Back to It...

About three weeks ago, I started teaching again. Full time. Yup, it happened. And way sooner than I expected it to, but it was an opportunity I could not say no to. Even though this year was supposed to be my “adult gap year” to take a step back from full-time teaching and explore some other options, I was getting a little bit of an itch to get back to it and when this current great job appeared, it wasn’t something that I could pass up.

So really quick, let’s take it back to last June when I quit my full-time teaching (and coaching) job in New York City. It had been something I considered the previous year, but just couldn’t do because, lets be serious, I was too scared. I was scared of the leaving something that I had committed the past eleven years of my life to. I was scared of the financial instability of leaving my job. I was scared I really couldn’t make a career out of anything else because all I knew was teaching. And I was scared that I’d regret it when all was said and done. However, sometimes in life, you have to take a big risk and this was one that I needed to do. Plain and simple, I was just burnt out. I knew I had to quit this job to find my happiness again and I knew I wanted to be closer to my family. I had to do it. So I did.

I knew that I wasn’t ready to move to Chicago and immediately jump into teaching. Forget the part that there weren't any decent jobs available by the time I decided I would move back, but I just wasn’t ready. I had to take a giant step back from something that I use to love doing that I now found almost no joy in. It was a ginormous decision and one I didn’t take lightly, but I really felt it was the right one. So there it was: I quit my job, moved to Chicago, and was ready to start fresh in a new city. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I planned to get a job at Lululemon (which I got), substitute teach (which I did at a phenomenal private school), and teach spin classes (that didn’t work out so well for me unfortunately). I was lucky enough to have enough money in my savings to live off the very meager pay I was getting from Lulu and subbing, but I was not stressed out and I was happy. I needed that. After a while, when Lulu and subbing would conflict, I kind of realized I’d rather be subbing than work there. I enjoyed that job a lot (I like and respect the culture of the brand a ton), but being back in a school community and engaging with the students and the staff was something I missed. When Lulu ended in January, all I had for income was subbing. I was picking up gigs from K-12 at the school, as well as helping out with extracurriculars. I was feeling comfortable there and although not necessarily a place where I would want to teach full time, I loved being a part of a school community again, even with limited access (because hey, I was just a sub). Without the planning, the photocopying, the staff meetings, and the grading, I was enjoying being in the classroom again. After subbing in numerous grades and subjects, it also reassured me that being at the high school level was definitely where I belonged and enjoyed the most. However, since I was just a sub, I was missing the connections I would make with being with the same students everyday. When I finally got a long-term gig there for a teacher who got injured, it was nice being with the same kids everyday and building bonds with them. But even then, that was only for a month and a half.

All during this subbing time, I was realizing that I did indeed want to go back to teaching in the fall. I think taking the time off this year was much needed and made me realize that I actually missed teaching. That time off was 10000%  necessary in making that realization. I would occasionally check the Chicago Public Schools website for any current openings that might tickle my fancy. I had the flexibility to be picky and find a place that would be convenient for me to get to via public transportation and be the right fit if I wanted to do anything this year. One day, a job for a science teacher at one of the top schools in the state opened up. It was for Biology, Environmental Science, and Anatomy. Out of those three, I was only comfortable teaching one, but figured I’d apply, get the experience interviewing, see this amazing school first hand, and be on my merry way.

After not hearing from them for almost one and half month after reaching out, I totally forgot about it. Then one morning, I got an email to come in for a demo lesson and interview. Believe it or not, in my eleven years of teaching, I had never done a demo lesson for an interview. Mind you, I only interviewed at a handful of schools right out of grad school and didn't have to do them then. And then didn’t have to do it for my most recent school in NYC. For this one, they told me what topic the lesson would be on and how long to make it. The thought of doing that at a school of this caliber intimidated me so much that I almost didn’t go through with it, but figured I needed the interview experience for when I finally go back to teaching in the fall. I prepped what I thought was a pretty decent lesson, threw on a dress and some eyeliner, and was ready for this.

When I arrived at the school I was overtaken with its size. It’s enormous. As if their academic reputation didn’t precede them enough, the physical space was intimidating and overwhelming (but much more similar to a standard large high school like the one that I went to). Sure, I’m coming from the New York City Public School system (and even student taught at one of the best schools in New York), but this school is just so highly regarded for its excellence in academics (and athletics), and I felt like I didn’t belong. I went in and met the Science Department Chair and the teacher I would potentially be taking over for and everyone was so nice. I went in, did my demo, killed it, and was basically offered the job on the spot. Turns out though, even though the job description said Biology and the demo lesson was for a Biology class, the job was for AP Environmental Science and Anatomy; two classes I never taught before, let alone never even took as a student. But, and big BUT, I was being offered a job at this incredible school and would have the opportunity to make connections and network that would hopefully better allow to me find something great for next year.

After realizing what an amazing opportunity this was and getting over the fact that I didn’t believe I was smart enough to be there, I decided I could not say no to this. It would only be for about three months and I could get through it even though I wasn’t close to being comfortable with the content at this level. I would work my butt off and learn new stuff so I could teach it. I would make this happen (and would hope something would open up in the fall for me there too). Plus, I’d finally be making some decent money and maybe not have to dip into my savings every two weeks for at least part of April, May and June. (But with CPS, one never knows.)

So yeah, I accepted the job, prepped like crazy, shadowed the teacher for a day, and was finally ready for my first few days back in the game. All my classes are a majority of seniors with a sprinkle of juniors in them, and they are all really nice, smart kids. I knew I had to make a good first impression with them and get them to understand who I am as a person and as a teacher. And although many of them are beyond antsy for the school year to end (hello senioritis) and graduation and prom and all the other great end-of-year stuff, I do want them to learn something and enjoy being at school in this time.

Right now I’m three weeks in and it’s going pretty well so far. The kids have been really respectful and responsive. The school is so big that I really haven’t met any other teachers outside my department and my body is once again getting use to teaching all day and then just totally wanting to crash the minute I am done. I forgot how exhausting teaching full time is (and I even teach an extra
class).  Damn. It is certainly draining. And even though the weather is getting nicer, and I hate being inside when that happens, it feels good to have a steady job and a routine again. Don’t get me wrong; it was beyond amazing to not work everyday and have the freedom to do whatever I wanted,  but not making money kinda, sorta, MAJORLY sucked.

Although I didn’t want to jump into teaching this year for many reasons, I feel that taking this job, combined with the subbing I did in the fall and winter put me on the right track for a job at a great school in the fall if I choose to continue to move in that direction. I do feel that I am a good teacher and any school would be lucky to have me, but it’s finding the right one that best fits what I am looking for that concerns me. I fear that if I end up at the wrong school then I will end up as unhappy as I was when I left my old one. That had less to do with the actual school itself than the burn out from taking on too many things and not feeling appreciated, but at the wrong place, that could easily happen again and I am fearful. For now though, I am taking each day in stride and enjoying getting the necessary experience in the Chicago Public School system to hopefully land the perfect gig for next year. We shall see where this takes me, but for now, I definitely think it was the right decision. And don't think for a second, just because I'm there for a short time that there isn't a countdown to summer vacation already though...I'm human after all.