I have lived in NYC for seven years now. In those seven years I have witnessed some pretty interesting things. Things that make my mouth drop, my head shake, and have me calling my mom immediately to explain what I just saw. She almost always replied with "Are you sure you still love it there?" And I of course respond with a resounding "YES! Below are four of the grossest situations I have witnessed in NYC so far. They are what I like to call my "OMG moments." I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. They are disgusting and inappropriate, but are not totally uncommon to people that live in this wonderful city that I now call home.
1) Man shitting behind a tree. I was playing the outfield during a softball game at DeWitt-Clinton field. There happens to be a little homeless population back behind the outfield just hanging out, doing their thing. Next thing I know, I look back a good 20 feet behind me at the big tree and a man has his pants down and is taking a dump right under the tree. I was in the middle of the game, but could not help but stare. It was like a car crash and I couldn't look away. I just hoped a fly ball didn't come my way. Thank the lord it didn't.
2) Man peeing on subway door. The very same night of #1, after the game, I walked back to the subway on 57th and 7th. A train I actually took to and from work everyday. It was about 10 pm and it is the last stop on that train so it sits in the station until it is ready to leave again. I sat down in a seat and then some man just enters my car, walks to the back doors, pulls down his pants, pees all over the door, zips up, and walks right back off the train. I immediately switched train cars.
3) Man on my stoop sitting in a puddle of his own diarrhea. This is the most recent of incidents and by far the grossest. It was a weekday and I was leaving my apartment at like 7:30 in the morning to head to work. When I walked out my front door, there was a homeless man sitting on my stoop in a puddle of his own diarrhea. This was not just any puddle. This was an enormous, brown, liquid puddle of shit. It was all over his pants and all around his feet and he was just sitting there. I obviously walked as far away from him as possible but not before dry heaving. I automatically felt sorry for my super who was obviously going to have to clean it up. So. Gross. It still makes me cringe when I think about it.
4) Penis Man. I saw this man my first month living in NYC. I was walking in Chelsea down Sixth Ave in the teens and a man pushing his shopping cart with his stereo playing music was walking toward me. It was the middle of the day and there were a lot of other pedestrians out walking around. As he got closer, I noticed that his fly was open and his dick was just hanging out of his pants. This was of course another situation where you know you should look away, but you just can't.
Although these stories are pretty gross, I am sure there are even grosser ones out there that other New Yorkers have. I am just thankful I haven't witnessed any of these yet. And if that day comes when one of these stories are topped, you better believe I will be calling my mother right after to share all the juicy, gory details.
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