That one time...

A friend sent me this picture the other day and I literally laughed out loud. You see, I had a very similar experience the first (and only...and last) time I had a pot brownie. Never again. NEVER.

I can look back and laugh at it now but when I had my first pot brownie and tweaked the fuck out, I was terrified. And paranoid. And insane. I actually can't believe I have never written about my experience before because although I was slightly embarrassed by my reaction to it, it was just so beyond ridiculous that I still can't believe it happened.

So here's the story of that one time I had a pot brownie...

My Scoop on Poop

When I was in college, one of my guy friends insisted that girls didn’t poop. He truly believed that when girls went to the bathroom, they released little pink pellets. I mean, this was a 20-year old guy who still refused to believe that us females don’t go to the bathroom and take a giant dump. Apparently his mother never read “Everybody Poops” to him as a child because man, did this kid need a wake-up. Or she read it to him and he was traumatized from that point on. Whatever the case may be, this kid needed a reality check. And so do so many other guys. It may not be  that ridiculous of a point as the pink pellet kid, but I don’t know why there is such a double standard between guys and girls regarding burping, farting and pooping. It’s hilarious when they do it or talk about it, but gross when we do. Not okay.

I don’t know what it is about some guys, but they absolutely refuse to believe that girls poop, fart, or burp and some even try to make us feel bad about it. Well guess what gentleman? Surprise, surprise, us girls are just like you! We go number two. We let ‘em rip. And we belch. And I am not going to ever pretend that I don’t do these things or apologize for doing them. They are part of nature and I for one, am not embarrassed by them. I poop. I fart. And man-oh-man do I burp. But why are some people so weird about this stuff? I really have no idea. We all do it. Spend a few hours with me and I am sure the topic of poop will come up, I I will most def impress the hell out of you with one of my monster burps, and I may even crop dust as we walk down the street. (Don’t worry guys, there’s plenty of me to go around, so don’t all line up at once to request a day to hang.)

What NOT to do on the Subway

I wrote about subway etiquette about two years ago on this blog and its a topic of conversation often between myself and my friends. Because we ride the subway so frequently we see lot of very rude and inconsiderate people doing ridiculous (and sometimes very gross things.) This past weekend, I saw something on the train that I have thankfully never seen before, but was horrifying. Of course I felt the need to write about it. It's also posted on Jones and B. Enjoy!

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I’ve lived in New York for nine years now and have seen my fair share of weird and gross things happening on the subway. I’ve seen someone walk in, take a piss, and walk out. I’ve seen a child lick a subway pole up and down. I’ve seen someone light up a joint. I've seen someone projectile vomit. You get it, I've seen some nasty stuff. However, my ride Friday night on the uptown 6 train had to take the cake of the most horrifying subway sight I’ve seen. My family was in town and we were heading back home from dinner downtown. We all got on the train at Bleecker Street and then around 33^rd street, a guy got on the train on his motor scooter. He appeared to be homeless based on his clothing and apparent lack of personal hygiene. He then covered his lap and his arms with his jacket and his right arm began pumping. Yup, this dude started jacking off on his scooter while on the train. My dad and I looked at each other with wide shocked eyes. No words needed to be exchanged. We simply couldn’t believe what we were witnessing. We looked around to see if anyone else was seeing what we thought we were seeing, and based on some of the other people’s facial expressions they most certainly were. This guy was clearly masturbating. Holy shit. It was like a solar eclipse in the sense where you shouldn’t stare, but you can’t look away. Besides my dad and I, there seemed to be about another ten or so other people that knew exactly what was going on and we were all exchanging glances and mouthing words to each other. Was this for real? Um, yes. Yes, it was.

I'll keep it to myself

There are a lot of things that cross my crazy mind day in and day out. Most of them I either keep to myself because they are beyond ridiculous and silly, while others are plain mean. I can't help it that these things come across my brain. (Most of these things seem to occur to me while on the train. Shocking, right?) I don't want to hurt someone's feelings or get jacked in the face if I say these things out loud so I keep my mouth shut. I would never think of saying them directly to the person. My judgemental tendencies can often be a little embarrassing so I just refrain from speaking. I am not proud of it, but it happens.

While I am a very open book a majority of the time either with my words (or my facial expressions), I do have a filter and know what is and is not appropriate to say. Most of the time. Somethings are just better left unsaid. So with that actually being said, here are some things that people (hopefully not just me) think but don't say out loud...

1. Invest in some Spanx. There are many woman that wear unflattering clothes for their body type. And it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Their clothes might be too tight or just not fit well because of bulges or other imperfections which are all totally normal. We are human and don't all have the body of Victoria Secret models, but we can damn well still look good in a tight dress if we want to. One way to solve part of this problem is for the woman to get some Spanx.  Spanx are magic. Invest in some. They will suck you in where you need to be sucked in and even you out and make you look a few pounds thinner. Trust me, I own quite a few pairs. 

Muff was the "Tip" of the iceberg...Hehe

After writing the post "It's almost Muff season...Hehe" a few weeks ago, I was even more immature than usual whenever I heard the words shaft, box, nuts, balls, muffs, and wood. I would even try to incorporate them more into conversations to see how others would react. I love a good challenge. Then two weeks ago at a team meeting at work, someone was giving a science example about a beaver. I just about lost it. She said beaver, looked at me because I am the science teacher, and I tried to fight the smile, then the giggle, then the full out laughter, but I just couldn't. I had to put my head down and silently laugh to myself. Hard (Oooh, another suspicious word.) One other person locked eyes with me and laughed too and everyone else just kind of sat there. They didn't get it. Amateurs. She said beaver. Beaver. Like a vagina. Hahahahaha. I mean, c'mon folks. Hilarious stuff right there. Ummmm, okay, maybe not, but funny to me and my immature self. This of course got me thinking about other regular words that didn't occur to me the first time around that sometimes tend to make me giggle so I decided I would make yet another list of these double entendre words that crack me up time and time again.

1) Beaver. Already explained. It's not a word that comes up that often, but when it does, its pretty damn funny. It also makes me think of this scene in Naked Gun.

TLC continues to make me think

TLC has done it again to me! It has created a TV show that has generated a fascination and caused me to have so many questions. Although TLC has recently been criticized for their programming choices (Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo and Breaking Amish), I must say that I have enjoyed them and actually learned many new things.

This post is a little past due because the TV show that I am going to discuss, Abby and Brittany, ended its first season a few weeks ago. I am unsure if a second season was picked up but it was recently brought up on another show I watch so it brought it to the forefront of my mind again. Last Monday on CBS's Two Broke Girls, the two main characters, Max and Caroline, were lying in bed together (as good friends do,) looking at a computer and Max joked "Seriously, I don't know how Abby and Brittany do it, because I'm uncomfortable with you even sitting this close to me." I laughed out loud. This is actually rare for me when watching TV. Then I thought, geez, there are probably so many people out there that didn't even get this joke because they don't watch all the garbage on TV that I do. They didn't watch TLC's Abby And Brittany about conjoined twins. See... all the hours of my TV viewing is paying off. I got a joke a lot of people probably didn't get on show a lot of people don't even watch. Pat on the back to me.

It's almost muff season...Hehe

Mixed Nuts. Hehehe

I consider myself to have a pretty great sense of humor. It can be dry at times and sarcastic at others. It can be straight up offensive most of the time, and also immature on occasion. Today I am going to focus on the immature. Why? Because it makes me giggle. And sometimes a good ole chuckle can make your day.

There are certain regular words that whenever I hear them, I can't help but turn into a ten-year-old boy.  A grin will comes across my face and I try to contain my giggle. (The fact that I work with teenagers all day makes me more aware of this too since I cannot laugh in front of them with these words so I hold it all in.) These are words that have more than one meaning, and the second meaning is usually completely inappropriate. And since my mind is in the gutter most of the time, I almost always think of that second definition. I can't help it. And its even more funny if I am with good company with an equally great sense of humor and we just repeat it and all get a good laugh.

The Virgins are back!

Okay, so TLC's Virgin Diaries is back! Are you as excited as I am? The last time it was on, I was horrified and entertained all at the same time. And I kind of felt dirty afterwards. And then, as quick as it arrived, it was gone. TLC only aired one-episode even though it received a lot of press about that one episode (including a hilarious blog post by moi); mainly because of "The Kiss." Ugh. Ick. Hopefully though, this time around it's not a one-time deal. Such a tease TLC. Don't play me like that this time.

This week's episode features three virgins, one guy and two girls. The girls, 29 and 32 years old, were both cute and pretty normal seeming. One was saving herself for marriage (understandable) and the other was just looking for the right guy to do it with for her first time (she succeeded). There wasn't much to say about the girls because they did seem pretty normal and just happened to be virgins at an older age which isn't a huge deal, but the guy, on the other hand, was odd to say the least.

So this is Skippy...

Skippy, the 33-years-old male Mormon who still lives in his parent's basement was our weirdo this episode. Virgin or no virgin, this guy was bizarre. There are two things that Skippy wants us to know off the bat about himself: 1) He collects T-shirts with his name and 2) He collects his own belly button lint. In a jar. Did you just throw up in your mouth for a second reading that? Because when I watched it, I definitely did. GROSS!! (This isn't even a joke. I couldn't make that up if I tried.)

The Heat (and Sweat) is On

I was in New York last week and it was freaking hot. That was until I landed in Chicago on Sunday and realized that it's fucking hot here. Not just regular hot. It's Fucking hot. I mean, it's just plain oppressive heat. Totally brutal. Heat indices in the hundreds every day for the last five days and about a day or two more of this. In weather like this all you can do is stay inside in the AC or submerge yourself in a pool. There really is no other option. Even the beach isn't that fun on days this hot because the sand is en fuego.

I hate weather like this and I don't think I am alone in this. Being hot, sticky, and sweaty is just so uncomfortable. (And not that attractive I might add.) And for someone who sweats as much as I do, it sucks. I walk outside and immediately I can feel the film of perspiration begin to form all over. I am glad my body's cool down system is working well, but sometimes (pretty much always!) its not a good look. I sweat through dresses (well, basically any clothing), my hair is more out of control and frizzy than usual, and the chafing that soon follows is unwelcome and awful. Ugh. This heat is the worst. Thanks Global Warming.

Spreading the Gift of Poop

I have not denied my love for all things poop and farts (and also burps). They are all hilarious. Remember, everyone poops so you should never be shy about your bowels. You should know your audience, but you don't have to be shy about it. I know my audience pretty well and am grateful that many of my close friends are just as open about their bowels as I am. We talk about the frequency, the consistency and even the smell. Yes, we are very classy ladies! But once again, we know our audience and who we can and cannot discuss this stuff around. 

Because of all my GI issues (Hello again UC), much of this has become almost a running joke as to how open I can be. In fact, my friends and family will see things relating to poop and farts and often call or email me about it. Or even if they see something they know I would appreciate, they might buy it for me. I love a good gag gift. And if the gift is useful, that's even better. Three poop/fart related things I have received as gifts are below are are pretty awesome. They clearly show how much the people close to me know me so well.

1) Poo-Pourri. This gift actually came from one of my mom's closest friends. She knew I had been very ill and having more UC problems. She is super thoughtful and always buying gifts for people here and there. She saw this at a store and purchased one for my mom and one for me. It's a spray that you are supposed to spray in the toilet BEFORE you poop to eliminate the smell. Pretty genius idea. And also pretty clutch if you are pooping away from home. Things can get dicey when you don't have the home court advantage so having this (and even some matches) can help. I have yet to take it with me anywhere, basically because I forget, but I should give it a go elsewhere. I have tried it at home and it works decently. I mean, it definitely is better than nothing. It smells pretty nice and as the container says "Spritz in the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know."

"One for All, All for Poop"

Pooping is something very personal. Usually people like to poop with a home-court advantage. That is, in the privacy of their own home. However, things don't always work out that way and you have to poop in a public place. Whether its just a regular poop or explosive diarrhea (I have been in both situations many-a-times), you are still very self-conscious that there are other people in the bathroom. And guess what, they might be pooping too (or not). To quote a fantastic article I read from Thought Catalog, "Go for it. Poop your heart out. Poop like there’s no tomorrow. Poop like nobody’s watching. I mean that. I don’t care if it’s the biggest poop in the history of poops, I promise I won’t think badly of you." And that's the truth. We all know what its like to be on both sides of the stall so to speak, so really, why is it so embarrassing? Pooping is normal. Remember, everybody poops. However, there are times where your poops are so super-duper that you really don't want anyone around and that's understandable as well. Maybe they are worse than the scenes below, (probably not as dramatic), but hey, we've all been there...

Harold And Kumar This scene has two "hot" girls in the bathroom while Harold and Kumar are secretly in there listening. Both girls decide to take a dump and play a friendly game of "Battle Shits." I can't believe this game take-off nationally?!

Getting My Workout On

It's that time of year again when all those people make New Years resolutions to hit the gym more often. It's pretty irritating. But the good thing is it only lasts about a month and then everything gets back to normal again and myself and the other regulars get our space back.

As you know, I like to get my workout on and I frequent the gym quite often now that the weather has gotten colder. Everyone at the gym pretty much has the same goals: Get healthy, lose weight, and/or feel good. I go to achieve all of these things and just love the energy and confidence a good workout gives me. Gotta love those endorphins. Since I am a creature of habit, I often go at the same time during the week so I see most of the same faces. On the weekends, I am a little more flexible so go whenever. This is when I get to see many of the different faces that I don't come into contact with during the week. There is quite a motley crue that go to my gym because of the neighborhood it is located it, however most gyms have a lot of the same types of people. These are the different types of people I have come across at the gym over the years.

1) Anorexic Girl. (Let me preface this by saying this might be a sensitive subject, but the fact remains these girls exist.) I don't know whether to be jealous of you (is that wrong?) or to feel sorry for you. I think about 10% of me is jealous of you for actually having the self-control to not eat and/or overexercise and 90% of me just feels bad for you. I feel bad because you probably look in the mirror and don't see what I am looking at and that is just plain sad. (And if that's the case, what do I look like in your eyes?) You spend all your time probably obsessing over what you are eating or not eating, and how much time you will spend at the gym. I also do that, but not to the extent that you do. I wonder how you have the energy to workout as much at you do, let alone at all. Please get some help (if you aren't already) because it really is painful for me to watch you continue to work out.

2) Man in spandex. I am sure you might have nice shapely legs and maybe even a tight ass, but I am sorry because when you are dude in spandex, all eyes goes directly to your junk. And you are lying if you say your eyes don't jolt their first. But guess what? I don't even want to see your junk, but in those spandex, you are putting it right on display and I can't help it. Then I giggle like a little immature girl. Let me focus on my workout please.

3) Grunting Man or Woohoo Lady in Spin Class. We get it. You are really getting it in. And maybe even working extra hard. But no one is impressed. Nor do I think you are working any harder than us. I kind of find it annoying actually.

Mmmmm...Balls

Christmas Blue Balls. Booyah.

With Hannukah in full swing and Christmas right around the corner, its only obvious that the only thing on my mind is balls. I mean, when aren't balls on my mind? If you are an SNL fan like myself, balls and Christmas are synonymous with each other. Schweddy Balls that is! And I am not talking about the new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor. I am talking about Bill Schweddy's famous balls that first made their debut in 1998 on SNL's "Delicious Dish" skit with Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon. On  this special holiday episode they had SNL hosting legend Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy.  Since holiday time is, (according to the ladies), where many culinary wishes can come true, they had Pete talk about his own holiday bakery, Season's Eatings. And since it is holiday season, Pete's loves to take out his balls this time of year. One of Pete's specialty's are his old family recipe, Schweddy Balls. So right then and there, Pete whipped out his big, beautiful, tender balls. If you haven't seen this hilarious episode before, it certainly is a classic. There are puns-a-plenty with tons of sexual innuendo. And we can't ignore the ladies' wardrobe as well. The fact that these women and Alec kept a straight face the entire episode just shows what professionals they are.

 (For the full video, click HERE. But since this skit was supposed to be on NPR, maybe the audio was enough. Still hilarious!)

I really just want to wrap my mouth around a Schweddy Ball. Right now. Mmmmm...balls. With that being said, have a Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Merry Christmas. And please leave Santa something more than tap water and rice.

"Shit" is funny

A new trend in viral videos has hit the web and they are, in a word: Hilarious. It all started with a Twitter account @shitgirlssay that became so popular that the writers decided to create a web series with the ever so clever name "Shit Girls Say." You must live in a bubble if you haven't seen this video yet because it was all over the place last week and guess what, I couldn't stop watching it. Over and over again. And every single time I saw it, I laughed out loud. It's just so spot-on, you can't help but see a little bit of yourself somewhere in this video. I mean, how many times have we said these things and acted this way? It's so wrong, its right.

This video became such a hit that many parodies were instantly created. Some of them were pretty fantastic as well and had me rolling. These include:

"Shit Gays Say" I didn't need this video to tell me that many things gay guys say could easily come out of my mouth at any given moment. "Ex-squeeze me" but this is pretty damn funny.

"Shit Black Girls Say" Once again, even though I am a white girl, I easily have said 90% of these things. "Beeetch", you know its true. And if you don't find it funny, you can "Pack your Playstation and get out." Amaze.

 And the newest addition "Shit Girls Say-Episode 2".  Might be funnier than the first. Can't. Stop. Watching. And laughing.

 These are "So good, right?" Obviously made to poke fun at everyone equally, they really magnify stereotypes we make. And give humor to them. And funny as these are, they (all of them!!) do make me stop and think "Gee, do I really sound like this?" And unfortunately, I think the answer may be yes. And do I care? Nope.

I want in on that Island

As previously mentioned, I DVR Saturday Night Live every Saturday night. One of my favorite players on SNL is Andy Samberg. I don't know what it is about him, but he cracks me up.  He just seems like a nice, normal Jewish guy which is why its so strange that I have a crush on him. Physically, he is almost exactly the opposite of what I am attracted to (big nose, Jew fro, not so great teeth, short, pale, etc...) but his sense of humor is just so sexy to me. Proof positive, I am not that shallow and personality does increase attractiveness. (Plus I know my mom would approve of him!)
 
Andy is part of a group called The Lonely Island and they frequently perform digital shorts for SNL. They are songs with music videos, usually with awesome cameos, that if they weren't so ridiculous would probably be hit songs played on the radio all the time. Andy, along with Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, who also make up The Lonely Island, have released two CD's as well. Some of the digital shorts have become quite famous because of their ridiculousness and awesomeness. Below are my five favorite Lonely Island digital shorts. 

1. Dick in a Box. Whenever JT comes on SNL, you know he is going to team up with Andy to make an amazing video. This one inspired awesome Halloween costumes and a great to-do list for any well-to-do gentleman. 
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put your junk in a box
3. Make her open the box.

2. Mother Lover.  For anyone who thought Dick in a Box could not be outdone, this one was pretty darn close. Incredible cameos (and wardrobe choices) in this video that was perfect for Mother's day.

3. I Just Had Sex. I even saw this song performed in concert when Akon opened for Usher this year in NJ. Sometimes after a successful night out I want to sing this from the rooftops. Aaaah. Kidding. 

4. I'm On a Boat. A little T-Pain and some autotune. What could be bad? In this case...nothing. Just don't forget your flippy floppies.

5. Jizz in My Pants. Hahahaha. Jizz. Hilarious. Once again, great cameos. And you can't beat the facial expressions of these guys. This song/video is so good it makes me want to jizz in my pants. 

6. Lazy Sunday. This was probably the first big bit hit from the group. Along with Chris Parnell, Andy describes his adventures on a Sunday to see The Chronicles of Narnia. Sounds dumb, right? It's completely brilliant. For some reason, YouTube doesn't have the video for this, just the song on a blank screen. Go HERE to see the video in its entirety. Trust me, its worth it.

Honorable Mentions: Threw it on the Ground, The Creep, Shy Ronnie, and Like a Boss.

If you couldn't get enough of the songs/videos above, def check out the honorable mentions on YouTube as they are pretty hilarious as well. Heck, after listening to these again, I think it might be time to add some to my iPod.

Fake Commercial, Fake Commercial

Saturday Night Live is usually known for their sketch characters and the skits they are in. It's kind of pathetic that I know this fact, but usually after the host comes out and does his/her monologue, their is is a fake commercial. You sit there for a second and think "wait, is this real?" until you recognize one or a few of the cast members in the commercial and realize how ridiculous this commercial actually is. I still remember watching SNL with my mom on the couch Sunday mornings and when the fake commercial came on, we always got so excited. We'd be "ooh ooh fake commercial...fake commercial" and brace ourselves for laughter. I still think that to myself this day when I see one. Below I have listed my top six favorite SNL commercials.

1. Schmitts Gay Buff men in Speedos. I'll take it. Even if they do like other men.

2. Homocil Aw. You don't need a pill, just some tolerance. Take it until you come around. Check out this commercial.

3. Oooops, I Crapped my Pants  Every time I have a Colitis flare-up I wish I had these. No joke.

4. Mom Jeans. "You're not a woman anymore, you're a mom." Thankfully, none of the moms I know would be caught dead in these bad boys. For some reason, YouTube took the video down, so click HERE to view.

5. Peyton Manning for United Way. See, athletes can be funny too!

And one for good luck: The Shake Weight DVD. Ok, so this fake commercial is mocking a real product and is probably one of the funniest. It's that damn girl in the pink shirt. She's in on it.

Obviously all of these are ridiculous and would never get anyone to think they were actually real. SNL needs to start stepping up their game again because their fake commercials lately have been lacking. At least I can hold onto these memories of laughing on the couch with my mom and also be grateful that she doesn't own a single pair of mom jeans. Phew.

SNL=Sunday morning laughs

I have watched Saturday Night Live for as long as I can remember. I still watch it. I DVR it every Saturday Night and watch it in bed Sunday morning. For an hour and half show, I can watch it in about 30 minutes. No commercials. No bands. And I usually stop after Weekend Update because that's when the show starts to take a nosedive.

SNL has made way for some of the funniest actors and actresses out there. I would LOVE to be on that show although I am not nearly as talented as their writers and actresses but always thought it would be so fun to do. SNL through the years has gone through phases of being funny and being just plain dumb depending on the cast. The funniest of skits have been made into some pretty great movies (Wayne's World, Night at the Roxbury) and some pretty lame ones (Blues Brothers, Coneheads, McGruber, etc...).  There were reoccuring sketch characters on that show I will never forget (Church Lady, Pat, Linda Richmond, Wayne and Garth, Cheerleaders, Mary-Catherine Gallagher, Matt Foley, and I could keep going on) because they were hilarious and guest stars that you can guarantee will give a good show (John Goodman, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, Justin Timberlake, etc...). There are so many SNL sketches that I can watch over and over and crack up every single time. There are actually way too many to list here, but I tried to compile my favorite skits with many honorable mentions. So here they are, my five top SNL sketches over the years.

1. Gap Girls.  This has one the best lines in SNL history. "Lay off me, I'm starving." Man, I loved Chris Farley. 

2.  Simon. Mike Myers as a little British boy with bad gas. Classic.

3. Philip and Grace. Mike Myers (again) as an ADD child is just plain hysterical. He also reminds me of my brother when he was younger.

4. More Cowbell. Will Ferrell is genius in this skit.

5. Sex and the City skit. Christina Aguilera as Samantha was so spot on it was scary. And they really nailed the others girls traits.

(If this is too blurry, check out this LINK for a better version. It's worth it.

Honorable Mentions: Any skit with my favorite characters mentioned above (Wayne's World, Coffee Talk with Linda Richmond, Cheerleaders, etc...), Any Jeopardy skit, Chippendales, Night at the Roxbury, Dog Show, Delicious Dish, Brian Fallows Safari Planet, Astronaut Jones, Super Fans, Inspirational Speaker Tom Foley, and Adam Sandler's Lunch Lady Land song.

This was seriously difficult having to list just my top five. I am sure there are ones I will think of later that I want on here instead, but whats done is done. And some of my honorable mentions could have easily made it on here too. Furthermore, this doesn't even include the digital shorts and fake commercials. I hope they make you laugh and/or smile as they make me do.

From Nobody to Somebody

Early this week there was a video I saw on one of the many blogs I read of a young British girl singing Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" and she was incredible. I mean, seriously, I was blown away.  By the end of the day, this girl was a YouTube sensation. It's amazing how a video going viral can turn a nobody into a somebody so fast. Sometimes it is real talent, but sometimes its just pure stupidity that becomes entertainment. Regardless, most of these people end up making bank and/or gaining some sort of celebrity status from these videos.

The videos below are some of my all time favorite YouTube videos. If you haven't seen or heard of any of them, congrats, you apparently live in a bubble. I pity you.

1. Antoine Dodson: Bed Intruder. I first learned of Antoine from a gossip blog I read about celebs and ridiculous news.  They showed his interview from a local news station about a break-in and attempted rape in his apartment.  Although a serious matter, his interview was hilarious. It wasn't supposed to be humorous, but his tone and delivery just could not be ignored. I couldn't get enough of him from the get go and my brother and I watched the interview over and over again. We continued to quote him the rest of the night. What we didn't realize was that Antoine was going to become famous off his interview. We thought we stumbled upon some random news story. This was so not the case. Just the next day, his interview had over a million hits on YouTube and some guys from Brooklyn auto-tuned and remixed it turning it into a hit song. It soon became my ring tone for when my brother called.

2.  Rebecca Black: Friday. Also with the help auto-tune, Rebecca Black came on the scene very fast. Additionally, she was not recognized for her talent, but for the pure ridiculousness of her song AND her video. What is so funny about her video is that it was NOT meant to be a joke. At all. It was just that bad. But so bad, it was so good. And yes, not embarrassed to say this is also on my iPod. And I have been known to sing this to my students on Fridays.

3. Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger. If YouTube was available at my school, I would most definitely show this video to my students in my Ecology unit as an example for food chains. It is both educational and hilarious. If you haven't seen this one before, its pretty damn funny and the creator has many videos as well. 

4. Chinese Boys: I Want it That Way. This video came out like six years ago and I could not get enough of it. I loved this song, but it was really all the facial expressions and choreography of these guys as well as the random friend in the background just sitting there that really made me a fan. It made the rounds really fast but unfortch for them, this was still a time where the people in these videos didn't really become famous right away. Sorry guys. You won me over though!

5. Sophia Grace: Super Bass. The most current YouTube sensation. This little girl is not only adorable, but she impressed the hell out of me by knowing all the lyrics to this song in her adorable little British accent. Most recently she went on Ellen to perform and was surprised by Nicki Minaj herself. Very classy move Nicki. No wonder you are so popular and well-liked.

There are obviously hundreds, if not thousands of videos on YouTube that draw millions of viewers each day. There are some that are just plain dumb, some that are super funny, and there others that are full of actual talent.  If it makes its way in the right hands or the right person views it, a star can be born. Hmmmm....maybe I should post a video...

Can I still do that?

I am in severe denial. These are my last few months in my twenties and I can't handle it. I really don't see myself as being an almost 30 year old.  I can't be that old. No way. This year has been one of the most fun years of my life. However as I seem to get older, I have kinda, sorta began to regress with some of my behaviors. I have no real issues with it, but apparently I should be maturing with age, not going backwards. So as I continue to get older, I ask myself:  "What behaviors will no long be appropriate when I am 30?"

When I am 30 is it still acceptable to... 
1) Puke and rally?
2) Throw up in general after a night of drinking?
3) Tell people I am 25?
4) Still drunk dial my crush at 3 am to "hang out"?
5) To dance on the bar?
6) To fill a water bottle with booze for the subway ride downtown on a night out?
7) To still go on a "woo-hoo" spring break?
8) Call my mommy crying when I am frustrated?
9) To call my mom "mommy"?
10) Have my mom call someone and pretend to be me because I am not sure how to handle a situation and she does?
11) Make-out with the random in the bar?
12) Make-out with the bouncer at the bar?
13) Watch Gossip Girl/90210/One Tree Hill or any other CW show meant for teenagers?
14) Watch new seasons of the Real World even though the cast is like 10 years younger than me?
15) Drunkenly public urinate because I just can't make it home and really, really have to pee?

I am not saying that I still do all of these things (well, maybe...), but whether I am turning 30, 40, or even 50, there are some behaviors that I do not think I will ever be to old to do. They are just a part of me and yes, they may be immature or inappropriate for someone my age, but I have accepted them, so you should to.

What's the Poop?

Poop. Crap. Doody. Shit. It's brown, it's smelly, and it's gross. But guess what?  Everyone does it. Everyone. So why are so many people so weirded out talking about poop? I for one am not. And my family most certainly is not. We grew up in a very open household where very little was off-limits for conversation. It didn't hurt that my brother and I weren't blessed with the best genes. He has Crohn's disease and I have Ulcerative Colitis. Thanks a lot mom and dad for our "shitty" genes. Ah, a pun! Hilarious. I crack myself up.

 Because of our autoimmune diseases we have become very comfortable with talking about our bowels with whoever will listen. Whether we have diarrhea, are constipated, have blood in our poop, have terrible gas, or just plain need to go, we feel the need to share with each other or those around us.  We are the probably the reason the phrase "TMI" was invented. After a great poop, I have no shame walking into a room, patting my stomach, and stating to my friends that I am now five pounds thinner.  I also have no issue voicing to those around me that I have to poop when I need to go. (I do know my audience, so I do know when and who this is appropriate around. I do have some boundaries.) I am thankful that I have friends that are okay with the poop talk and are comfortable enough to join in the convo and share along with me. I am even luckier that I have some colleagues (who also happen to be my good friends) who are just as open. We can talk about poop at meetings, at lunch, and even sometimes play "Battleshits" after school. Okay, I was kidding about the last one, but we are very open with each other. Sometimes, pooping in the bathroom stall at work is the only time of day we get to catch up and gossip.  See, pooping brings people together! 

I hope reading this didn't gross you out or make you never want to have a conversation with me again with a fear that the talk will turn to poop. I can't promise it won't. It might turn to sex, guys, food, whatever. With me, its a mixed bag, but I can guarantee it won't be boring.