Jersey Chasing

A jersey chaser is someone who often is attracted to and goes after athletes romantically. Kim Kardashian would be a fine example of this. And perhaps some of the women on VH1's Basketball Wives and Baseball Wives. Some of these women actually married the athletes, some were engaged to them, some are simply baby mamas, and some just dated the guys. Regardless who they are, these women have one thing in common with me: We are attracted to athletes. I however, am not in it for the money. I am not saying all of these women are gold diggers, but some of them go for the athletes for their bank accounts. I on the other hand, love their bodies and their athletic ability. The bank accounts of the professional athletes just happen to be a bonus if you snag one. To me, their athleticism is so sexy and even the ugliest player who has such fantastic talents, especially on the basketball court or football field, becomes attractive. I don't know what it is about them. Maybe its the pheromones they emit when they sweat that draws me in. Mmmmm.

I have always been attracted to the athletes for as long as I can remember. Part of it is because that sports, playing and watching, were and are such a big part of my life. But I think the fact that many athletes usually have ridiculously smokin' bodies helps.

I know I will never land an professional athlete, and I am totally okay with that because they would probably cheat on me anyway. I mean, how many professional athletes are actually faithful to their wives. Paging Kobe. Paging Tiger. I couldn't deal with that. With all the road trips, groupies, and temptation, who could really blame them? Disgusting yes, but they have their pick of the litter every single night. You'd think they'd have self-control and/or a conscience, but most of them have been handed so many things their whole life, have never heard "No," and rarely received consequences for their actions because of their phenomenal talents. They often feel almost invincible.

Lets say that we lived in a magical world where I could actually land myself a professional athlete and I could have my pick at some of the world's most talented and attractice, who would I date? Well take a lookey...

1) Reggie Bush. I know he is Kimmy's sloppy seconds, but she does have good taste in men. I'll give her that one. He is straight up gorge.

 2) Chad Ochocinco. The man is certifiably insane, but is sexy as hell. He is pretty immature but has a good sense of humor and a great sense of style.

3) Braylon Edwards. Um, hello sexy. Look into the camera. Dayum. Your looks make me forgive you for going to Michigan.

4) Cam Newton. Well hi there Rookie. Welcome to the big leagues. Cam can def hang with the big boys in the looks department. Smokin' hot.

5) Derrick Rose. I can't forget my hometown hottie, Chicago Bull D. Rose. The NBA's current MVP is one fine lookin' dude. He has very unique eyes and the tats are sexy as hell.

The usual studs of David Beckham, Jason Taylor, and Derek Jeter didn't make my list. They just don't do it for me. And hotties Tom Brady and Mark Sanchez are okay in my book. I wouldn't kick either one of them out of out of bed, but you can tell I certainly have a type. Even though a man in uniform is so attractive and makes someone instantly hotter, when these guys get in their street clothes or GQ it up, they are simply en fuego. Obviously, even if I actually lived in a dream world and was dating one of them, I would be so insecure that they were cheating on me, I would become insane. I am better off this way. I'll stick with the amateurs. And laugh at the stupidity of these professional athletes' wives who are so shocked when they find out their husband has cheated on them. Hope you didn't sign a pre-nup ladies.

'Tis the Season

'Tis the season of holiday music. And I am a fan of it. I mean, who isn't? Right? While some people cringe when they hear Christmas music on the radio, especially before Thanksgiving, I get kind of excited. There are a few holiday songs that I can listen to over and over again, and even have on my iPod. When I have it on shuffle, and they come on at a random time during the year, I still listen to them. Most of these songs aren't exactly classics but they get me excited for the the holidays and give me thoughts of sitting around in my sweats on my parent's couch and just relaxing. Aaaahh. In no particular order, below are five of my favorite songs of the holidays.

1. Mariah Carey,"All I want for Christmas" I could listen to this song all year long. Mariah has a killer voice and this song reminds me of when she was a star and not so cray-cray.

2. Britney Spears ,"My Only Wish"  Not only is she my girl-crush, but girl can rock a Christmas song like no one else. I heart you Brit Brit.

3. N'Sync "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" These boys know how to churn out hits, and this is no exception. They even say Happy Holidays so they are technically talking about all holidays this time of year, not just Christmas. Am I right or what? Ha, who are we kidding. But whatever it is, thanks for being semi-inclusive gentlemen.

4. Adam Sandler, "The Hannukah Song." Finally a song for the Jews. About Jews. By a Jew. Even though I am not a huge Sandler fan, I do enjoy this ditty.

5. SNL "Carol of Intimacy"This song comes from an SNL skit many, many years ago and is a spoof of a real Christmas song that I really enjoy. It just makes me laugh out loud too because whenever I hear the real version I think of Dana Carvery and never sing the real words.

 

Once again, these are obviously not "Classic" holiday songs, but these are the ones that put me in the best mood around holiday time.  Everyone has their favorites and these are mine. They instantly can bring a smile to my face and extra skip in my step in a very hectic and stressful time of year. 

Making friends is hard to do

In a city as big as New York, you would think it would be easy to make friends right away because there are so many options to choose from. As a female adult, it can be difficult making other female friends because the opportunities to meet new people aren't like they use to be. You work with the same people every day. It's not like you have classes or clubs to really join like you did in high school or college. You can play in urban young-professional sports leagues, take some kind of cooking/sewing lesson or class, join a book club, etc...but these can be expensive and don't always yield results. Or if you do happen to participate in one of these things and become friendly with some girl(s) you don't really keep in touch after they end. You swear you'll will, but never do. Very common happening.

The most common way I have made some new friends is through other friends. You meet a girl, usually a friend of a friend at a party, a bar, some sort of social outing together and you start talking with this girl. You guys seem to have a lot in common (besides your mutual friend) and are kind of hitting it off. You are talking about cute guys, judging some of the other girls around you, or even just bonding over the fact that you are getting hammered together. Usually in your drunkenness you exchange numbers and swear you will "hang out next weekend for sure." This sounds like its a happens all the time, right? But then you don't text her right away for fear of being a stalker/creeper and she doesn't text you right away for fear of the same thing. However, you really would like to hang out again and potentially become friends. So what do you do? Without coming on too strong and looking like you want more than a friendly relationship with this person can be tricky.  But if everything works out well, you could end up with a brand new friend.

This has happened to me a few times in the past year. I have made some new good friends this way and now we joke about how we were "courting" each other and how awkward it can be to make female friends. My other friends make fun of me too sometimes because girls tend to "pick me up" when I go out. I can't help it if people are just drawn to me and want more. Duh. But seriously, I have hung out with friends of friends at parties or bars and we exchanged numbers and said we are "totally gonna call each other" but then neither of us did. Did we just enjoy hanging out because everyone else there was lame? Were we just trying to be polite? Prob not, we aren't loser-guys after all. We actually enjoyed each others company at that time and thought it would be fun to hang out again. But the next move is the trickiest. If seems cool and like she would be fun to hang with again or fit in with your circle of friends already, just text her to see what she's up to that weekend. No one ever wants to make the first move, but obviously one of you has to. Who is going to send the first text? And what do you write? It can be weird. But once you do it, you might end up with a good friend. Go out for drinks or go to another party together. If there is too much time between when you meet and when you first contact each other that can be weird too, so don't let that happen. So, if you meet a cool girl at a party and want to hang out again, don't worry, its not creepy. She'll know you aren't hitting on her. Ask for her number so you can hang out again and just make the move. Who knows, she could end up being one of your closest friends a few months from now.

Why do I continue to watch?

We all know that I love reality TV and watch a lot of it. However, when the reality TV stars become tabloid fodder, it can take away some of the surprises and excitement that happen on the show. I could never understand why these shows continue to tease viewers with storylines that we already know the endings to. For example, Snooki's arrest on Jersey Shore last summer. Yes, I was excited to see it go down, but I knew exactly what was going to happen because I had read about it a thousand times online and in magazines. It kind of made it a snooze. And for this upcoming season I know Vinny leaves to go home mid-season so don't tease with a "will he or won't he?" So annoying. Even though I watch this show, I am not that big of a moron.

This type of thing happens quite often and no other shows makes me feel like I am a bigger idiot than any of the Kardashian shows on E! I only feel like an idiot because I continue to watch even though I know what is going to happen. I also know that the show is so fake and contrived. Since the Kardashians are in almost pretty much every single tabloid pretty much every week and they have diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to talking about themselves, little to nothing is private.

This brings me to this Sunday's episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. It was the third episode of the season and of course I can't get enough of this garbage so I tune in each week. The first episode aired three weeks ago and began with all the divorce headlines. It then rewound to eight weeks earlier when filming began and the couple was in newly "wedded bliss." Yes I know E!'s goal for the viewers is to want to watch this marriage unravel, but cut the bullshit. Don't tease us with things we already know the answers to. Anyway, this week's episode bothered me more than usual for some reason and this is why:

Kim without and with make-up

1) Kim wearing a full face of make-up. All. The. Time. I mean, seriously? I know this isn't anything new and I should be use to it by now, but this week had Kim in her pj's and in the bathtub; each time in an absolute FULL face of make-up. Girl was in foundation, fake-eyelashes, bright lipstick, everything to the max. So unnecessary. S0 phony. Who takes a bath with a full face of make-up? Isn't the point to get clean? Is she that insecure with her face makeupless that she won't show it on camera? She is a pretty girl but if this show is as "real" as she always defends it to be, why can't she just be real herself?

2) Kim going off birth control. Will they or won't they get preggers? Gosh, I am on the seat of my pants today wondering about this one. Ugh. The jig is up. You are getting divorced with no child on the way. We all know this. No one is going to believe that they are going to get pregnant so who really cares that she is going to go off birth control and are deciding if they want kids right away. There is no anticipation on this end. They should have just cut this storyline out because we all know how it ended. No baby Humphries is on the way and many court dates are in the future.
3) Kourtney being disgusted by finding porn on Scott's computer. She then goes running to Kim to show her what she found and of course Kim is repulsed too. Isn't it weird that Kim would look at computer porn and say how gross it is knowing she became famous because of a sex tape-turned- porno? (Sidenote: I wonder if Scott ever got off watching Kim's tape? GROSS! Think that's ever crossed Kourtney's mind?) Kim's tape wasn't necessarily meant to become a porn, but it became one. And a very famous one at that. She is so frickin' prissy and acts like she is above it all. But Kimmy, thank your lucky stars that people like porn because you wouldn't be who you are without it. And if you don't know what that is, let me a remind you: its a talentless, personality-less, big-assed, boring, vapid moron. But hey, I guess I am the bigger moron for tuning in each week. Whatevs.

Additionally, are we supposed to believe that Scott and Kourtney really weren't having any sex while in NY? (And kinda grossed out to the fact that he discussed this with Kris Jenner over fish tacos. (Ironic, no? Get it? Fish tacos. Ah.)) Considering Kourtney just came out to the public that she is pregnant again, her and Scott were obviously getting it on. In her magazine interview she stated how they had a lot of sex and the show really edited it to look as if their relationship was a lot worse than it really was. I know that is the beast that is the editing of reality TV, but c'mon now.

Even though I have so many issues with this show, I do find it entertaining and set my DVR each week so I can watch it without interruption. So maybe I shouldn't complain. Ha. Who am I kidding? Of course I am going to. And that is because I am one of the reasons this trash continues to make millions and I hate myself for it.  I know how fake and ridiculous it is and still continue to tune in. Sue me. But seriously, Ryan Seacrest and E!, I am not a complete fucking idiot, so please don't treat me like one. I am sure you can manufacture plenty of other original fake storylines that we don't already know the endings to. So save the "Is Kourtney pregnant again?" storyline." Thanks so much.

Damn You Facebook!

Do you ever get that feeling where you hit it off with a guy and then when the time comes to part ways, nothing happens? There is that awkward pause on what (if anything) is going to happen next and then you are all "K, nice to meet you, bye." No exchange of numbers or emails or anything? It's kind of disappointing, right? Well, yeah. This has happened to me a couple times and in my head I think "Wow, maybe I read that whole situation wrong and totally made up the chemistry we had." Then I second guess myself. Kinda sucks. But it is what it is. I am a woman of the 2000's, I can make the move after if I want to. (And really, if he was just that into me, wouldn't he have just done it?)

The most recent of this event happened in September. I went to a Giants Monday Night Football game with some friends.  When we got to our seats, next to us were some normal looking guys our age, which is always a good thing.  I started talking with one of them who was one seat away from me. We kept talking over his friend (who sat in between us) and seemed to actually hit it off, chatting flirtatiously most of the game. He even offered multiple times to get me a drink, some ice cream, etc... Eventually he asked if he could switch seats with his friend and we sat next to each other the rest of the game. We covered the usual about each other as far as what we do, where we went to school, where we are from, etc... All seemed to be going pretty well for what I thought would be at the very least, an exchange of information for future contact. However, when my friends and I left the game after the third quarter because it was a snooze fest at that point, we said goodbye to each other and then...nothing. I for sure thought he'd ask for my digits. But he didn't. Bummer. I wasn't going to initiate asking for his information because I didn't care THAT much (he was G-U (Geographically Undesirable) after all) to me, but there was mild disappointment on my end. 

Anyway, cut to this weekend, I was reading an article online about how Facebook has this "Other" section in their "Messages" that hides messages from people that you are not friends with or have no mutual friends with. I decided to see if I had this section, which I obviously do, (cause everyone does!) and lo and behold, there was a message from the cute guy from the Giants game from the night we met in September! WTF?! How could I have missed this? Fucking Facebook!! I mean we could be happily dating by now. Totally kidding. Or more likely, I could have already gone out with him once, found something wrong with him, and written him off already. Also kidding. Kind of. But seriously, I mean, how did I not know about this secret message section until now? This means, after the game, he actually searched for me on Facebook, and found me, which isn't an easy task. I have a pretty common name and live in an enormous city so kudos to you fella. You have good Facebook stalking skills! A man after my own heart.

So here I was on a Friday night with this new Facebook message from someone I was attracted to for a night two months ago.  Kind of exciting. But man was I pissed I didn't get the message then. Damage done though. I decided even though two-and-a-half months had gone by I would write him back anyway. Hey, I have nothing to lose at this point. And so I did. And we corresponded back and forth a few messages and then nothing. I mean two months have passed, so maybe the little interest he had was gone. If that was the case though, why bother even writing back (and in a flirtatious manner at that)? (I mean I guess I could have initiated a meet-up or something, but eh, whatever.)

I really don't know why he wrote me two months ago. Maybe he was too nervous to ask for my number at the game? Or just wanted to continue to chat? Or was just bored? Whatever it was, I wish I would have gotten the message back then because he obviously went out of his way to find me and write me. Regardless of what might have happened then (and the fact I got nothing out of it now), I now know how to get my "other messages" from Facebook so something like this won't happen again. Next time I meet a cute guy and we seem to hit it off and he doesn't ask for my number, I will either man up and ask for his or can only hope his shyness will not hinder him from finding me on Facebook and messaging me. Challenge extended gentlemen.