My friend and I were both really busy over summer and then once school started and marathon training was in full swing, we had even less time to use our voucher. With only two weeks left until its expiration date, I decided to use my voucher and go speed dating. Alone. And sober. (I am not drinking this month because it is so close to the marathon and I don't want any alcohol in my system.) I was trying to go in as positive and open minded as possible but my head just wasn't in it so it wasn't a good time. Besides the fact that I was exhausted, felt gross (fat and zitty), and was by myself, this speed dating event was not as I expected it to be. I walked into the bar it was at and it was a small sports bar with regular patrons in the bar. There was no back room where this was going to go on. It was all going to happen out in the open. Okay, this was sure to make me feel more like a pathetic loser than I already was feeling. Now random strangers can watch me do this awkward speed dating "dance." This bothered me and then I was bothered that I even cared what others thought. Things were not going well in my head.
As most of you know I am stickler for time and this event was supposed to happen from 7-9. I walked in at 7 and there didn't seem to be too many people there for the speed dating. I sat myself at a table and started playing with my phone as most people do when they are in uncomfortable situations. By 7:10, still nothing. 7:15 nada. Ugh. I was getting irritated by the minute. And super self-conscious. Sure, it might be in my head, but I was mortified for myself. Chubby girl sitting alone at a bar waiting for a dating event. Epitome of pathetic. I saw a few guys come in and check in with the girl in the front and the guys that I saw come to the speed dating looked either old, ugly, short, or all of the above. Any of the guys who I thought were decent looking were either just there to be at that bar or I wouldn't allow myself to believe they were there for the speed dating too. And I was still the only female there. By 7:25 I decided that this just wasn't going to happen and if in the next five minutes I didn't see any normal looking people and/or we didn't start, I was going to bounce. Finally when 7:30 rolled around, I went to the check-in girl and asked her what the hold-up was and that I wanted to leave. She said she didn't know where the other women were who signed up and I was the only woman there so far. This should sound like a great thing. The odds would be in my favor but I had given up. I told her I was leaving. She apologized and tried to get me to go to another one of their events down the block, but I politely declined. I wanted to just go home. And cry. And so I did. I cried on and off the rest of the night.
I cried because I felt pathetic and lonely. Will I ever meet someone? I'm starting to think it's not in the cards for me and I should just accept that I am going to be single forever. I cried because I was mortified with the situation. Me sitting in a bar alone waiting for a dating event to begin. Even if I met someone there, I would be embarrassed to even tell people how we met. I cried because I felt like a quitter. Like I should have just sucked it up and stayed regardless. I was disappointed with myself because I am most certainly not a quitter but acted like one here. Did I just jinx myself by leaving this opportunity? I cried because I am no better than anyone else there but I felt like I was acting like I was. Everyone there was there for the same reason. We had a little hope. But when I left, I had also left that behind. And this made me sad. But my head just wasn't in it that night. I went because I didn't want to waste the the money I spent on the Living Social and this was the only fitting time to do this before the expiration date. This just shouldn't have been reason for going because I wasn't giving it a fighting chance. At this moment in my life, finding a man is not my top priority. Finishing 26.2 miles on Nov 4 with a decent time is my main focus for the time being. After that, I am going to refocus on being social and maybe meeting a good guy. Because clearly (sarcasm coming) I was so successful with it before my training.
I was hoping my speed dating blog would be about all my hilarious observations of the guys I met at the event. You know... Mr. Bad-Breath. Mr. I-am-clearly-a-homosexual. Mr. I-Went-to-Harvard-so-be-impressed-with-me. Mr. Nerd-Alert. But it wasn't. It was about poor pathetic me and a night I soon want to forget. Bad nights happen and I know this. I also know that I shouldn't have gone if I wasn't feeling confident and excited. I tried to get in that positive mindset but the negativity won over as it sometimes does. I got my tears out for the time being that night (and the next morning rehashing to a work friend) so that was at least a little cathartic. I did also get an apology email from the speed dating company about the low turnout and they gave me a free voucher for a future speed dating event. After the marathon, when my self-image is in a better place (hopefully), I will give this another go. I promise. I will try to get over my mortification if possible. And if not, if I do meet someone, we can make up a funny story how we met. And if not, I better meet some really nerdy/creepy/douchey dude who will make great future blog fodder.
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