This is not your bathroom, kitchen, etc...

I live in a city that is about 13 miles long and 2 miles wide.  Doesn't sound that big but when you need to get somewhere, you can't just hop in your car and get there in a few minutes. That is why most NYers do not have cars (besides the fact its nearly impossible to park them). We rely on walking and public transportation to get us most places.  My most frequent means of transpo is the subway and I take it often. This also happens to be the location where I see some of the weirdest and rudest people I have ever seen. If you live in NYC, there is no doubt in my mind you have encountered some very "interesting" behaviors on your way to work or running errands or going where ever it is you are going. Mind you, I am not talking about the performers, preachers, or beggars. I am talking about your "normal" everyday folks going where they need to go. You get on the train (usually in a rush), keep your head down and try to mind your business (because its obvi way more important than everyone elses) and you wait for your stop.  However, there is something that you see, smell, or hear that you just can't ignore. I am not what you would call a patient person, and this becomes even more apparent when I am trapped in a moving vehicle with a bunch of strangers when someone is doing something I find annoying or strangely inappropriate.  There are certain behaviors, faux pas if you will, that I witness on the train frequently that I just can't help but get bothered by. They infuriate me and ruin my commute. They are things that are usually considered to be socially unacceptable, yet somehow some folks think they are totally appropriate to do on the train. And they most certainly are NOT.

So what bothers me the most on the train? In no particular order:
1) People clipping their finger nails. Can you believe people would actually do this in a crowded train car? Me either. But it happens, and more often than one would think. If I am on one side of the train, and the nail clipping asshole is on the other, I can hear that"clip clip" from a mile away and it gives me the shivers. Clipping one's fingernails is something that should be done in a salon or the privacy of your own home, not on a crowded train. It's disgusting. The noise is enough to bother me, but the thought of that person's nail clippings just flying everywhere is just. plain. gross.

2) Singing along to your music. Not only can everyone on the train hear what's coming out of your headphones because the volume is usually obnoxiously high, but you apparently think you are on American Idol and can sing. And its awful. Usually the worst offenders are the teenagers (or even grown men) rapping along to their iPods. Hey, guess what buddy? You suck, and no one wants to hear you. Please stop. Thanks.

3) Eating smelly food or food that requires silverware. If a person is eating on the train, it doesn't normally bother me. Everyone is in a rush, and if you need a little snack to tide you over, go for it. Some chips or some trail mix, be my guest. But a full meal? If you pull something out that fills the whole train with its aroma, that's not okay. McDonalds and Taco Bell are two common repeat smelly offenders. They cause me to salivate, stare, and generally make me hungry and jealous.  I have also seen someone whip out their chicken and rice and start eating it with a knife and fork. I mean, really? You can't wait? We don't want to watch you eat and you really shouldn't want so many people breathing around your food. Germ alert.

4)  The person leaning their entire body on the pole so no one can hold on. Hey jerk, there is barely any standing room on this train and I need to hold on to something so I don't fall over. I can't though, because you feel that you are so important that you are going to lean your entire body on the pole and leave no room for anyone to grab on. You are so rude and if you don't realize that everyone around you is giving you dirty looks for being so rude then I hope everyone with nothing to hold onto all fall on to you at once.

5) People who sit spread eagle or have their bags on the seat when its crowded. If the train is pretty empty, you usually can get a seat on your ride. It's a little harder during peak hours. It's even more difficult if the 230 pound man sitting there has his legs so far apart he looks like he is about to birth a child. He is taking up close to 3 seats and has zero social awareness to know this. Similar to this is the person who uses the space next to them for their precious bags. I understand you don't want them touching the ground, but put them on your lap or balance them on your feet to give someone a seat and make the train the slightest bit less crowded.  And if you don't, I will passive aggressively try to scoot my way onto that 3 inch opening you left and make room for myself.

Honorable Mentions: Women putting their full face of make-up on (um, this isn't your bathroom) and people with backpacks (take them off when you get on! They take up so much damn room).

You might wonder if these things bother me so much, why don't I ask the offender to stop? Sometimes in the case of numbers 4 and 5, I do. But for the first 3, I have seen fights on the train for someone trying to voice their opinions.  And um, hello, have you ever seen a subway fight on YouTube? I am not looking to star in any of those any time soon. If I am bothered enough, I hop in a new car, get off and wait for another train, or just sit in my seat with my head down fuming until my stop. I am usually a pretty assertive person, but sometimes you just need to ignore, ignore, ignore.  And if you ever see me doing any of those things on the train, feel free to either yell at me or go home and blog about it.