I am lucky...

As I write this post, I lay in bed unbelievably sore and tired but also very happy and relieved. I finally ran my sixth marathon and I have been waiting for this moment the past 19 weeks (well really 78 weeks if you count my start of training last year before I broke my foot AND had a flare-up). It has been a huge physical, mental, and emotional struggle for me the past 4.5 months, so to have finally accomplished this, I am happy. I have made no secret of the health issues I have had this year and how they have made me feel and how they have affected my life. (I have also made no secret of the anxiety I have felt training for this marathon because of those issues.) So before I begin this post, let's take a minute to take a trip down memory lane to review my major health issues the past 14 months....
-Beginning of Sept 2011: Broken foot, get put in a boot for 5 weeks
-Sept 2011: Colitis Flare-up #1 followed by a C. diff infection in my intestines
-Mid Nov 2011: Stress Fracture/Tendinitis in different part of foot (Boot back on for 1.5 weeks)
-Feb 2012: Colitis Flare-up #2
-March 2012: Colitis Flare-up #3 (along with Pancreatitis) which resulted in a 3-day Hospitalization
-End of May 2012: Colitis Flare-up #4
-End of June 2012: First Remicade Treatment (hallelujah)

The moments where I was feeling 100% in the last year or so have been few and far between and I am happy to report that since starting Remicade and getting all my treatments, my stomach has cooperated. (My foot hurts just about everyday but I blame myself for not doing physical therapy and not being good at not exercising.) With everything in place, I was able to successfully train for the 2012 New York City Marathon set to be run on Sunday November 4, 2012. However, some nasty bitch named Sandy came to NYC and much of its tri-state area on Oct 29 and ruined everything. While the hurricane was hitting, no one knew how bad it would be. While stuck inside I decided to google other marathons that were happening in November just in case the NYC one was cancelled. I just had a feeling it may not go on but I really didn't think I would actually need to find another one. Once the storm finally was over, there was tremendous damage and loss. Sandy took away so many lives, even more homes, and did mass amounts of destruction. Throughout all of this, marathon officials and the mayor still said it was still on. As of Friday at 1:00 he still confirmed the marathon was happening. However with mounting pressure and very mixed feelings (and LOTS of tears), mostly negative ones, around 4:30 the mayor finally announced the NYC Marathon was cancelled. I am not going to lie, I was upset. I cried hysterically. However, I still believe cancelling the marathon was in fact the right decision, albeit one that should have been made two days earlier. I was upset at Sandy. I was upset with the mayor for his poor timing. I was just upset. After working my ass off for the past 4.5 months, and days of "will it happen or won't it happen?", the marathon was cancelled. In the grand scheme of everything that had happened over the past few days, a marathon was trivial, but it still had importance to me. After being hospitalized just months ago and being the sickest I have ever been in my life, for my body (and my mind) to be able to get where it was with this marathon was important to me and I had something to prove to myself.

My mom had landed in NYC literally three minutes after the cancellation announcement was made because she had come to cheer me on in the marathon. Isn't she the best? Had we known it was cancelled we would have rescheduled her trip. But she was here and tried to be all supportive and loving (as moms are) but I was in a very foul/sad mood. I was not very nice. We tried to make the best of a bad situation but I just wasn't myself. That was until Saturday, when I signed up for another marathon in the following Sunday in Harrisburg, PA. (This marathon wasn't even one I saw on my google search the week before.) Things were starting to look up. I wouldn't waste all my hard work after all. But I would have to be a giant ball of anxiety and stress and paranoia about getting sick and/tired for one more week. And now my mom and I can enjoy our time together without me being a total raging, crying bitch. And I would get another chance to run a marathon. I just wish I had found out about this before I ran 13 miles last Saturday, but hey, what can you do?

The week went by pretty fast and I really wasn't that stressed because it really hadn't hit me I was actually running another marathon. Even though I stalked the Harrisburg Marathon's FB page everyday, I was relatively calm throughout the week. It was way different than the week before NYC. And it was still kind of strange right up until midway through the race. I didn't feel like it was a marathon because of its unfamiliarity. Different state. Different route. No friends and mom along the sideline. It wasn't what I had planned, but it was something.

My friends and I drove to Harrisburg, laid around our hotel room, met up with some other friends for dinner, and then went to sleep. During all these activities, I still didn't feel like I was going to be running a marathon. And then when the alarm went off Sunday morning, we knew this was not just a regular race. This was a marathon. 26.2 miles. A race, that just over a week ago, we weren't sure we were going to be able to run. This was it. Would all my training pay off? What was I made of? Would this be the race I had hoped NYC would be? Would I finally feel a sense of relief when this was done? The starting gun went off and I started to run. And I ran. And I ran.

So yeah, this hill was at the last quarter mile. Not easy.

What was supposed to be a very flat course was anything but. I struggled up the many hills. The hills that hit around mile 18 and continued until about mile 20 or so. And then the monster at the last quarter mile. I had to walk all those hills. I have NEVER walked in a marathon before (besides when I drink water) so this was a bit of a blow to my ego, but at this point I was walking faster than I was running. Not a single person was running up the hills in my pace group. No one. That made me feel a bit better. When the hills were over, I started running my normal pace again. Then the cramping started. I had to stop and stretch. Again, something I have never had to do before in a marathon. These two things were reminders that my body is not the same one it was the last time I ran a marathon. But I knew I had to finish. Had to. Quitting never even entered my mind. I had images of my legs cramping so bad I would crawl across the finish line. And I was okay with that, as long as I finished. But luckily that didn't happen. And 3 minutes and 49 seconds slower than I wanted to, I crossed the finish line. I did it. And I cried. Obviously. Do you not know me by now? Of course I cried. Although I did not PR (personal record), I raced a good race. I was so proud of myself. It was my second fastest time and I was okay with it. But then of course I kept thinking "What if I didn't walk on those hills" and "What if my quads didn't cramp?" and "What if there had been people cheering me on the entire way like in New York" and "What if there was water and Gatorade every mile like in NYC and like I trained?" and "What if I didn't have this extra taper week?" all the other what-ifs, including the big one "If I did run NYC, would I have PR'd?" Yes, I do think if I ran NYC I would have PR'ed, but that wasn't an option and I have to stop thinking as if it was. I was lucky enough to run this race and run it well considering everything that has happened over the past 14 months. In fact, I am lucky that my body has cooperated this long. (Thank you Remicade!) I am lucky I didn't let all my health issues get me down for too long. And I am lucky I have such loving family and friends continually supporting me along this journey. The past year has not been easy, but I am the healthiest I have been in that span and I have accomplished something many people will never even attempt. And for that, I cannot complain. So here's to my health (and everyone else's!) and here's to marathon #6! (And its never too early to start thinking about #7. NYC 2013 I have my eye on you.)