A Sea of Kleenex

I consider myself to be a very sensitive young lady. And I cry often. I feel like a good cry is so therapeutic and really helps release a lot of negative energy that might have built up. Sometimes I really look forward to a good cry. But sometimes they just creep up on me. Two triggers that I have are old people and obese people. Sometimes I will see these two types of people on the train, in a restaurant, or even just walking down the street, and I will just start to burst into tears. It's a problem. However, if I am home and need a good cry, I have some movies that will do the trick. These aren't my usual sports tear jerkers, but actual tear jerkers that normal people also cry at. If I don't feel like crying and these movies are on, I will usually avoid them at all costs because I don't want to deal with the puffiness and red-eyes that will linger. These are also movies that don't just have my eyes well-up and tears rolling down my cheeks; they are movies that I will literally be heaving, trying to catch my breath and have a sea of snot-filled Kleenex surrounding me. Not a pretty scene. But like I said, sometimes I am not allowed to watch these (self-imposed rule) unless I really need a good cry session. And you know what, sometimes those are just necessary. So when the time comes, these are the movies that I turn to.

1. The Notebook. Duh. What girl has seen this movie and bawled their eyes out? And even some dudes will actually admit to crying during this movie. I don't know what it is exactly that gets me every single time, but it does. I think its the fact that these two people have found love so real and intense that it will not be broken by anything. Not even Alzheimer's. This movie also is one that makes me feel sorry for myself. "Will I ever find a love like this? Who really is so lucky to find a true love this real? Does this happen anymore? I want this. I will never have this." These are the thoughts that go through my head during this movie. Over and over again. Maybe its unhealthy I watch this. Maybe I should stop. But damn, Ryan Gosling, you give me a little hope so I will continue to torture myself and watch this movie over and over again. 

2. Marley and Me. I was never a dog lover. And I certainly do not like Golden labs, but I had heard about this movie and decided I was going to read the book first. After all, I had a dog I loved who was a little nutty himself so I felt I could relate. I did not know the emotions this book would bring out in me. At this point, our family dog Reggie was still very healthy and active, but even reading this book I pictured him every time (even though not a lab) and I couldn't handle the thought of Reggie eventually dying. In my mind, he was invincible.

Reggie Baby

I knew that when the tears flowed while I read the book, I would be an inconsolable mess during the movie, but rented it anyway. I had not cried like that in a long time. I couldn't leave my apartment for over 2 hours because my eyes were so puffy and my nose so stuffed from crying. For someone that doesn't even like dogs, I just couldn't stop picturing my baby Reggie deteriorating like Marley. Well, Reggie was put down this past Winter, and I cried for days. It was one of the saddest days of my life. I have avoided this movie at all costs since Reggie's death and I don't think I will ever be able to watch it again. Ever. I think that would be a big mistake. And if I do, it will most def be alone in my apartment with no intention of going anywhere or doing anything the rest of that day. If I lost it watching this movie when Reggie was alive, I don't think I have it in me to do it now that he is gone. Man, I miss Reggie. Love you boo-boo.

3. My Sister's Keeper. Another movie based on a book. A book by my favorite author, Jodi Picoult. Like all of her books, once I start them, I cannot put them down and usually finish them within three days. With this book, I made the mistake of being toward the end of the book on the subway. Big mistake. There I was, starting to cry on train while reading. I was so into my book I didn't even care who was looking. I was just trying to wipe away my tears as best as I could.

When the movie came out, I had heard that the ending was different, but I knew if still sad, I would cry and if really happy, guess what, I would also cry. This was a lose-lose for me, but I did it to myself anyway. I have never cried on and off during a movie as much as this one. I don't think my eyes were dry for the entire 110 minutes of that movie. I even took out my contacts for this one because my eyes got so swollen from crying. And for the rest of the evening I was crying on and off at stupid things on TV. I have issues. Grrrr.

4. My Girl. This was one of the very first movies I openly cried at in the movie theater. I still remember when, where, and who I saw this movie with. It was a long time ago and this movie still gets me. I think it's the combination of their young age and the fact that I related so much to Anna Chlumsky. She was a tom-boy with a crush that she didn't want to admit. That was me at that age. And also at that time, who didn't love Macaulay Culkin? So with my close identification to her, and my crush on him, this movie seemed to hit close to home. As if I really lost him. I was a wreck when I first saw this movie and each time I see it again, it's almost as if I am transported back to that time.

5. Denny's death on Grey's Anatomy. I know this isn't a movie, but this episode of Grey's Anatomy was so emotionally draining, it must fall into this category. I don't watch Grey's anymore (haven't since after the second season), but if I see this episode come up on re-runs, I always DVR it and watch it. I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment, but I do it.

(On a side note, I had also heard that last season's finale was a tear-jerker and had to see it, so I DVR'ed that one as well and watched it. Even though I hadn't seen the show in years, I was sobbing like a mess. I even tried getting back into watching it again when this new current season began again, but no dice.)

There is a combination of things in this episode that have me lose my shit. It's Denny on his death bed, Izzy in her prom dress, her reaction to his death, and the song playing in the background that all make this scene so dramatic and emotional. I think if one of these things (probably dead Denny) was missing, this episode wouldn't be nearly as powerful, but they nailed it here. I couldn't even listen to the song, "Chasing Cars" without getting teary for a few weeks after, but I have since moved on from there. Baby steps for this chick.

As I wrote this I realized, these movies (and show) are not just for a good cry, they are good for a good sob. Who am I kidding? There are crying movies and there are sobbing movies. I guess, I should have clarified at the beginning, but its done. Sometimes a heaving, crying 2 hours is just what the doctor ordered. I still stand firm that its a great way to get out hidden emotions that you may have been bottling up and there is no shame in that. I say cry. And cry hard. It's healthy. Just make sure you have enough Kleenex by your side.