all women a bad name by the way you let Ronnie treat you. And you keep going back for more. It's Sickening. Watching you week after week, I know I am not the only one who constantly cringes and wants to throw stuff at the screen when you come on. Or better yet, hop into the TV and really just pound some sense into you. Maybe then will you wake up and see what the rest of America sees.

What are you doing exactly that makes me embarrassed for you? You maintain one of the most unhealthy and abusive relationships I have ever seen. You are the most insecure, immature, and needy chick I have seen in a long time.  How many times are you going to "be done" with Ron? How many times are you going to walk away from him only to crawl back in his bed a few hours (or even minutes) later craving his attention? How many times are you going to tell Ron to "do you" and then when he does, you freak out?  How many times are going to ask Ron if he loves you and why? Pathetic. Ugh, Sammi, you seriously suck. You suck so much.

Sweetheart, are you watching yourself season after season? Do you see what we see? How can you not be repulsed with your own behavior? And better yet, how have your friends or even your parents not had an intervention with you? You are clearly in an relationship detrimental to yourself (and the sanity of those around you) and even though you seem to lack any speck of a personality, I am sure there are plenty of NJ dudes who would treat you way nicer than Ronnie does. So Sammie, please do us all a favor, man up and "be done" with Ron ONCE AND FOR ALL. And if you can't do that, get off my TV!!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Is there a stigma?

Probably over half of the phone calls I have with my mother end with her saying "Love you...(pause)....Jdate." Mind you I talk with her multiple times a day (that's a whole other issue) so I hear this quite often.  She tries to sneak it in there subliminally like I am not going to hear it. If you know her, you can probably actually picture her doing this or even here her saying it.  The woman is obsessed with me internet dating. Obsessed I tell you. She (and my grandma on numerous separate occasions) have even offered to pay for it for me. I am 29 years old, make good money, and they are offering to pay for MY internet dating. That is how bad they want me to do it. You'd think they have stock in JDate. They actually don't care what dating site I use, as long as I find a nice Jewish husband.  However, for some reason, even though it is 2011 and so many people use internet dating, I still feel there is a stigma attached with it. If I did do it, and actually met the man of my dreams, and someone asked me how we met, I would be mortified to say "JDate" (or any online dating service). I don't know what it is, but I really find it to be embarrassing. However, if others tell me they met that way, I don't laugh or think its weird. It's my own little issue that I just can't get over. My mom actually thinks it's more embarrassing to meet my future husband in a bar than on the internet, but I just can't agree with her on that one.

I have had friends do JDate, eHarmony, Match, and OkCupid and I don't judge them. To each their own, but its just not my thing. I love hearing stories of their dates. Many of them however, don't end promising enough to give me the motivation to join.  I may be singing a different tune in a few more years (or even a few more months) if I am still single, but for now, I am happy going out and meeting different guys, even if they barely peak my interest. I like face to face contact; seeing what a person really looks like the first time I meet them. The internet can be deceiving and yes, I do care what someone looks like. Call me shallow, but anyone who is saying looks don't matter is flat out lying. Yes, someone may not be the most attractive person at first, but can get more and more attractive the more you know them and their personality, but you aren't going to talk to someone you don't know (or click on their profile) if they are uggs.

So, why am I so against internet dating for myself? Well, I am actually pretty confident with my social skills and am working on being more confident with my appearance. But I think I would be even more insecure if I posted my best pictures online and then met up with a guy from the internet and just saw his look of disappointment. I couldn't handle that. This is my major fear with internet dating.

Ultimately, I would love to have a great story on how I met my future husband. Maybe a friend introduced us. "God, I have this friend. She is such a catch. Really amazing. You should meet her" and he does and falls in love with me. Or we bump carts at Trader Joes, chit chat a bit, then he asks me out. Or you are on the opposite team of one of the many sports I play and are just so impressed by my athleticism you have to meet me. Whatever it may be, I just feel in my heart that I am not going to meet my future husband online. However, if I do decide to give it a go, you better believe I will be entering my mother's credit card number in the payment section.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hey, do I know you?

When you live in one of the greatest cities in the world, its no surprise that many celebrities live here or visit frequently. I consider myself to be a very observant person so I am usually able to spot a celebrity right away on the street or in a store. Additionally because I watch so many TV shows, I can spot your most Z-list celeb and get excited over it even if no one else around hasn't a clue who they are.  What's weird about most of these sightings, especially the reality TV celebs, is that I will see them and think they look super familiar to me; like I know them from real life, and then come to realize that they are "famous." Then I feel really lame (for a brief millisecond), laugh at myself, and text someone who would appreciate this sighting.

In lieu if my most recent celeb sighting, which was incredible btw, (none other than the "Social Assassin" himself, Larry David) I decided to sit down and make a list the celeb sightings I have had while living in NYC. While some are better than others, I still pretty much turn into a grinning-school-girl-idiot when I see any of them. I will call or text a friend or my parents immediately which is usually met with a "Who is that?" but they can't steal my thunder. I do not however, go up to the celebrity and ask for a photo or autograph (what are the point of these anyway?) Us New Yorkers are cool. We are smooth. We aren't supposed to care if a celeb is in our midst. They're just like us, right? We are just supposed to pretend they aren't famous and it's totally normal to see them out and about, but I can't do that. Like I said before, I don't go up and harass them but I do tend to stare at them. A lot. Sue me.

Below are some of the best celebrity sightings I have had while living here:

Ray Allen- My very first NYC celeb sighting during my very first time in NYC. I was in Little Italy with my mom and Ray and a female were dining outside. I was in awe. I mean, it's Jesus Shuttlesworth after all.
Larry David- Walking right down 79th between Park and Mad just the other day. I literally stopped and stared. I had to pick my jaw off the ground and didn't know who to call first to tell. I don't what it is about that man, but he just cracks me up.
Diddy- I have seen Diddy twice now. Once when he voted on election day at my school (which was a polling place) and another in Central Park barking to someone on his cell phone. There is something about him that exudes power and arrogance that I just find so attractive.
LL Cool J- Also came to vote at my school. Licking his lips over and over. Me staring and drooling over and over.
Christopher Meloni (Det. Stabler from SVU)- Also came to vote at my school. He can arrest me anyday.
Denzel Washington- At my grad school graduation dinner/celebration with my family, Denzel was there eating a few tables away. Nothing like enjoying a fabulous meal with delicious eye candy on the side.
Jay-Z and Beyonce- These two were exiting their car and entering the very same restaurant that we were leaving and Denzel was still inside. Obviously that restaurant is for only the most important people (which is why I was there, natch).
Hulk Hogan- My dad actually spotted Hulk while we were shopping at the H&M on Fifth Ave and got so excited. It was adorable. It was my parents first time visiting me in NYC and they got a fantastic celeb sighting.
Uma Thurman- I literally ran into her at Newark airport. She had her backed turned and ran right into me. As I was about to say something nasty to her for bumping me, she turned around and I looked up and realized who it was. Ooops, my bad, of course.
Elliot Spitzer- For three weeks straight, I passed this man like four times running in Central Park. Whenever I pass him, I giggle because I am so grossed out by what he did. (P.S. he has the weirdest body.)
Charles Barkeley- My first year living in NYC, I was at the China Club (don't judge, I was young), and there was Sir Charles at the bar chillin' with an ugly chick. If he thought she was pretty, he had to think I was cute, right? Apparently not, as he didn't even glance our way.
Kate Gosselin- She was jogging in Central Park alone. She was wearing a full face of make-up which made me only think of her being even more ridiculous, but it was still cool seeing her.

Other noteables (and where I saw them in case you care):
Julianne Moore (57th St subway), Pete From 30 Rock (union square subway), Howard stern and his wife (jogging in Central Park quite a few times) Jason Hoppy a.k.a Mr. Bethanny Frankel (Running in CP), Bill Rancic (China Club with Sir Charles), Carla from Top Chef (dining out on UWS),  Star Jones (Dining out on UES), Al Roker (walking around UES), Ramona singer (and her husband Mario and daughter Avery on numerous separate occasions) (I see her all the time on the UES...I think she lives right by me... and yes, she does have CRAZY EYES), Countess Luanne (walking around UES), Martin Short (outside his building on UES), Allan Houston (visiting my school), David Schwimmer (Apple Store Soho), Chris Noth (8th St. subway), Téa Leoni (walking around UES), David Duchovny (on numerous occasions walking around UES...he must live real close to me too), Cousin Ari from Mad About You (Shake Shack UWS)

My array of MTV Real World/Road Rules/Challenge peeps:
Brandon From Fresh Meat (at the Frying Pan), Mallory from RW: Paris (Bryant Park Grill), Chet from RW: Brooklyn (Shake Shack UWS), Paula, Janelle, both RW: Key West and Darrell from RR (in Chinatown shopping for knock-offs. I guess those shows don't pay as much as I had originally thought.) 

While I am sure I am forgetting some, it was kind of cool to look back and make this list. There are a few celebs who I still would love to see in real life who live in NYC or are here quite often: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kelly Ripa, Tina Fey, and Snookie.  But if its meant to be, it will be. But for the time being, I will continue to bask in the joy of seeing someone from some random reality show.

Friday, September 2, 2011

This is not your bathroom, kitchen, etc...

I live in a city that is about 13 miles long and 2 miles wide.  Doesn't sound that big but when you need to get somewhere, you can't just hop in your car and get there in a few minutes. That is why most NYers do not have cars (besides the fact its nearly impossible to park them). We rely on walking and public transportation to get us most places.  My most frequent means of transpo is the subway and I take it often. This also happens to be the location where I see some of the weirdest and rudest people I have ever seen. If you live in NYC, there is no doubt in my mind you have encountered some very "interesting" behaviors on your way to work or running errands or going where ever it is you are going. Mind you, I am not talking about the performers, preachers, or beggars. I am talking about your "normal" everyday folks going where they need to go. You get on the train (usually in a rush), keep your head down and try to mind your business (because its obvi way more important than everyone elses) and you wait for your stop.  However, there is something that you see, smell, or hear that you just can't ignore. I am not what you would call a patient person, and this becomes even more apparent when I am trapped in a moving vehicle with a bunch of strangers when someone is doing something I find annoying or strangely inappropriate.  There are certain behaviors, faux pas if you will, that I witness on the train frequently that I just can't help but get bothered by. They infuriate me and ruin my commute. They are things that are usually considered to be socially unacceptable, yet somehow some folks think they are totally appropriate to do on the train. And they most certainly are NOT.

So what bothers me the most on the train? In no particular order:
1) People clipping their finger nails. Can you believe people would actually do this in a crowded train car? Me either. But it happens, and more often than one would think. If I am on one side of the train, and the nail clipping asshole is on the other, I can hear that"clip clip" from a mile away and it gives me the shivers. Clipping one's fingernails is something that should be done in a salon or the privacy of your own home, not on a crowded train. It's disgusting. The noise is enough to bother me, but the thought of that person's nail clippings just flying everywhere is just. plain. gross.

2) Singing along to your music. Not only can everyone on the train hear what's coming out of your headphones because the volume is usually obnoxiously high, but you apparently think you are on American Idol and can sing. And its awful. Usually the worst offenders are the teenagers (or even grown men) rapping along to their iPods. Hey, guess what buddy? You suck, and no one wants to hear you. Please stop. Thanks.

3) Eating smelly food or food that requires silverware. If a person is eating on the train, it doesn't normally bother me. Everyone is in a rush, and if you need a little snack to tide you over, go for it. Some chips or some trail mix, be my guest. But a full meal? If you pull something out that fills the whole train with its aroma, that's not okay. McDonalds and Taco Bell are two common repeat smelly offenders. They cause me to salivate, stare, and generally make me hungry and jealous.  I have also seen someone whip out their chicken and rice and start eating it with a knife and fork. I mean, really? You can't wait? We don't want to watch you eat and you really shouldn't want so many people breathing around your food. Germ alert.

4)  The person leaning their entire body on the pole so no one can hold on. Hey jerk, there is barely any standing room on this train and I need to hold on to something so I don't fall over. I can't though, because you feel that you are so important that you are going to lean your entire body on the pole and leave no room for anyone to grab on. You are so rude and if you don't realize that everyone around you is giving you dirty looks for being so rude then I hope everyone with nothing to hold onto all fall on to you at once.

5) People who sit spread eagle or have their bags on the seat when its crowded. If the train is pretty empty, you usually can get a seat on your ride. It's a little harder during peak hours. It's even more difficult if the 230 pound man sitting there has his legs so far apart he looks like he is about to birth a child. He is taking up close to 3 seats and has zero social awareness to know this. Similar to this is the person who uses the space next to them for their precious bags. I understand you don't want them touching the ground, but put them on your lap or balance them on your feet to give someone a seat and make the train the slightest bit less crowded.  And if you don't, I will passive aggressively try to scoot my way onto that 3 inch opening you left and make room for myself.

Honorable Mentions: Women putting their full face of make-up on (um, this isn't your bathroom) and people with backpacks (take them off when you get on! They take up so much damn room).

You might wonder if these things bother me so much, why don't I ask the offender to stop? Sometimes in the case of numbers 4 and 5, I do. But for the first 3, I have seen fights on the train for someone trying to voice their opinions.  And um, hello, have you ever seen a subway fight on YouTube? I am not looking to star in any of those any time soon. If I am bothered enough, I hop in a new car, get off and wait for another train, or just sit in my seat with my head down fuming until my stop. I am usually a pretty assertive person, but sometimes you just need to ignore, ignore, ignore.  And if you ever see me doing any of those things on the train, feel free to either yell at me or go home and blog about it.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

We're Wilderness Girls and it's Cookie Time

I was a child of the 80's, and there are movies from that time period, and the early 90's that I still LOVE. They are movies, if on TV, even though I own them, I will insist on watching. Sure, I can throw in the DVD and get the whole version without commercials anytime I want, but there is just something special when one of my favorite movies is on TV. I sit there in my apt, like a loser, and can recite most of the lines word for word. My ability to recite the lines is a gift and I continue to impress myself each time.

Below are my Top 5 favorite movies in order, with two of my favorite quotes from the movie (it was too hard to pick just one) along with one of my favorite scenes.  There are obvious others that come very close to making that list that might be on your top 5.  Most girls my age will have at least one or two, if not all of these movies on their all-time list but we all have different tastes. However, if you consider yourself a friend of mine and haven't seen each of these movies, please don't inform me of this because it will just upset me and you need to stop reading right immediately and get them on your Netflix queue.

1. Troop Beverly Hills  
"Annie Herman, boy yoy yoing"
"Patches...we don't need no stinkin' patches"
I am also not embarrassed at all to know 90% of the lyrics to this beauty...It's cookie time:

2. Can't Buy Me Love 
"Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips, and dorks"
"He went from like, totally geek, to totally chic"
The African Anteater ritual:

3. The Goonies  
"Pinches of power, pinches of power"
Lets not forget the famous Truffle Shuffle:

4. Dirty Dancing   
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner"
"I carried a watermelon"
The Final Dance:

5. Pretty Woman    
"Well color me happy! There's a sofa in here for two!"
"I'm a safety girl"
Sweet, sweet revenge:

I hope watching these clips took you back a bit to your childhood and brought a smile to your face. It might have even given you a craving to throw one of them in your DVD player. So go ahead, throw your hair in a side pony, and watch away.