I'm a loser at losing

I am going to just put it out there: I fucking hate to lose. I don't just hate it. I FUCKING hate it. And frankly, I am not good at it. Simply put, I'm a loser at losing. I don't handle it well and it almost always ends in tears for me. It can be embarrassing sometimes, but such is my reality. This has always been an issue of mine and one that I can't seem to grow out of. Sometimes my competitive edge gets the best of me to an unhealthy degree. It happens with the pressure of I put on myself with running, and it carries over into other aspects of my life.

As many of you know, I spent this spring coaching a girls flag football team. I have coached the bowling team the last seven years (and none with winning seasons) and as much fun as it is, it's not a contact, competitive team sport like football. Growing up playing a ton of team sports, I know what its like to be a part of a team. There is so much more to it than playing. It's the game itself and the bond you form with your team. I know how it feels to win big games and lose big games. Obviously the feelings after these are dramatically different but the losses seem to be the ones I remember because of how upset I was after. Those games always seem to haunt me. (I can still vividly remember how my basketball season ended senior year of high school. Home playoff game. We were top seeded and lost to one of our rivals (who we had previously beaten already) with an half court buzzer beater. Needless to say, I was inconsolable. Yes, it still haunts me. I have issues, okay!)

I CAN Make it Anywhere!

Well, it's finally happened...I'm officially a New Yorker. Today is the ten year anniversary of my big move to New York City. If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere, right? Well, I've made it suckas. Not that there was ever any doubt in my mind.

But really, this anniversary is a huge deal to me. Huge. Ten years is a long freaking time in a place where I was planning to just stay one year. A place I pretty much came to on a whim. A city where I knew no one and had only been to one time prior. It was a giant leap of faith that I took and sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe I really did it and have been here ever since. It was one of the wisest decisions of my life and I couldn't be happier with my choice.

Happy Mother's Day Mama!

It's Mother's Day today, so first and foremost, Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. But most importantly, HMD to my mama!! My mom, my best friend, my twinsie. This wonderful woman who gave me life and made me the woman that I am today. This is a woman who I talk, text, Snapchat, and/or FaceTime with multiple times a day. This is a woman who deserves an entire blog post dedicated to her. Why? Because as much as she annoys me from time to time (let's call a spade a spade here!), I am beyond lucky to have her as my mom.

My mother and I are closer than many mother-daughters I know. It wasn't always smooth sailings with us, but over the years we have just gotten closer and closer. Many people still joke that even though we are 800 miles apart, that the cord still hasn't been cut. Hey, I'm, okay with that.

Only the lonely...

Lately things have been going really well. Spring is in the air, the weather has finally improved (and I can get my tan on), and work is fun (well at least the coaching part (but the other part ain't so bad either)). However, as great as these things are, I find myself not being able to fully enjoy them. The fact is that I am lonely. I am really, really lonely and it makes me sad a lot of the time. It's utterly embarrassing to admit to but its the truth. (And as you know this blog is sometimes my sounding board for this kind of stuff, regardless how personal or embarrassing.)

You'd think in a city as big as New York, "How can one feel that lonely?" but when there are so many people around and not one of them is "yours," it can make it feel that way. You see others together hand in hand walking down the street, giggling, and just enjoying each other's company, and heck yes it makes me envious. I'm not gonna lie, I want that. I'm ready for it.

So. Much. Fun.

Anyone that reads this blog or who knows me well knows I'm pretty much obsessed with sports. I love watching and playing most of them. It doesn't hurt that I am also good at them, naturally. Although my playing days are over except for the occasional rec league softball, football, or basketball game, I miss competition. Sure, I constantly compete with myself with my running and other fitness related activities and am always trying to better myself, but I often miss competitive team sports.

When I started teaching, I knew I wanted to get into coaching as well. Basketball was the obvious choice for me, but they already had a coach. However, the position of bowling coach opened up my second year and I took it. Why not, right? I have been coaching the bowling team the last seven years and its fun, but I wouldn't exactly say what I do is coaching. Sure, I give them some pointers here and there, but its more supervising and organizing. It doesn't have the excitement level of football or basketball.