I don't get it.

As the weather gets warmer, many New Yorkers that have been hiding out all winter (ummm, ME), decide it's finally time to get a little social. As things begin wind down at work and my schedule is a little more open, I have become a little more flexible with my time and go out a little bit more and even date a little. Gasp. Yes, DATE. That four letter word that makes even the most happy-go-lucky women feel jaded and stupid. Or is that just me? It can't be just me. When my friends and I and share our dating stories, we all seem to have such similar frustrating ones. And because we don't understand them, we can't offer each other advice or anything. We can just sit there cursing the dudes and laughing over the ridiculousness of it all, because if we can't laugh at it, we'd probably be crying. (Wait, we do that too.)

I don't date that often. In fact, I go through periods of dating a lot (that's a very relative term), but unfortunately it's usually a one-and-done situation.  There seem to be a lot (again, relative) of first dates followed up by one of three things:
1) He was super nice, but just not for me.  OR
2) Although seemed cool over text, he was socially awkward and/or could not hold eye contact or a good conversation.  OR
3) I had fun, thought it went well, and am apparently dumb enough to think there would be a second date because he even mentioned a "next time." This however, is usually followed by hearing nothing, getting ghosted, or getting the "I'm just really busy this week" which (I've used before) and can certainly take a hint with when no alternative date is set-up.

Scenario number three seems to be the most common ones amongst my friends and I and we are left wondering a lot of things along the lines of:
1) I must have said something dumb.  OR
2) Maybe I am too fat for them. OR
3) Maybe I swore much. OR
4) Maybe I drank too much. OR...

Shall I go on with all the doubts? Because I can. I have a ton of them. It's amazing how someone I barely know can make me question so much about myself and leave me feeling like a giant piece of shit. But above all of this, the one thing that I question the most in this scenario is how could I have misread the situation so poorly. This doesn't always happen all the time, but it has happened enough lately to really confuse me. Trust me, I can tell if someone isn't feeling me as I am more honest with myself than others appear to be. And I would never want to continue to see someone who wasn't as in to me as I was to them. Why would I do that to myself? But how could I get such an incorrect read on someone and think they are attracted to me to and then come to realize they most certainly are not? Even when I'm not even interested in the person but get the feeling they are into me, I end up being wrong. This is a definite blow to my ego either way; in so many ways. I am a smart, observant, and perceptive young woman, so how could I so wrongly read these situations time and time again?

In the past few months, I've had some unfortunate dating scenarios happen that I look back on and dissect and just make me question myself? Even though some of these started out so promising (usually the case) and whether I liked the guy or was still trying to figure that out, the ending always seems to end up the same: he disappears. There are a few that come to mind that I will never be able to figure out..

- There was the guy I dated for like six weeks and then just literally disappeared. No communication. Ummm, okay. I really liked him so that majorly sucked. But I was too proud and stubborn to reach out to him after not hearing from him for a few days and then ever again.

- Then there was guy who I dated for like four weeks, that I really wasn't that into anyway, but was nice and handsome, BUT he took almost 24 hours to return a text. Unacceptable. Eventually after telling him I wasn't okay with that and wasn't sure I wanted to keep seeing him because of it, he apologized profusely and changed for like a week before going back to his old ways of lacking general common courtesy. No one is that busy to not return a simple text or two and it just isn't something I can deal with. No one should. If someone is that into me (as he said he was) he'd want to text me. He'd want to reply. So something was clearly not there. Good riddance.

- Finally, there was my most recent ridiculousness, Mr. "Do Not Disturb." I went out with him and had a fabulous first date, but wasn't sure I was totally feeling it but was willing to give it another go. We texted the next couple of days and actually even met up again later in the week out for drinks with our friends. He was totally normal and seemed super into me and even told my friend as much, multiple times when I was in the bathroom. She totally approved of him and saw some promise with this one. As the night was ending, my friend and his friend both left (separately), we finished our drinks, and he walked me to my apartment and we said our goodbyes before getting on the train. He even texted me when he got home and we chatted some more and the convo ended with him giving me a "sleep well" and a kissy face emoji. All seemed pretty great. The next day, he had the day off from work and I was at work, exhausted from being out late. I texted him that I was jealous he didn't have work since I was so tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. This text was met with a simple "do not disturb." At first I thought it was a joke. But as the hours went on, it most certainly didn't seem to be one. I texted him one more time to see how his day was and was met with nothing. I never heard from him ever again. What. The. Fuck? Seriously, what the hell happened? I was baffled. Furthermore, who in their right mind thinks its acceptable to write that to someone to "end" whatever it is what was going in? How is that okay? As inconsiderate and rude I think ghosting is, I don't think it would have irritated me as much as a "do not disturb." Who does that? Here's the thing too, if I hadn't had heard from him and texted when he got home that night, I wouldn't have thought it was too weird. I would have assumed I said/did something stupid that night (in the time my friend left to where we parted ways) to make him uninterested, but since we talked when he got home, I assumed (clearly wrongly) all was good and there was still some interest there. Like seriously, what happened between when he went to sleep and woke up that merited that response? I will never know because I never texted him again. If I text you once with no response, shame on you. If I do it twice and don't a response, shame on me. When I told my friend what happened, her response was almost the same as mine: "I'm usually such a good judge of character and can read people well" so when I showed her the texts, she was just as confused as I was. She thought he was totally into me. I mean, he told her as much too. Anyone have any insight into this? How can two intelligent girls read this both so wrong? I guess we'll never know.

A friend's story: There was guy I introduced my friend to and they really seemed to hit it off.  Based on my observations between them and knowing she was into him, he seemed to reciprocate her feelings. He immediately found her on social media and began to follow her, which we both took as a good sign. When we all hung out again, he asked for her number. Another good sign. However, when she went to text him, he took over 24 hours to return her text, yet in that time span liked a bunch of her Instagram posts (new ones and old ones). What is up with that? He's clearly on his phone. It didn't die. He didn't die. He didn't lose his phone. Return the fucking text bro. It's rude. I don't get it. Help me (us) understand this. It's frustrating. And it happens all the damn time.

In the past year or so of dating, I have become more and more disillusioned and jaded with men. It seems I (or my friends) can't seem to meet any quality guys. They may be attractive and look good on paper, but when push comes to shove, they lack a lot of communication skills and necessary traits for a solid, healthy relationship. However, I think what it comes down to is that if they liked me enough, none of these things would happen. Probably. Because if you like someone enough you want to talk them, to actually return a text, or to just not be a giant dickbag. It's that simple. I don't get why an easy "I'm just not that into you" can't suffice? Is that really too much to ask for? Or even an "You're annoying and I didn't like you." That's even better than a ghosting. I'm all for honestly, even if rude, because it's actual closure to something. Did too many "crazy" girls ruin that for us because they didn't handle it well? I don't even know and I can't begin to figure it out. Whatever it may be, I'm trying not to get too bogged down by it and take it too personally. Obviously it stings when someone doesn't like you (even if you don't like them) or when someone doesn't even have the courtesy to text you back. Such is life dating in 2016 I guess and although I don't understand it, I'll keep at it a little while longer before either giving up again or finding someone special. We'll see what happens first this time around...