Lets ALL act like grown-ups

Well here's an age old question: Can you remain friends with your ex? Think about it. Ponder it. And I would hope the answer is yes if you have a amicable break-up and you know how to be a grown-up.  If the break-up is not so amicable, I can understand why you never would even want to hear this person's name again. But if it ended rather cordially, then there is no reason why these people can't be friends, right? (I mean, look, even Frankie and Gigi can do it on Jerseylicious, so it shouldn't be too difficult.)

I have had two serious boyfriends in my life. One I dated for about three years and another for about two years. Both of them have remained my friend after the break-up, which was something I prided myself on. This was of course until recently. I broke up with BF #1 in 2002 and have remained friends since then. He is now engaged and will be married in November. And although his fiancé is a downgrade (I mean, you can only go down after dating me...obviously), I am very happy for him and wish him nothing but the best. I broke up with BF #2 in 2007 and have remained friends with him up until very recently. In both cases, I did the breaking up and we still ended up on pretty good terms. I was up front and honest on why we couldn't continue the relationship, but also made it clear that if they were cool remaining friends, I would really like that.  If they didn't want to continue friendships with me, I would have understood completely. Honestly, I do not know if I could remain friends with someone who broke up with me, but it would really depend on the situation. A case by case basis.

So let me get back to my original question and why I am asking.  It all started about 6 months ago with BF #2. He started dating someone new and they got pretty serious kind of fast.  His new girlfriend has decided that he can not really remain in contact with me. When they started dating, it didn't seem to be an issue, but I don't think he was totally honest with her about our friendship and the fact we still hung out once in a while, although it was always totally platonic. Then I noticed that he untagged all the pictures of me and him on Facebook. So there I am in a bunch of these pictures, the only person tagged. Looking like a moron holding onto the past. Ugh. Not the case. I know this sounds stupid and immature to be mad over, but really, why would I need to untag or delete those pictures? I mean, we dated FOUR YEARS AGO and we are still friends. I have nothing to hide and this was so long ago. When I asked him about it, he said that it was disrespectful to his new girlfriend for us to be tagged in pictures together. I was also forbid to write on his wall again. Also disrespectful to the new girlfriend. My FB presence can't be felt. Ever. Remember, we have not been dating for four years; it's not like this is a fresh break-up. It was four-freaking years ago. Apparently this is threatening to her.  I do not get it. I am not after her man. I am not jealous of their relationship. I am just appalled how I am being treated as a so-called "friend." But, I guess he felt he had to do it for her. After this turn of events, we got in a huge fight about it and hadn't really spoken since because I was pissed.

Fast forward to a few days ago when I noticed that he defriended me on Facebook. And let me say, this set me in a rage. A rage I tell you. This guy whom I considered an actual friend, not just someone I met at a random event, and friended on Facebook, but a real friend, totally removed me. He didn't have the courtesy to inform me, or tell me why he was doing this, he just defriended me.  He kept my mom, my dad, my brother and other family members as friends, but defriended me. Are you kidding me? Apparently, his new girlfriend didn't like seeing my little 1x1 inch face, if it randomly appeared on his friend list when she was on his FB page. How often does that even occur when someone has 800 friends? Is she for real? Lady, you are in an adult relationship with someone who loves you and you can't handle seeing the face of his ex-gf from FOUR years ago on his page. Get the fuck over it. How insecure are you? I mean, I know I am a catch, and no one will ever compare to me, but seriously, be a grown up.

It's a fact that everyone has a dating history. Everyone has exes, but its also a fact is that you, new gf are now with that person. He loves you. You love them. That ship has sailed for me, and I am the one that let it go. I should be nowhere on your radar if you are in a healthy, stable, adult relationship. Am I wrong here? What irritates me even more is that he feeds into her insecurities by doing this. He could have had the balls to tell her that yes, we are still friends, and yes he wants me to remain in his life as a FRIEND, but he's just not that type of guy. Pussy. (Which is one of the reasons we are no longer dating.) I understand the need for him to keep the gf happy but when we were dating, he knew I still talked and hung out with BF #1 and was okay with it. I was open and honest and that was it. He knew there were no more lingering feelings there and that I loved him, so there was nothing to worry about.  So he is familiar with situations like this. I also know that if I had a new boyfriend, I would make it very clear that I was still in contact and friendly with both my ex-Bfs and he should feel no competition. At all. That is how grown-ups should handle relationships.  I guess, in the end, the answer to my original question of staying friends with your ex apparently depends on a number of factors including maturity, security, and the dude not being a gigantic pussy. Yep, I said it. And now my rage has decreased a little. Thanks.