Dear Diary...

I am currently home in Chicago this week for my spring break and obvi love every second of it. Since I am still in a spring cleaning mood (had a great Friday purging clothes and can't wait until round two when I get back) and my mom nagged me to go through some of my old stuff to donate/toss, I went through the desk drawers in my bedroom. I had two old diaries in there from grade school. I never really kept a diary on a regular basis, but had always wished I was consistent with it. Neither diary I found was full, but they had some stuff in there that I may have been unhappy about back then, but is now hilarious. One diary was from 1990 and had about 10 entries in it and another was from 1993. Apparently I made it my New Years resolution in '93 to write in it everyday because I started January 1 but only made it to mid Feb with like 8 or so missed days in between. It is so NOT like me to start something and quit, but apparently I have grown up a lot since then.

One thing that was made very clear in my diary entries is that both my relationship with my mom and my brother (Adam) has greatly improved over the years, especially with my mother. My dad and I always got along, even when he coached me (and I had a self-admitted severe attitude problem). We never had any big issues and I was always a daddy's girl. I think I called him a "dummy" once in a diary entry. Burn. I also know growing up, my brother and I fought a lot. Like a lot. I was totally verbally abusive to him, very impatient, and we often got into physical fights. We still get in tiffs today if we spend too much time together but now that we are older, we have really fun times together. (Perhaps you have read about our night out in Mexico?) In grade school, my mom used to threaten to send us to a social worker to talk about our problems but never ended up following through. There are some diary entries about her threats regarding this and me not wanting to go because if my friends found out I saw a social worker, I'd be mortified.  Other diary entries have mentions of how unattractive I found red head guys, how much I enjoy eating rolls, my love for my crush (I wrote about him A LOT), and tons about basketball. In typical me fashion, one entry ends "I have so much to complain about my basketball team right now, but not nearly enough room to write about it." Some things never change. And then there are others change drastically...like my relationship with my mama.

My mom and I use to fight all the time. We went through a very rough patch for a few years late in elementary school where I really couldn't stand her. Everything she did got under my skin and I was totally under the impression that she favored my brother. (I may or may not still get that impression from time to time.) My grandma use to always ask how we were getting along and try to mediate between the two of us. I am very thankful to say that those days are long gone. Anyone that knows me now knows that I am pretty much obsessed with my mom. She is my best friend and I love her to death. We speak minimally about 2 times a day on the phone and text and FB often. Some say its unhealthy how much we talk. I respectfully disagree and love how close we are. I often don't know how I survive so far away from her. I tell her almost everything (right down to the consistency of my poops and my most recent make-outs) and I trust her with my life. Although she nags me to death about my weight and about still being single, she makes up for it with everything else. Gotta take the good with the bad, I guess. But anyway, when I found these diaries, there were some entries from a very young me who was clearly frustrated with my mom. I read them aloud to her and my dad and we were all cracking up so hard. The me of yesteryear certainly isn't the me of today when it comes to how I feel about my mom. Maybe some of my foul language is the same and even my tone. (I could sense it!) So for your viewing pleasure, here were the top four entries that had us rolling. If you know me well, these should be quite entertaining.

I am eight years old in the first three entries and 11 in the fourth. And let me say my penmanship and grammar are pretty remarkable for a girl that age. I impress myself now with the usage of quotes and parentheses at such an early age. Additionally, I did not change the spelling when I re-typed it. I wanted to keep the young me's authenticity.

Life's a bitch when you have my kind of mother. She yells at you for things you don't do. Mom's can be so immashore just like my mom. All moms think about is there selfs and all my mom cares about is Adam and herself.

My mom yelled at me today about 100 times. She acts like she took yelling pills. My mom is about the meanest mom on Earth.

Sometimes my mom is really stupid and sometimes I hate her. She always gives me a 3 right away. I think she loves Adam more than she loves me.

I had Hebrew and regular school today. I got punished for saying "Fuck You" to Adam. Tonight we went to Grandma's to say goodbye (she's leaving tomorrow). In school we had Battle of the books. Miss Lee's team won. Kenny and Becky started crying because their class lost. When I came home from grandma's house, mom put soap in my mouth for saying Fuck. I don't know why there are good words and bad words.

For a little girl, I knew I always had quite the potty mouth (and still do today), and its funny to look back and see how it progressed. It has only gotten worse as I have gotten older. Whatevs. At least my relationship with my mom has gotten so much better. We are both super grateful of how that relationship blossomed and of how well we get along today.  Mom, I love you soooooo much and am glad we made it over the hump. Thank goodness you stopped taking those yelling pills or else who knows where we'd be today!!