As many of you know, I spent this spring coaching a girls flag football team. I have coached the bowling team the last seven years (and none with winning seasons) and as much fun as it is, it's not a contact, competitive team sport like football. Growing up playing a ton of team sports, I know what its like to be a part of a team. There is so much more to it than playing. It's the game itself and the bond you form with your team. I know how it feels to win big games and lose big games. Obviously the feelings after these are dramatically different but the losses seem to be the ones I remember because of how upset I was after. Those games always seem to haunt me. (I can still vividly remember how my basketball season ended senior year of high school. Home playoff game. We were top seeded and lost to one of our rivals (who we had previously beaten already) with an half court buzzer beater. Needless to say, I was inconsolable. Yes, it still haunts me. I have issues, okay!)
At the start of this football season, I was very skeptical of how it would end. We didn't have too many good athletes and many of the girls didn't even know the rules of the game or how to throw and catch. The fact that we turned these girls into a team, and a winning one at that, should have been enough for me. When we knew we made the playoffs, we were pretty stoked. We were seeded 16 and were scheduled to play the 17 seed. It was obviously going to be a close game but I really expected us to come up with the victory. With four minutes to go in the game and a 12-7 lead, the other team scored and we ended up losing the game by two points. I was devastated. I think I took it harder than most of the girls, but much to my surprise I didn't cry in front of them. It was a minor victory for me, but as soon as I got home, I was a mess. I called my parents who so adorably answered the phone all excited with a "Well..." and then I broke down to them. I was hysterical. I was so disappointed and upset about the loss. I could almost hear them rolling their eyes at each other and I'm sure they then discussed how I need sports therapy as they've said since I was a teenager. Yup, I was never good at losing. Things clearly haven't changed much.
I have such high expectations in life especially when it comes to athletics, playing and coaching, and when I don't reach my goals I cry. (And sometime watching. When the Illini lost the NCAA National Championship basketball game in 2005 I may or may not have cried.) It's just my natural reaction for some reason to these things. I'm not proud of my reaction at my age, but it is what it is. The thing is though, this football season exceeded my expectations. We did so much better than anyone, including ourselves, did, and I think that's why I was so upset. In our first year in the league, we ended up being ranked second in Manhattan. Not too shabby. I was very proud of the girls and the season they had; I just wish it could have ended differently.
Anyway, this brings me to the point of losing in general which I have since been thinking about. I clearly take it harder than others in so many aspects and always have. So let's discuss losing a little bit and the different kinds of loss people endure...
Losing your virginity. Okay, okay, not gonna go there. Hehe. Onto the more serious...
Losing money or other material objects (phone, wallet, photos, homes, etc...). Losing a phone and a wallet and some other physical things can suck but at most, they are inconvenient. These things are replacable, but a lot of sentimental things cannot be. Photos and homes sometimes cannot. Not that this is a true "loss," but when my parents re-did my childhood bedroom and turned it into more of a guest room, I really felt that I lost a lot of my childhood. A lot of memories were made there and the familiarity and comfort there can never be replaced. I am still a little bitter about this.
Losing a job or opportunity you really wanted. When your hopes are up and you have some chances to get something you really want and don't get it, it hurts. Sometimes it gives you the drive you need to keep pushing forward and motivates you do keep doing better but sometimes it can really eat at you. If it's something you really want and feel you deserve, you will keep working toward it and hopefully one day you will get what you are after and what makes you happy.
Losing a friend/significant other. I am not talking as in death here but I am talking about a breaking up, friendship or relationship. Both suck. You feel a loss of someone very special to you. Someone who you cared deeply about and you may feel a gap for a long time. You miss that person when the relationship ends no matter if it ended on good terms, bad terms, or you simply just drifted apart gradually. You miss talking to them, confiding in them, or just knowing that someone else truly cares about you.
Losing a loved one (or even a pet). I am lucky enough (knock on wood) to have only lost one loved one in my life so far (Zayde) and one pet (Reggie). Both of them were devastating. I still can't talk about either today without tearing up or going into a full blown crying spell. If I close my eyes I can tell you exactly how I got the news of my Zayde's death and also seeing Reggie lying lifeless after he was put to sleep. Heartbreaking. (Okay, I am crying as a type this. I miss them both terribly.)
Losing hope. This is really a kicker because when hope is lost, what is there to look forward to? Hope is what keeps up going in life. The fact that things will improve. They will get better. That there is a light at the end of that tunnel. When hope is lost, its time to re-evaluate your situation. When this happens, you need to find what makes you happy and do more of it. There comes a time in almost everyone's life when they question themselves and ask themselves if their time will come. Whether its for a goal, a job, a mate, or whatever, it may sound corny, but keep hope alive. One day it will happen.
When its all said and done, losing a sporting event is pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yet it affects me so much. As if I don't say it enough on this blog, sports are a huge part of my life and define me to a certain degree. A lot of who I am is because of sports and I take great pride in that. They are important to me and no one can take that away from me. I can however try to not take them so personally and relax a bit. Maybe. Okay, I'll try!
And since I want to end this post on a positive note, lets talk about the one thing that is actually a happy loss... Losing weight! I haven't done that in a while, but when it does happens, its THE BEST.
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