A Bitter Race

***I initially wrote this post (below) before Superstorm Sandy hit as I wanted to post it right before the marathon as a final motivator for myself. However, with all that has occurred in the past few days with the devastation of Sandy, my mindset has changed a bit about this race. 

City officials had to make the very controversial choice of whether or not the marathon would go on as planned. And after much thought and consideration, they have decided it will indeed go on. What was once one of the premiere events in the city has now become quite bitter. How can I still be excited about this race? With all the destruction in to our neighbors in Staten Island, Breezy Point, Hoboken, Seaside, Long Beach, and so many other nearby areas, I was unsure whether I thought it was right or wrong for the marathon to go on as planned and I am glad it was not my decision to make.  I know this was not an easy decision to make as there were a lot of pros and cons to be weighed and I can see both sides. I mean, why should the city have police and fire officials manning the race course when they could be out helping those still in so much need? Why should we be drinking all this clean water and be tracked electronically while so many are still without food, water, and power? How are people going to get into NYC with so many flights cancelled? How will people get to and from the race without public transportation still not totally up and running? But then you you see the other side as well. This event brings lots of revenue to the city in a time it so badly needs it at the moment. (And that's not counting the charities that certain runners choose to raise money and run for.) This is an event that will help bring a little cheer and healing to the city and bring us together in our time of sorrow. And of course, the smallest point to be made, this is something thousands have trained for and sacrificed the last 3-5 months for.  And if the city said its a go, I am going to run. I will run with a heavy heart, but I will run. I know some people will disagree with me but it is a personal decision I have made.

Over the last two days, I have shed so many tears. Watching the news coverage over and over again is just so heart-wrenching. There is so much devastation and I sit there and cry of sadness for these people. And then I cry tears of guilt for myself.  I just feel so guilty about actually kind of wanting to still run this race while so many are suffering. I mean in the grand scheme of things, who cares if I spent the last four months training? I kind of do. It's very selfish and I know this. I have been through a lot this year healthwise, and to me, this race is a testament to all I have overcome, mentally and physically, so I can't help but have it be very personal. I hate that I feel this way as it is racking me with guilt, but I can't help it.

This marathon is not going to be the same race as it was just four days ago. It can't be. With so much loss and devastation, it's impossible. I also don't think by this race going on as planned that people are trying to ignore Sandy's horrific effects, they are just trying to bring something positive to a city that desperately needs it. Things won't be back to normal for a while now in NYC but if this race is one little piece of getting the city back on its feet and feeling a sense of normalcy, then I am happy to be a part of it. Everyone keeps talking about the strength and resilience of New Yorkers and hopefully having this race go on will show through and give a little hope to those that need it the most. 

Original Post: IT WILL BE WORTH IT
Originally written Fri 10/26/12

I have said it once and I will say it again: Running a marathon is a big fucking deal. I had a conversation last week with one of my friends who is also running the marathon about how it has affected our lives so much lately. In fact, it has not just affected our lives, it has taken over our lives. Especially in the last month or so. We both discussed how our lives have been so one-dimensional lately with the main focus being running. We joke all we do is work, eat, run, and sleep. But it's not so funny. We are tired and hungry all the time and have constant anxiety about this race.

The ING NYC Marathon this Sunday, November 4 is the big culmination of a four-and-a-half month training period. One that I was super rigid about and let "run" (get it? get it?) my life for the most part. Even though I didn't officially decide if I was doing the marathon until I ran my 20-miler, I always kind of knew deep down I was going to do this thing. When its finally over and I cross that finish line with my hands triumphantly in the air, I can take a big sigh of relief. That is if I get a good time. If not, there is going to be a whole new set of emotional issues headed my way. But if I have a great race and an acceptable time in my opinion, none of the stress will matter anymore because it will all be worth it. All of it.

*It will be worth the 18 weeks of planning and rigidity.

*It will be worth double checking any plans I make with my training schedule.

*It will be worth the turning down of parties, happy hours, dates, and get-togethers for early morning runs. 

*It will be worth the nights I went to sleep at 8:30 (or earlier) because I was so tired from running, work, and coaching.

*It will be worth all the mornings awake to run before the sun came up.

*It will be worth (maybe) all the weight I gained throughout this training period.

*It will be worth all the money spent on gels, sport jellybeans, and Powerade.

*It will be worth all the time icing and elevating and waiting for that Tylenol PM to kick in.

*It will be worth all the scabs and now scars I have from the chafing.

*It will be worth all the blisters and fallen off toenails.

*It will be worth all the hours and hours (and hours!) I spent alone running along the West Side Highway and in Central Park.

*It will be worth all the tears I have shed so far. And it's been a ridiculous amount.

It will ALL be worth it. All my hard work will be worth it. I know this. I do. I have done too much for it not to be. My body finally cooperated with me for an extended period of time this year and I know it WILL be worth it. Bring it 26.2! I am going to dominate you and I can't wait.