Eventually the pain lessened enough where I felt I could run again. It was still there, but not nearly as bad, and my stubborn self just wanted to get out there and run again because I had the grand plans to run the Illinois Marathon again in April because I loved that race so much when I ran it the previous year. When it became time to train for that, the pain was still there and before each run, I’d take two Tylenol and two Aleve and lube myself with some Biofreeze and grin and bear it. I also had made an appointment with a doctor to see what was up because not only was the pain there running and and doing stairs, it hurt to the touch on my knee. I had thought that part was bizarre and if I kneeled weirdly or hit it accidentally, the pain was brutal. At the appointment, the doctor said it was probably some tendinitis in my IT band from weak hips and hamstrings and said an MRI probably wouldn’t show anything so why waste my time and money getting one right now. With that, he recommended some physical therapy. Fine, I went. It couldn’t hurt, especially because I knew I had weak hips and hammies and I should strengthen them. I also started going back to acupuncture because it helped my hamstring so much in the past. But as the miles started to increase, so did the pain.
Every run hurt more than the next, but I was getting them done. However, when I was about 14 weeks into training and completed my last 16 miler, the thought of another four miles on top of that for my next long one, and then another six on top of that to make the marathon distance didn’t seem doable with the amount of pain I was experiencing. I was filling in my PT this whole time and told her I really thought something was wrong and that I wanted to get an MRI. I made an appointment with the doctor and she emailed him as well, and soon enough, I was getting my MRI. As it turned out, I had a tear in my IT band right at the insertion point in my knee, around the Gerdy’s Tubercle. I know my body and knew something was wrong, and lo and behold, there was. However, this wasn’t going to be easy because this was an extremely rare injury. The doctor had never seen it before and referred me to get a second opinion on treatment for it, so I did. All this while, I was running when I could and riding my bike and doing SoulCycle as well. The biking and cycling barely bothered my knee, so I did this often.
At the second opinion, a doctor I liked more than the original, also told me how rare this was and how he also hadn’t seen it before, but had read up on it after hearing from the first doctor and suggested we try a cortisone shot and then check-in in a couple of weeks, all while continuing PT. Fine. Again. It didn’t work so I was back there a couple weeks later and this time he said I should try PRP treatment. Basically they take my blood, spin it in a centrifuge, to separate the platelets from everything else, and then inject the platelets into my knee to start a inflammatory response that would allow the tissue to heal. This is still experimental and insurance wouldn’t cover it, but said it had some success and was worth a try. At this point, I was desperate for some relief and some answers, and figured, if it did work, I’d be out of $700, but it would totally be worth it. After the injection, I wasn’t allowed to exercise for a week and then could resume bike riding, but no running (or Soul) at all until our eight week check-up because that’s how long it supposed to take to work. Again, I was okay with that if it worked.
After the PRP, my knee seemed to hurt more than even before, which I was told was an inflammatory response and totally normal. Eventually, after the 7th week, the extra pain went away and I was back where I started. Ugh. Now I was out all that money and still in a lot of pain. We both knew what was coming next...surgery. However, he didn’t feel comfortable doing it because he had never done it before so told me I should get another MRI to see if anything has changed and go back to the original doctor to see what he was now thinking. Fine, I did that and left that appointment in tears feeling hopeless about ever running pain-free again. Nothing had worked so far, I was constantly in pain, I was beyond frustrated, and I had spent a lot of time and money in this whole process. When I got back in with the original doctor, he told me the tear was still there and that surgery was basically the next step. He also said he didn’t do this but could give me some names. With all this, I was even more upset because now I’d have to start from scratch with another new doctor.
At my next PT appointment (I had been going this whole time because again, it couldn’t hurt), I filled in my PT about this, all while crying. Obviously. She said she’d talk to her boss and colleagues and find someone who she thinks would be able to possibly solve this problem. She gave me a recommendation and I called and made an appointment in the upcoming weeks. This doctor had gotten my records from the other doctors and well as an email from my PT so we talked everything out and I gave him all the history with on how this had been going on for about a full year with no success. He listened to me and was understanding and said he would have tried all those things the others doctors had me try, but had one more option before surgery. He wanted me to get dry needling and deep tissue massaging with PT to increase blood flow to my knee to allow the tissue to possibly grow back. I would try this last resort option to avoid surgery, however I’d have to go to another PT to get this done because mine wasn’t certified in dry needling. I called around and was able to get into one soon and so began this last non-surgical option.
I had had dry needling before and knew it was intense so knew what I’d be going through. I went through all of this for six weeks and it was petty brutal. I was bruised and sore and had no improvement. Sigh. I went back to doctor number three with my dad in tow because I knew what was coming and since he’s so well versed in knee surgeries (he’s had MANY), he’d know the lingo and what questions to ask. By the end of the appointment, the surgery was scheduled and eeeek, this was finally happening. They were going to clean out the debris in my knee and then lengthen my IT band and reattach the torn part. I was terrified, but also hopeful. He said the surgery is rare, but he’s done it before and it has a 50/50 shot of working and I'd know if it worked about 6-8 weeks after surgery. It was better than nothing and worth a shot. The only other option was to continue to live with the pain and basically not be able to really run any long distance again. I was not okay with that.
Leading up to the surgery, after not running for weeks and weeks because of pain and not knowing what would be next and not wanting to do more damage, I decided that I was going to try and get some short morning runs in. And I did. They hurt a lot, but they made me so so happy. The sheer joy mixed with the adrenaline helped me cope. I had missed my pre-work sunrise runs more than anyone could ever know and I started to feel like myself again being able to do that. As the date of surgery got closer and I was pushing it a bit more than I should have, I was in a lot of pain and had to dial it back a little because it wasn’t tolerable.
Finally, on Dec 11, it was time to go under the knife. I stayed at my parents' house the night before and had to be at the surgery center at 5:30 am. I surprisingly slept decently well the night before and was ready for this to finally happen and perhaps finally get some relief. I had never had surgery or stitches before, or been put under general anesthesia, so there were lots of firsts. Whatever drug they gave me before the anesthesia to “relax” me was absolutely incredible and then they wheeled me in and before you know it I was knocked out and woke up back where I started. I wasn’t in a ton of pain because I was heavily medicated, but the drive back home was pretty uncomfortable. I stayed at my parents' house for about five days and then headed back to the city so I could go back to work. We had one week until winter break and I didn’t want to lose more days or take away more instructional time from the kids. I knew that once I got to my classroom, I’d be able to sit and elevate all day and teach my classes. I was still on crutches and now in a lot of pain, but I welcomed the distraction of my classes instead of just laying at home, alone.
Living alone and being on crutches is tough. I couldn’t bend my right knee at all and the pain was pretty bad. I honestly underestimated the pain. I think I have a pretty high physical pain threshold (especially after all my UC flares) and pride myself on that, but it was no match for this. The pain meds weren’t working and I was uncomfortable all the time. I had to stop taking the Norco because it made me super nauseous and the Tramadol did nada. Ugh. Also, I started my post-op PT and having my leg massaged and manipulated (even though I know it’s beneficial) hurt so ridiculously bad. And speaking of bad, oh my, the bruising on my leg was bad. Like shockingly bad. Again, I think I was naive to think that even though my knee was getting cut open, that I wouldn’t bruise like this. The bruise ran basically from my ankle all the way to about three inches below my butt. So yeah, down my entire leg. And every part of it was tender and painful, especially on the thigh. Even if a breeze grazed that giant bruise, it hurt like no other. The pain meds did nothing for me and I was constantly in tears or holding back tears from how much it hurt.
I guess I didn’t realize I would bruise that high up, but the fact they were basically pulling my IT band down to lengthen it during surgery, made it make sense. And yes, ouch. My thigh was one hundred times more sore than my knee. And my shin bruises hurt a lot too. Apparently it bruised all the way down my leg from gravity. Who knew?! But again, makes sense. I emailed the doctor telling him I was still in a great deal of pain and if I could try something else that may work. They prescribed me Percocet this time and really hoped it would work. Unfortunately, it didn’t help either. I feel like I have some weird immunity to narcotics/opioids because nothing that was supposed to help, did. I had a feeling about this because in the past when I’ve used them, they also did nothing for me either, but assumed it was a fluke and not a pattern. I would just have to cope with this pain knowing that it would get better each day. It had to.
Ten days after surgery, it was time to go in and get my stitches out. I thought this would help increase my mobility a little and also give me a chance to speak with the PA about the pain. I knew getting them out may be uncomfortable, but once the last stitch came out, my knee started gushing blood. Like gushing. It wouldn’t stop. With a lot of compression and time, it still didn’t stop, so they had to put in three new stitches. Annoying. This would only increase my recovery time now, but it clearly needed to be done.
So anyway, that’s where I am at now. I’m going to get these stitches out in a little over a week and hopefully by then, the swelling will go down and therefore my mobility will improve and the pain lessened. The bruising is improving each day and hopefully the tenderness will follow shortly. I want to be able to be more independent, but I need mobility to do that. Currently, I can’t even bend to put on a sock, let alone a shoe. It’s really difficult to get dressed in the morning because of my inability to bend my knee, but I’m trying to make due. Sweatpants have been my life lately and even though I love wearing them, enough is enough. (Wait, did I just say that?!) My parents and friends have helped out tremendously with rides to and from work, getting and carrying things for me, and even helping me shower (don’t worry, no one had to see me naked. Eeeek). As someone as independent as I am, it’s been really hard to have to ask people for help and then rely on them to do even the simplest tasks for me. It’s also made me accept the fact that I’ll be okay if I don’t shower twice a day; heck, even once. But don't worry, I certainly won't get use to that. I hate not feeling clean. It’s gross. But again, things will get easier.
As I approach being two weeks out from the surgery, I have to say, I didn’t realize it would be this hard or this painful, but I’m coping and keep telling myself it’s only going going to get better from here. As long as the end game is me running pain-free in a couple of months, I am more than fine with suffering now. I’ve already planned what I want my comeback race to be if I’m up to it (the Lakefront 10-miler in April) and I’m already in and signed up and paid for two fall marathons so clearly I have big 2020 race plans. However, I’m just going to say this, because I keep being reminded by everyone that knows how stubborn I am: I will not to push-it or overdo it. Don't worry. I will be patient and take my time on this road to recovery, because if I went through this for nothing, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. Cry more at the very minimum. But really, I'm wishing so hard that this is going to work and I'm ready to tackle this long run/road to recovery because I want it so badly. I want to run and run pain-free again and do the thing that I love so much. So please, feel free to send all the healing and positive vibes my way, cause I’m open to it all.
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