For the fifth time that I have celebrated my birthday since beginning this blog, I am writing my annual birthday post. I like to look back at the highlights (these were few and far between this year) and the lowlights (there were a lot more of these which is also why I didn't write all that much this year.) As I always do, I like to start with the lows and end with highs so I can build upon them.
LOWS:
1-4) Work, Dating, Running, My Body. It seemed that absolutely none of these worked out for me this year. Work seemed to get worse. Those of the opposite sex cannot seem to find anything appealing or attractive about me. I totally bombed at the Chicago Marathon. And my self-image continues to be a major obstacle every single day. All of these lows seem to summed up pretty much in one post; one that I wrote fairly recently out of plain old frustration and sadness. These four issues haunted me all year and it seemed that when I got knocked down by one, I would hope that one of the others would work in my favor. I mean, they had to. But oh no, I was wrong. And I kept feeling like I was getting knocked down over and over...and over again. And it was hard. It was very hard for me. This whole year was.
I don't want to continue to dwell on these things but they are everyday challenges I face and although I have been trying to change my mindset with them, I know I am not going to wake up one morning and magically fall back in love with teaching, have a guy I like actually reciprocate my feelings, run a minute-a-mile faster, and drop twenty pounds. It's not going to happen. What I do hope for in this upcoming year is that I become better at coping with these things and not let them continually bring me down. I know I am stronger than this!
HIGHS:
1) Another European Summer Trip. I am my happiest when I get to travel and explore the world and RayRaysEuroVacay2 was no different. It was a freaking blast. In my second time going to Europe, I felt more comfortable traveling solo than ever before. I swear, if money were no object, I would probably travel for like 85% of my life. There is so much out there to see and do and I want to see it all. Like now. Can someone please make that happen for me? Please.
2) More sunrise runs. I have always been a motivated runner, but this year, I don't know how or why it finally hit me, but running at sunrise and watching the day officially begin is fucking awesome. And pretty. Oh-so-pretty. How I took it for granted after doing it for years is beyond me, but the excitement of getting up super early and seeing the sun rise, even on vacation, is very fulfilling to me. It is often the major reason I pop out of bed in the morning. Of course, my morning runs always set the tone for the day and I just don't feel myself if I skip one (unless its one of my pre-planned days off). And when there is a spectacular sunrise (pinks and purples FTW), it just starts my day off so much better. And lets not forget how even the busiest of places are pretty solitary at sunrise, so if I run to them, I get to enjoy them all to myself and it's pretty special.
3) Coaching Basketball. I know I've said this a lot, but basketball is one of my great loves and last year I got the opportunity to coach the girls varsity basketball team. Ever since I started teaching 11 (!!) years ago, I knew I wanted to coach basketball because it had given me so much in high school. My first year coaching was a very successful one and I realized how much I missed being involved with the game. Although the season didn't end the way I wanted it to, having the opportunity to coach these girls was such an amazing experience.
So that's it, thirty-three in a very short nutshell. Honestly, thinking of three positives for the year was hard for me. There were a few minor ones, but in my head, they were overshadowed by bigger disappointments. I went into it the new year very positive and having a "this is going to be my year" mindset like I try to do each year and then it was a fucking bust. Each year as I get older, I believe things should start coming together and I hope they eventually will. Perhaps since thirty-three was such a down year, thirty-four will be the total opposite. I'm going to go into it thinking this way and hope that everything else follow suit.
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