Common Sense or Nah?

February tends to be the month of love because of Valentine’s Day. Duh. There's lots of hearts, and pink, and affection. This February, like those in the last couple year’s past, I don’t have a Valentine, but I didn't let that get me down. I have recently decided to put myself out there a little more and get back into the online dating scene after taking a hiatus from it for a couple of months due to lots of frustration and demoralization. Comes with the territory I guess. But that certainly doesn't mean I have to accept it and think that's the norm. I have to dust myself off and get back out there. I mean I barely go out, and I don’t have a steady job so it’s hard to meet people IRL so this is kind of my only (albeit awful) option. Online dating is pretty much one of the only ways I can meet some single males. So yeah, Tinder and Bumble somehow had to make their way back onto my phone and back into my life. Sigh.

I have a couple other girlfriends who are on this online dating journey with me and between all of us, we are covering Bumble, Tinder, OKCupid, and Match, and over two cities, Chicago and New York. Turns out, the guys in NYC and Chicago are really no different from each other and continue to frustrate and confuse the fuck out of us, but also lead to some pretty hysterical and entertaining screen shots and group chats. After all these conversations, I decided I wanted to take it upon myself to write a post on what we want guys to know about online dating.

If you’re reading this and are a female, you are probably (most likely) nodding your head in agreement like “damn, this should be common sense.” And a little "Preach on sister-friend." If you are reading this and a chick and have guy friends on these dating websites, do us all a favor and pass this on to your guy friends and give them a hint in the right direction. If you’re a dude and reading this, please take these suggestions seriously. Some of it may sound a little shallow, but hey, dating is kind of shallow, especially when it's online. When you are judging people by a few pictures and a few sentences, you don't have much to work with. You're hoping this person wants to give a good impression and convey who they are in the best way possible. Mind you, for the most part, my friends and I have VERY different taste in guys, yet seem to agree on all of the below based on our current online dating experiences. So from all our laughs and complaints and wishes and hopes, we hope to be doing everyone here a solid by informing you what a good online dating profile and experience should entail...

Profile:

1) Have at least 3 RECENT pictures. Is there really a need to explain this more? One pic is not enough. No pics is unacceptable and an automatic skip or swipe left.

2) Have at least one full body picture.

3) Chill with the selfies. One may be okay, but all selfies is most certainly not okay. You don't have one recent picture that someone else took (or that you could crop yourself out of)?

4) Don't have all group pictures. We are not going to go beyond more than one picture to try and figure out who you are.

5) Tell us your height. Yes, it’s a little shallow. But also yes, most of us girls care. I wish we didn’t. But we do.

6) Show your teeth in at least one picture. Otherwise we think you’re hiding something in there. (I’ve learned this the hard way so if there’s no full teeth smile, I’m taking a pass.)

7) Have proper grammar and no typos in your bio. Again, this is self explanatory. And important. You are being judged by this. If you can’t take the time to write a proper bio, then you clearly aren’t that serious about dating.

8) Don’t put your IG name on your profile if you’re private on there. We want to creep your profile, not add you. Are you here to meet someone you connect with or gain more followers?

Messaging:

1) If you're not interested, just unmatch right away. If we write you and you don't have a desire to write back, just unmatch. Don't let the message just sit unanswered. It’s rude.

2) Don't just start with "hey" or "hi" or "hello" and leave it at that. Start an actual, adult, human conversation with a greeting using my name AND a question following that up.

3) Mention something you read in our profile and piggy back on it. (And don’t ask a question that is so clearly already answered in our profile.)

4) Don’t over-emoji.

5) Don’t ask me to “send a pic" once we are chatting. It's kind of creepy. If the five on my profile aren’t enough, then I can't help you out bro.

5) If we are hitting it off via messaging or text, set up a date within three days. No one wants a pen pal. 
6) Reply to my message within 24 hours. If you don't, you are either not on the app enough to want to take dating seriously, or you aren't into me. Do me a favor and just unmatch me. 

The Date:

1) Don't ask to "hang out." We are adults. This is a dating site, so naturally, this is A DATE. Let's call a spade, a spade. Please be mature and accept that.

2) Suggest an actual day, location, and time.  

3) Confirm the morning of said date day.

4) If you're running late, let me know.

5) Pay. I know its 2017, and I am all about women's rights, but I still think dudes should pay on the first two dates. Sorry not sorry for thinking that.

5) If you like her, schedule the second date at the end of the first one.

The follow-up:

If you initiate, awesome, that means you enjoyed my company. If I initiate, there is ONE simple thing to do here: REPLY. It’s really that simple. If a girl likes you, she will text you and thank you for a great time or try and keep talking to you. If you like her, you can text her first too. Tell her you really had a fun time and ask her out again and get that second date on the calendar. If you aren’t into it, just say as much. I promise you, we won’t go crazy. We appreciate the honesty. Do not be a jerk and ghost. That’s cowardly and immature and a straight-up dickhead move. And because I am so nice and thoughtful, here are a few things you can even say:

1. I had a nice time too, but I really don’t see anything romantic between us. Best of luck.
2. I think you’re cool, but I just didn’t think we really connected.
3. Thanks again, but I really didn’t feel the same way and don’t see this progressing into anything.

So yeah, there you have it. What girls (at least myself and my friends) tend to think is super common sense may not be to the male population, at least the ones we keep coming into contact with. It may make us look too picky or too shallow or just like general assholes, but I don’t think that at all. I think it shows what quality girls (i.e us) are really looking for in quality guys. Dating isn't easy. It's hard. It's time consuming. (It's caloric.) And there's a lot of uncertainty and second-guessing. Any way to make it easier, more fun, and definitely more straight forward would be great so we're hoping that this list is mildly helpful. And if not, at least it may make other girls think, "well at least its not just me." So if you're one of those girls, don't worry, you're certainly not alone; we got your back girlfriend. Hopefully Mr. Right will come knocking (swiping right?) soon enough and be exactly what we are looking for.