In the first two months of 2016, I have been focusing on things that I want and know will bring me happiness (my major goal of this year) and am trying to go after these things. For some, there have been improvements and that has made me happy, and dare I say, even proud of myself; but for others, there just seems to be a constant process of one step forward and two steps back. But such is life, right? I can only keep looking ahead and doing what's in my control.
From the get-go of 2016 I have said if one of four things went my way, I'd call this year a success. One in four; only 25% of what I really want, needs to come to fruition. That's not so much to ask for, is it? I want to to either win the city basketball title, get a new job that I am actually excited about, get a boyfriend, or earn a marathon PR. I just want one of these to go my way. I'll say it again: ONE. I mean, it would be truly amazing if all four happened this year (which isn't totally out of the question), but I am totally okay with just one. After having a suckfest in 2015, I am hoping the odds will be in my favor in good ole 2016. So here's where I'm at right now...
Basketball: Playoffs are in full swing and I am thrilled to say that my team went undefeated in the regular season (19-0 (16-0)) and once again earned the #1 seed in the city. I really couldn't believe that we didn't lose a single game this season and that we got this top seed again. To say I am proud of all my girls have accomplished so far this season is an understatement. However, the pressure is definitely on and I am most definitely feeling it. We are now two games into the playoffs are currently in the Elite Eight and hope to keep our win steak alive. My team is certainly the team to beat and the championship is ours to lose. Of course, I'm a nervous wreck inside but I am keeping my eye on the prize. More to come on this when the season ends. But damn, I want that city title. I want it so bad.
Work: So yeah, I still want a new job. I'm still sick of teaching. I still dread going to work everyday. I am just going through the motions day in and day out and that's no way to go through life. The Monday morning after this past break was really hard for me. It took a lot to fight back the tears as I was getting ready for work and entering the building to begin what is now a long stretch of work without a day off in sight. Sure it was great seeing the kids again, but I just didn't want to be there. It's so hard to go back to a job you are not happy at after having some time off. So very hard. I know I keep saying this, but I want (read: need) a job that I am excited about in the morning. Or at least one that doesn't fill me with dread. I have made some steps in this direction but still do not have much more clarity in this department. Sigh. Because work takes up so much of my life, this is something I really need to figure out for myself. And soon. Again, I have some ideas on what I want, but I may just have to take a leap of faith and see where the chips may fall.
Dating: I am honestly beginning to think that I am the problem and its not the guys. They're not flaky, they're uninterested. They're not too busy to hang out, they're uninterested. They didn't not get my text, they're uninterested. See a pattern here?? Yeah? Me too. I don't date that often, but when I actually do (I go through phases of giving it a go every three months or so), I always go in super open-minded and hoping for the best. I truly do. I start again because I feel the hope and I have the energy to try and make things happen. However, I keep having the same experience, after the same experience...after the same experience. And guess what? It's not a positive one. After texting for a few days (no more than this before meeting because that's just annoying), I get a feel if I actually want to go out with that person. If that does happen, it almost always starts out decently promising but quickly ends a few days later with a disappointment, usually in the form of a ghosting. Listen, I am not some delusional woman who thinks someone likes her when they don't. Why would I want to put myself out there to someone who clearly isn't feeling it? I don't do that because it doesn't feel so good. I feel I can read people decently well and if there is a vibe, its not one I am making up. So when a guy goes ahead and just disappears, it leaves me confused, discouraged, and of course, examining all of MY actions. More and more, I am wondering what it is that I have said and done to make this person not want to see me again. I guess I'll never figure it out. But what I do know is that I am not going to waste too much time thinking about it anymore. I just can't, because it really upsets me that at the age of 34, I still don't have this figured out.
Running: Running is my outlet. Running can absolutely drive me crazy one day and yet another day be the only thing to keep me sane and keeping a smile on my face. (Luckily it's usually the ladder.) Starting out my day with a fantastic run just sets the tone for a great day for me. Yesterday I ran 10 miles before work (my longest distance since the awful Chicago Marathon), and it was so incredible. I got up super early and ran along the Hudson as the sun rose and felt like I was owning the morning. If it wasn't for the fact I had to get home for work, I could have kept going. I felt that good. And that just made me so happy and started my Friday off so incredibly awesome.
Ever since the Chicago Marathon, I really re-evaluated my approach to my training. Clearly what I was doing wasn't working, so things needed to change. As I've mentioned before, I began working on faster, shorter runs and was seeing some improvements in my speed. I also decided I was going to sign up for some shorter races so I could test this out and see if I have gained speed in road races. About two weeks ago, I had a 4-mile race and PR'ed at this distance. I was ecstatic. I ran a sub-9:00 mile for this race and felt good the entire time. I also ran it two days after a bout with food poisoning. I think one of the reasons I ran so well was because I felt absolutely zero pressure to do so. I figured it wouldn't be a great race because I'd been sick, and it ended up being a PR. That's the trick for me I think: not putting pressure on myself to do well allows me to actually do well. Wow. Lightbulb. But how can I do that in races I deem important?? Needless to say, it was finally nice to see some of that hard work pay off. Now I just need to keep adding mileage with this speed and hope it continues to show in some upcoming longer races. Registration for the Chicago Marathon lottery opens up in two weeks and I have every intention to enter it again because I need to get my revenge on that course, and hopefully a PR.
Besides all this throughout the month, I had a great quick trip to Florida with my mama, I cleaned out my closets a bit (I donated 3 big garbage bags of clothes and shoes to charity) which is always very therapuetic, got some new super cute Lululemon pants, visited the Observation Deck at One World Trade (go there, its awesome!!) and Broad City finally started again. So all of these, although they might seem pretty minor, were highlights of the month. I still haven't planned a summer trip because where I'll be living next year is still very much in the air. If I stay in NYC then I will most def plan something (I REALLY want to go back to Europe), but if not, I will need to use my money for moving costs. Still some big decisions are coming down the pike.
In order to help improve with my mindset in making these things
happen, I've decided to start re-reading a book I purchased last year
called You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start
Living an Awesome Life. I bought it last year when I was in Florida
because the title alone really struck a chord with me. I was miserable at work, was
über lonely, and was panic-y about basketball. I needed something to give me
some perspective and the title of this book alone intrigued me so I
bought it. I read it over the course of a few days and my highlighter
went crazy. There were so many "ah-ha" quotes in there that really made me think about how my conscious and unconscious thoughts are controlling my actions and outcomes. I know it's kind of corny, but this book helped me better understand what I need to do to really
start living more awesomely. I am someone, who at times, truly believes
she is super badass, but then something doesn't go my way and I start
doubting everything else and questioning my greatness. While I was first reading the
book and for a while after I finished it the first time, I actually felt I made
some positive changes here and there and started to feel my mindset
shift, but as soon one thing fell apart, I let the others go to the
wayside and started getting frustrated and demoralized again about
everything else. And obviously if my head isn't in the right place, how can anything else be? Anyway, I am giving this book a second read because I
feel I need it again. I need the reminders of what I can and need to do to make things happen for me in order to achieve my goals and therefore achieve happiness and badassery. I want to feel awesome. I want to feel great and I
want to start living a truly awesome life; the one I know I am capable
and deserving of.Now that 2016 is two months down with ten to go, I still have a lot time to work towards and accomplish what I want. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my head on straight. I know that anything can happen at any time and I need to be ready. I also need to believe these things can happen. With Spring on the very near horizon, I am hoping warmer weather and sunnier skies bring the goodness too.
No comments:
Post a Comment