Times Have Certainly Changed..

I have been teaching now for ten years. Many of my freshman students this year were born in 1999 or 2000. I was a senior in high school myself when they were born. (If I had made some unwise decisions that year, these could literally be my children.) They are so young. Or wait, perhaps I am so old. Ugh. But regardless, I forget how much times have changed since I was in high school. My students are definitely living in a very different high school world than I lived in.

The other day in class I mentioned dial-up internet to them and no one had a clue exactly what that even meant. I had to go on to explain to them what it was and how it worked. They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language and couldn't even imagine what I was talking about. They don't realize how good they have it now with wi-fi and smartphones and iPods and everything else that goes along with it.

IG So Me.

Insta. IG. The Gram. Whatever you might call it, Instagram is the shit. I love it. I mean, who doesn't? I'm not gonna lie, when it first came out, I totally didn't get it. I was like "What's the point of just posting a picture?" It just didn't make sense to me. But now, I get it. I totally get it. And I really, really like it. I like posting my own pics. And I like looking at other people's pics.

I don't follow a ridiculous amount of people on Instagram. I follow a bunch of friends, some random Chicago and NYC scenery and food accounts, some workout and inspirational accounts, and then some humor accounts. (Surprisingly enough I follow very few celebrities. And of those, not surprisingly enough most of them are either reality stars of athletes. The reason I don't follow many celebrities is that many of them post waaaay too often and its them posting selflies and/or advertising some product they clearly don't use but are being paid to pretend to use. (For the record I totally hate-follow Kim Kardashian. She's sucks. I cringe at everything she posts, but won't unfollow her.  I realize I am the problem with our shameful society and one of the reasons she is the most followed celeb on Instagram, but I am not at the point of unfollow yet. And I stress yet. Ugh, she's seriously the worst.)

Hooked

I've been watching the new show on MTV called Catfish: The TV Show. It's a television show based off the 2010 documentary by the same name. I had never seen the documentary but had heard about it and the topic was interesting.  In the movie, the main character, Nev, began an online relationship with a female and the film crew followed him as he discovered who she really was. (And it was not who she had perceived herself to be.) She was indeed a "catfish," which Wikipedia defines as "a person who creates fake profiles online and pretends to be someone they are not by using someone else's pictures and information."

The premise of the show is very similar in topic and shooting style. Each week, the one hour TV-show follows someone who has an online relationship with another person, usually for an extensive period of time, but has never met the person. It's the job of Nev and his friend Max, to uncover what the real deal is. Spoiler: The person is rarely, if ever, who they really say they are.

Waiving those Red Flags

When you start dating someone, you are happy, giddy, and excited. You finally met someone you are interested in and may want them to become your official significant other. When you guys are together the first few times, you are the best "you" you can be, all while being yourself. You assume the same about him as well. You two want to get to know each other and show each other why you are so great and should be with each other. During this initial courting/dating period though, sometimes us ladies might ignore the "red flags" that guys might be throwing. These are things you notice in other people all the time, but the blinders might come on when you actually like someone.

It's good to be open-minded when you are first dating someone because you don't want to dismiss them for one little thing. But if that one little thing that is annoying/rude/irritating keeps happening, can you ignore it? If he does a bunch of different annoying/rude/irritating things that all keep adding up, can you just forget about them because you like him so much? I don't think so.  How many red flags are too many?

Screw the Rules

One of the many shows that I watch is Bravo's Miss Advised. If you haven't seen or heard of this show, its about three women, who are "dating experts" yet are all single. They all give advice to other women all over the country from their respective roles (author, matchmaker, sex expert), yet don't seem to follow their own advice when it comes to guys and dating. So that's the role I am going to play today. I am the single 30-year-old woman giving dating advice. You know, because I am such a pro at landing a man. Work with me here.

Even though its 2012, there still seems to be these "rules" out there that both guys and girls think exist and have to be followed to gain a significant other. Well, guess what? They don't. If you like someone, freaking call them. If you have sex with someone on the first date, you are not a whore or a slut. Do what feels right. I mean, really, if you know who you are and what you want, then do what you need to do. Screw the rules.

How Rude!

I recently read an article online about how forgetting someone's name can be "sublty disrespectful, and by subtly, we mean with a blatant disregard for giving a shit about other people’s feelings." This pretty much sums up the situation. And as someone who has been on both ends of this situation and some others, its pretty annoying. Whether or not the person is doing it intentionally or unintentionally, it can be super insulting. In the words of Stephanie Tanner "How rude!" But seriously, there are some things that people can do that perhaps have no intention of being rude, but really end up being so. Below are a few of these things...

1) "What's your name again?" The classic mentioned above and in the article I mentioned. This is something I rarely will ask someone even though I forget their name. I have too much pride to ask them again if I have already asked once. It shows them I totally didn't listen and/or care the first time they told me. When I first meet someone at a party or a bar and assume I will never speak to or see them again, I really make little effort to remember their name. Bad habit, I know. And the fact that I am usually heavily drinking compounds this problem. However, as the night progresses and we do begin to chat, I will feel embarrassed I don't remember their name so will have a friend find out or introduce themselves so I don't look like the asshole. It's even worse if you are speaking to this person and they are like "hey, do you even remember my name?" and you have no idea. Um yes, this has happened to me. And then I will take a guess or two and maybe be lucky, but usually come off looking like a dick.

"The subtext of this text is booty"

As defined by urbandictionary.com, a booty call is "a phone call, page, or conversation aimed at getting into your pants.  Not an invite to a movie or dinner, not just coffee, not a casual or formal get-together, just a plain old-fashioned 'let's fuck.'' This day in age, a booty call is more like a booty text, but lets not get into semantics here. I mean, really, who even has a pager anymore?

I would like to add to their definition and also define a booty call not as the actual call itself, but the person you are calling. That person becomes your booty call. 

So do you have a booty call? Or more than one booty call? (Or are you someone else's booty call?)  There are just so many questions! What are your booty call rules? If you even have any rules?

OMG...Delete. Delete. Delete.

Over the years there has obviously been an increase in technology. So much stuff that I am thankful wasn't around when I was in high school and college because lord knows how much trouble I could have gotten myself into with my stupidity and tendency to rush, especially when drunk. Now with the advent of having smartphones and having the internet literally right at your fingertips every waking moment, there is always the opportunity to embarrass and/or make an ass of yourself. You know those moments when you want to reach out into cyberspace and take back what you just sent? I have experienced this more than I'd like to admit, but its a good thing I am not easily embarrassed.  Below are some funny experiences I or a friend have had using our phones where we literally wanted to scream because of mortification that we just caused ourselves by rushing, not thinking, and pressing send way too fast. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

1. Texting the wrong person. This isn't a huge deal and has probably happened to quite a few people. Multiple times. I have done it tons of times, usually over stupid things. However, when you are texting a friend about someone else and accidentally text that "someone else," this becomes a problem.  A short time ago, I had gone out with some friends and drank a little too much. Okay, a lot too much. I ended up making out with two different guys that night (be real proud mom. Ha!). My second make-out of the evening texted me in the morning to ask how I was feeling. He also must have noticed that I had been pretty drunk when we parted. I honestly didn't expect to, or care to hear from him again, but was nonetheless surprised to hear from him the very next day. Apparently I made quite the first impression, natch. Later that day, I went on to text one of my friends who was out with me the night before. At least I thought that was who I was texting when I nonchalantly typed "Makeout #2 texted me this morn to see how I was feeling. Guess I was pretty out of control last night." However, after sending the text, I realized that I did not text my friend, but texted the guy. As soon as I realized this I started freaking out. After shouting an "OMG" to no one imparticular on the street, I followed it up by an "Oooops, ignore me" text to this very gentleman which was followed up by him with an "LOL." Good thing I don't plan on talking to/seeing this guy again. And good thing he took it lightly or was just too dumb to realize he was makeout number TWO. Sucka.

I have also been on the receiving end of this error with a guy I had liked a lot. I was happy to see that I was getting a text from him until I realized he was meaning to write to someone else about ME. Once I got the text I thought about not replying at all but decided to follow it up with "That obviously wasn't for me, but about me" I was met with an "Oh shit" from him and many apologies. He was obviously embarrassed and it wasn't even a bad text. Thankfully.  It was a funny story about the weekend's previous events (not suitable to discuss here since my parents read this!), so I could laugh about it as well. It was def the icing on the cake of a "did that really just happen to me?" story.

Evolution of Technology

Growing up, we had pretty limited ways to communicate with the opposite sex. It was pretty much talk to them in person or call them on the phone. Lame. This is probably the reason that people of my generation seem to have slightly better interpersonal and social skills than those born ten years later.  Although we do rely heavily on technology, part of me is very glad that Facebook and text messaging didn't exist when I was in high school and college. I fear it would have gotten me in many more embarrassing situations than it already has. As an adult, I sometimes make bad decisions using my phone while drunk, so I can't imagine what kind of damage I could have done in my wilder, more immature days. 

Back in the day when I liked a guy, I would freak out about what I was going to say on the phone if I called him.  I would totally plan it out in my head on what I would say and hope there were not awkward pauses during our conversation.  Sometimes, I would actually hope his answering machine would pick up so I could leave a message and he'd have to call back and start the conversation. You see, when I was in middle school and high school, there were no cell phones (although I did have car phone in my car in high school. Yes, I was that cool. Still am. Some things don't change.)  Back then, you'd have to actually call a boy at his house. Sometimes if he didn't have his own phone line, his parents would even answer and you'd have to be super polite when asking to talk to speak to him.  In college, myself and most of my friends got our first cell phones, but if you liked someone, you still had to actually call them on the phone. Annoying. Nerve-wracking. AIM became very big so you could IM your crush if you had their screenname. And once you had that, you could also totally creep their away messages and see what they were up to until AIM came up with that feature that showed how many times people saw your away message. Buzzkill.

I know I am totally dating myself, but at the end of senior year of college, text messaging started to become all the rage. I still remember my very first text message. My phone had this weird icon and kept beeping and I had no idea what was going on. I finally read this message but had no idea what it was and how to respond. Eventually I got the hang of it and haven't looked back since. Also senior year of college, Friendster was kind of something of a social networking tool, but we weren't totally sure what exactly, but it wasn't a big of a deal at all.  Next came MySpace which was a social networking phenomena until Facebook came on the scene and changed everything. Everything.

Nowadays if you meet a guy and like him, you can first Facebook stalk him. Obvi. Usually this is pretty easy to do but can have mixed results. Is his profile is so private that you can't get any new info? (Annoying.) Or is his wall and and all his pics available to see? (This equates to him being too dumb to update his privacy setting. Ugh.) If you like what you see or can't find anything, this is usually followed up with the text. You have to be careful here because you don't want to have just a texting relationship which can build high expectations in your head and then fizzle fast.

No one picks up the phone to make an actual call these days. And usually if they do, I am impressed.  If I actually am interested in you, I will answer your call, but more often than not, I don't, because lets be honest, if I barely want to text you, what makes you think I actually want to talk to you? But I have to admit, I sometimes wish it was "normal" to just pick up the phone and talk for a while instead of texting back and forth. And this is coming from someone who doesn't even really like talking on the phone. You can accomplish so much more getting to know someone a bit in a half hour phone convo versus a two hour texting convo.  However, some people, myself included on occasion, feel that they can be more outgoing via text or even FB messaging. You can type what you want and edit it before you press send to make sure its perfect. I get it. And I do the same thing sometimes, but I really do miss an old fashioned phone call asking me out on a date. It's still okay over text, but it lacks the intimacy of a phone call.

All of these communication technology tools have been incredible and I am sure it will only continue to improve. But as it gets better, I feel that social skills, especially involving courting and dating, will continue to get worse and I am not okay with this, especially in my singledom. Things don't need to get even harder. Even though I sometimes benefit from this technology because someone that might not have picked up the phone would not have asked me out does via text, and vice-versa, but this is probably one the big reasons relationships these days aren't as strong and last as long as they should.  I am hoping that in the future, if you really like someone, its worth just picking up the phone. Believe me, I am worth it.

Tough Love or Common Sense?

I have been accused of watching a lot of crap TV. Of course I strongly disagree with those accusations. So what if I watch a lot of Bravo, MTV, and VH1 reality shows? Sue me. One show that is back on the air that I am a fan of is VH1's "Tough Love." If you haven't seen or heard of this show before (it's on its 4th season), its premise is to take a bunch of single women and have them confront their issues and ability to hold a man with some "tough love" from professional matchmaker Steve Ward. Think I can relate to this one? You betcha.

On this show, Steve puts these women through a series of "challenges" (usually with some twists and turns), mostly involving potential suitors for the ladies, with the purpose of having them see their mistakes first hand, learn from them and eventually form a connection or more with a nice young gentleman.

One of the most recent challenges that Steve puts the women through had to do with texting. With this being the most prominent means of communication for my generation between men and women, Steve really wanted to see if these ladies would sink or swim.  He gave them the phone number of men that they were to initiate a date with. He then gave them cell phones (their "loaded weapons") to have them figure out their next date with these guys. Being the sneaky bastard that he is, Steve programmed his number in all of their phones instead of their dates to see how these women handle texting with a potential suitor. The women thought they were texting their men, but it was really Steve replying to all of them. And while doing so, judging them and dishing out his rules on "dating texting etiquette." As he was critiquing them, this made me consider my texting habits with potential suitors and/or crushes. Man, maybe TV can be educational?!

As the women began starting their text conversations, many of them were doing things that Steve considered mistakes and were jeopardizing their chances of having that man remain interested in them. As I watched, it was interesting to see what a male professional matchmaker thinks scares other men away. Do I do these things to turn off guys? Do guys text these things to me and turn me off by it? Let's see if Steve is onto something with his texting rules or if they are just plain common sense...

Rule 1: Don't Drink and Text. This is one of the biggest mistakes my friends and I tend to make. Steve says drinking and texting is a bad idea and I would have to agree. The girl in question here had one measly glass of wine while texting. One. And this upset him.  When my friends or I break this rule, its usually not after a single glass of wine and not in daylight. It is usually after a bottle of wine and a very dark sky. No wonder this usually leads to nothing but embarrassment and regret the next day.

Rule 2: Just say no to emoticons and acronyms.  I rarely, if ever, use emoticons and am not a huge fan of receiving them. I find them to be effeminate and weird when guys use them. Same thing with acronyms. I have never once written the phrase "LOL" or "LMFAO" in a text. I obviously have received them being as funny as I am. But, I mean really? What is so funny that you are rolling on the floor laughing? I am not that hilarious. Don't flatter me. A simple "haha" will do. Don't be a weirdo.

Rule 3: Be patient. Steve says write one or two questions to a guy and wait for him to reply. Don't bombard him with questions right away. Give him time to reply to each one so you can have an actual conversation (as much as one texting allows you to). Otherwise he won't know which one to answer and will get overwhelmed and/or think you are crazy and just ignore you. Send your text and wait. He will write back. 

So overall, I am pretty good with Rule #2 and Rule #3. Sometimes I lose patience waiting for a response, but I just wait it out. I will usually just freak out over it in my head instead of writing him again. It's too creepy to keep asking questions without getting a response. So just relax.

I do still need to be careful with Rule #1 (and I know I am not the only one.) We live and learn from our mistakes and as I get older, I will hopefully get wiser with my decisions. Or I could just delete the numbers that get me into trouble....Problem solved, right?

You aren't THAT important

I love my cell phone. It's the only phone I have (no land line for this gal) and it's like an extra appendage on my body. I feel naked without it. And I know I am not the only one that has this feeling about their phone. I am on constantly using my phone but rarely making actual phone calls on it unless it's my parents, grandparents, a doctor, or something too long or important to text. Additionally I pride myself in being an excellent multi-tasker with my phone and the people around me. I can walk and talk/text without slowing down my pace and even though it's kind of (ok,very) rude, I can talk to one friend in person and text another if need be. I understand we are all busy people with busy lives, but there are a few bad cell phone habits that absolutely drive me INSANE.

 1) Talking on your phone at the gym. When I am working out, it's my escape. A time to release the stress or extra energy I have and just listen to music and do my thang. When I go to the gym, my phone stays in my locker. And even though I work out with head phones on, there is nothing more annoying to me at the gym than seeing someone near me on the treadmill/elliptical/bike yapping away on their cell phones. They are usually talking really loud and even with my headphones on, I can usually hear them. It takes me out of focus of MY workout and I just want to push them off their machines. I visualize myself doing that and it makes me feel better for a second, but usually I just shoot them dirty looks or just move machines. Passive aggressiveness, party of one. 

2) Talking on your phone on public transportation. I am grateful that cellphones don't work on the subway unless they are obviously above ground so this usually is a non-issue on the train. But on the bus, this can sometimes be quite obnoxious. The buses can be more crowded than the train and no one wants to hear your conversation about that chick you banged last night or how your nanny can't work Tuesday so you can get a mani/pedi/massage. Boo-freaking-hoo. I don't care. Neither do the other 40 people packed on here. Wait until you get off the bus with that shit. Thanks so much!

3) Having a filled voicemail inbox. I am sorry, but no one is so important that they have that many voicemails. No one. Check them while walking down the street, while waiting for the bus, heck, even check them on the toilet. I am hoping you aren't talking while pooping (even though I do it all the time!), but that is a wonderful time to listen and delete those VM's. Ooohhh, get rid of those VM's while you BM. Hahahaha. I am just too funny. But seriously, clear that inbox. It's super aggravating and I don't want to call you again later.

Honorable mentions: People who can't multi-task while on the phone (They slow their pace while walking and texting/talking/searching the web. If you can't keep up, wait to do what you need to or pull over) and people who initiate a text, you reply with a question, and then they disappear. Weren't you the one who just texted me? It wasn't the other way around so where did you go?

If we are friends, I would hope that you do not exhibit any of these bad habits. They are annoying. In a world where cell phones have become a part of us, and something that we rely on, we must remember that they don't belong everywhere and its good to take a break once and a while.  But don't take too long of a break that your VM fills up!

Wtf asshole?

So girl meets boy and they seem to like each other.  They may even go out a few times.  They  really seem to be into each other and then all of a sudden...nothing. He apparently fell off the face of the earth. Sounds pretty familiar right? Sounds pretty irritating, right? Same story over and over.  Talking to my friends, I hear stuff like this all the time. It sucks. Why do guys do that? Like myself, many of my friends are wonderful catches and any guy who doesn't see that is obviously a giant-disgusting-idiot-loser. But we still liked him. A lot. Ugh. His loss.

In the many convos I have had with my friends lately, the same two super annoying boy bad habits keep coming up and I want to address them briefly. The "I", "my", etc...in this story isn't necessarily me, but represents a situation I have either been in or a friend (or two, three, four, etc...) have been in.

Annoying boy habit #1. We meet and talk in the bar, have good convo and you ask for my number...but you never call. Wtf asshole?
So, we are having decent, if not good conversation. Dare I say it, we might be hitting it off. You are even buying my beers which is always a good gesture and greatly appreciated. However, as the night begins to end and we are both leaving, you ask for my number. Score. In typical excited-girl fashion, I immediately start planning ahead. What will I wear on our first date? Where will you take me? Will we make-out that night or is that slutty? Then two or three days later, I get into typical disappointed-girl fashion. Why isn't my phone ringing? Does it even work? Maybe he went out of town? Crap.  A week later, you still haven't called (and by call, I usually mean text). Why would you ask for my number and then not call? This is what I don't get.

Here's the thing dude: If you didn't ask for my number, I would NOT have cared. I would have thought it was a fun night and been on my merry little way. But you did ask for my number, so why didn't you use it? Advice for any guy reading this: If you aren't planning to call a girl, don't bother asking for her digits. You are in NO OBLIGATION to ask for it. She won't care if you don't ask. No skin off her back. But if you do ask, she will expect you to call. Got it? Good.

Annoying boy habit #2. We hang out and even hook up a few times. We communicate almost entirely via text. Then all of a sudden you don't reply to texts. At all. You just ignore me. Wtf asshole?
We have been hanging out a few times, even if it is after the bars at 3 in the morning, its still time together. And we still have fun. It has been discussed that we are not going to date, because you obviously have terrible taste (i.e. you don't like me). Then one night, I text you as per usual and you don't respond. In the words of Stephanie Tanner "How Rude!" I mean, did I do something wrong last time? Are you asleep? Are you with another girl? Do you never want to see me again? I don't really care what the issue is, but return my text! It's common courtesy to reply. Plain and simple.  So why don't you bother writing back? Do you think you will be leading me on? Are you trying to be a dick on purpose? Are you trying to give me a hint that you no longer want my company?

So here it is gentleman: an easy "Oh hey, I fell asleep early, sorry" will suffice as a response. Or a "I am with the guys" is also okay even if you aren't. Lie to me. I don't care, I just need something written back. I'll even take a "I am currently about to sleep with a hottie that is not you" because at least its a response.  It's something confirming my existence.  You can even take the mature route and tell me you are uninterested in me and I need to leave you alone. Some people may think that him not writing back is basically saying that. However, as females, we need guys to actually SAY IT to really believe it. But writing nothing is NOT OKAY. Its unacceptable, yet I keep coming back for more. Who is the jerk now? Is it me to keep texting you even though I know you won't respond or is it you for blatantly ignoring me? I am going to go with you, but I just can't resist torturing myself.  All I am asking for is a response and I will leave you alone. Maybe. Until next weekend. Kidding.