Going Home

The holidays are a time when people spend time with their families. Many of us return to our parents houses to celebrate, visit, and hopefully relax. Most of the time it's the house we grew up in, but sometimes our parents have moved out and live somewhere completely different. So even though you may say you are going "home," is that really still your home? Is your home the place where you grew up? Is home just the place where your family is located now? Or is home where you are currently living?

By now, many people my age have their own places.  Whether its an apartment or a house (my real "grown-up" friends have houses already), they have a home that they lay their heads every night. Is that that what you consider your home? If so, when you go to your parents' house, do you still call it home? I certainly do. And I don't think that will ever change. (Unless of course my parents move. Which btw, better not happen unless its a second home in a warm locale. Hint, hint mom and dad. But the house I grew up in better always be my home and it is actually a dream of mine to raise my kids in that house.) 

There's something about going home that just feels right. The beep from the alarm when I immediately open the door. The smell of my house. The dog coming up to me with that look of "I know you. Where have you been for so long?" And then all the hugging and kissing hello that will happen again even though we did it at the airport. Gosh, I love going home.

After all this, I will then go upstairs to my bedroom. It is basically unchanged since I left for college over 11 years ago. This is where I will once again notice that my childhood bedroom is the same size, if not a little bigger, than my entire apartment in NYC and laugh to myself at this sorry indifference. I will look around to double check that my mom has not changed anything without my permission (or as she calls it: decluttering. Ugh).  My "Wall of Fame"/"Shrine to Myself" is still up with all my trophies, medals, plaques, team pictures even though I know it drives my mom insane. My bulletin board still has everything on it. And all my tchotchkes (troll dolls included!) are still in their respective places. Phew. It's as if I was transformed back to the year 2000 and I love every second of it. After all, when I come home, I like to pretend I am young again: laying in bed with mom and dad, going family grocery shopping on Sundays, and not having to open my wallet when I go clothes shopping with my mom. I will never be too old for any of these things. Ever.

As much as I love having my own life away from home, I miss it sometimes. I miss some of the comforts of suburbia and I miss the close proximity to my family. (Talking on the phone like five times a day just isn't the same as being there.) However, the fact that I left the nest, so to speak, and left Chicago to take on something different is something I am very proud of. I mean, I live in freaking New York City, and I am thriving there if I do say so myself. Despite all this, its always good to go home now and again, sleep in my own bed, and be taken care of as if I never left. This will never get old and as long as my house is always my home, some things will never change.

Mmmmm...Balls

Christmas Blue Balls. Booyah.

With Hannukah in full swing and Christmas right around the corner, its only obvious that the only thing on my mind is balls. I mean, when aren't balls on my mind? If you are an SNL fan like myself, balls and Christmas are synonymous with each other. Schweddy Balls that is! And I am not talking about the new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor. I am talking about Bill Schweddy's famous balls that first made their debut in 1998 on SNL's "Delicious Dish" skit with Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon. On  this special holiday episode they had SNL hosting legend Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy.  Since holiday time is, (according to the ladies), where many culinary wishes can come true, they had Pete talk about his own holiday bakery, Season's Eatings. And since it is holiday season, Pete's loves to take out his balls this time of year. One of Pete's specialty's are his old family recipe, Schweddy Balls. So right then and there, Pete whipped out his big, beautiful, tender balls. If you haven't seen this hilarious episode before, it certainly is a classic. There are puns-a-plenty with tons of sexual innuendo. And we can't ignore the ladies' wardrobe as well. The fact that these women and Alec kept a straight face the entire episode just shows what professionals they are.

 (For the full video, click HERE. But since this skit was supposed to be on NPR, maybe the audio was enough. Still hilarious!)

I really just want to wrap my mouth around a Schweddy Ball. Right now. Mmmmm...balls. With that being said, have a Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Merry Christmas. And please leave Santa something more than tap water and rice.

Should I have called in sick?

There are just some times when you don't want to go to work. Maybe you were out too late drinking last night? Maybe you were all up all night having sex? Maybe you just don't feel well? Or maybe you just need a mental health day? Whatever it is, sometimes you go into work against your better judgement when you just should have called in sick. On those days, you do the professional thing and show up because you don't want to screw anyone else over. However, sometimes, things are so bad you just should have stayed home because your productivity level might be at a low and your anxiety level might be at a high. Below are some of the days when I just should have called in sick...

1) Take Your Hangover to Work Day. An expected or unexpected night of drinking on a weeknight can be dangerous. What might have been a night of "yeah, I'll just have a drink or two" turns into "WTF happened last night and how did I even get home? And why is there vomit on my bathroom wall?" does not make for a good morning. These are the days that I am too embarrassed for myself to call in sick because I should know better by now than to get so drunk on a school night. Yet I occasionally do it. I deserve the misery that I am feeling at this moment. The exhaustion, nausea, headache, etc... are all my own fault. So I will suck it up, get up, treat myself a greasy breakfast and a Gatorade without any guilt and will this stupid hangover away. It usually lasts until about lunchtime and then I am okay because I have to be. I just have to. I can't let my teenage students know I am hungover. Unacceptable. So I will it away. Sometimes I think its better to just get going with the day even though I am miserable because otherwise I will sit home and bask in my hungover-ness all day. At work, at least I won't feel as worthless and irresponsible.

"Shit" is funny

A new trend in viral videos has hit the web and they are, in a word: Hilarious. It all started with a Twitter account @shitgirlssay that became so popular that the writers decided to create a web series with the ever so clever name "Shit Girls Say." You must live in a bubble if you haven't seen this video yet because it was all over the place last week and guess what, I couldn't stop watching it. Over and over again. And every single time I saw it, I laughed out loud. It's just so spot-on, you can't help but see a little bit of yourself somewhere in this video. I mean, how many times have we said these things and acted this way? It's so wrong, its right.

This video became such a hit that many parodies were instantly created. Some of them were pretty fantastic as well and had me rolling. These include:

"Shit Gays Say" I didn't need this video to tell me that many things gay guys say could easily come out of my mouth at any given moment. "Ex-squeeze me" but this is pretty damn funny.

"Shit Black Girls Say" Once again, even though I am a white girl, I easily have said 90% of these things. "Beeetch", you know its true. And if you don't find it funny, you can "Pack your Playstation and get out." Amaze.

 And the newest addition "Shit Girls Say-Episode 2".  Might be funnier than the first. Can't. Stop. Watching. And laughing.

 These are "So good, right?" Obviously made to poke fun at everyone equally, they really magnify stereotypes we make. And give humor to them. And funny as these are, they (all of them!!) do make me stop and think "Gee, do I really sound like this?" And unfortunately, I think the answer may be yes. And do I care? Nope.

Stuck in my Own Head

Have you ever had that feeling where you walk into a room and feel that everyone is staring at you? Do you feel they are looking at you because you are simply stunning? Because your ass looks absolutely fabulous in those pants? Because you have that giant zit on your face? Or is it because you feel that all eyes are on you because you are the ugliest, fattest chick in the room? I am sad to say that I get the ladder feeling quite often. I know a lot of it is in my head, and that everyone else is so caught up with themselves that they don't give a shit about me, but sometimes this feeling paralyzes me.

The last few weeks I have been having this feeling and I am finally just starting to get over it. I am not at my heaviest weight by any means at all, which usually sets this off, but I still just don't feel like myself. I truly believe the reason behind these feelings are because I haven't really been able to workout lately because of the recovery of my broken foot and the subsequent injury of a different part of it. You don't realize how big a part exercise plays in your life until its really taken away from you. I am not myself (physically AND mentally) without being able to workout. Sounds nuts, right? But its the truth. I am finally getting back in a routine again and I know that this is improving my social situation. Because I am not totally back on track yet, it's been really hard to get myself to go out to bars and parties because of this awful feeling in my head. And to make things more difficult, its not something that is easy to explain to those that I am close to. It's kind of embarrassing. When I try to explain to some of my friends why I am staying in, they just don't get it.  As someone who use to go out multiple times a week and now nothing, its very difficult to explain what's different. Try explaining to your skinny/pretty friend (or even your skinny/pretty mother) that you are so uncomfortable going out because you feel so fat/ugly/uncomfortable in your own skin and get met with a confused response. They just don't get it. And its too hard to explain without crying. (And yes, I know I should see a therapist about this.)

To me, when I feel like this, there is just too much pressure and anxiety in social situations so I just don't put myself in them. Situations where I am not feeling confident in myself and know that if I do go out, will end in tears. I will be in a crowded bar or party and get these feelings where it takes so much in me from crying that I have to excuse myself before it actually happens. I have been in bars before and I literally had to leave and go home so I didn't burst into tears right then and there. This has happened before, but thankfully not in years.  To be in that sensitive and emotional place in my head is not any fun at all. I get very self-conscious and unsure of myself and the negative feelings start to spiral out of control. They get even worse if I am out and a guy comes up and starts talking to/flirting with me. One would think this would help me feel better about myself, but that's not the case. If a guy does happen to talk to me while out, in my head it's because of a dare or a joke. He must have lost a bet where he has to go up and talk to the DUFF (designated, ugly, fat friend....um, didn't anyone watch Average Joe years ago?). Why else would he talk to me? There are tons of other skinny, beautiful girls in this bar, why are they talking to me? Why are they interested in me when there are so many better options right under their nose? I am utterly confused by this and just makes me feel worse. Ugh.

I am happy to say that I am finally getting back to myself and getting out of my funk. However, I have actually been really enjoying staying in and its a really easy habit to get used to. Laying low, watching movies, and going to bed early is so refreshing, especially as the weather has turned colder. Because I am usually out and about all day during the weekends, I don't mind just coming home and relaxing the rest of the night. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything at night and I know I will wake up renewed and hangover-free the next morning. As things start to look on the bright side again for me mentally and physically and I begin to morph back into my confident, happy-go-lucky self again, I can only hope I will be able to walk into a bar or a party and hope that all eyes are on me for the positive. Until then, I just need to do the things that make me happy and comfortable: staying in, waking up early, and hitting the gym. The rest will fall back into place.