Let's Keep It Alive

Hola! That's hello in Spanish. You're very welcome for dropping that little piece of knowledge on you. I took 6 years of Spanish but can barely speak it conversationally. I do know many words and can put a sentence together if need be but should know a lot more than I do. I lost so much of it over time. Spanish is one of those language that everyone seems to use and will throw in Spanish or even Spanglish words in everyday convo here and there. But most people know when they are using these non-English words and use them on purpose. But there is another language that people also use quite often and don't even realize its not English. That language is Yiddish.

Does anyone speak Yiddish anymore? Anyone besides my grandparents, that is? They both still speak pretty fluent Yiddish and speak it around us when they don't want us to know what they are talking about. They will talk about us right in front of our faces and we will have no idea what they are saying. Even though that can be sometimes be annoying, the Yiddish language is becoming lost and it's a damn shame.

I Can't Get Over It

I know at 30 and being single still, people always ask why. I mean I am clearly a catch and the fact that I still remain single is just a big mystery. Huge. Well I am going to let you in on a little secret: I am overly picky. Some may say shallow. Some might say superficial. And I am not saying they are wrong. I can be picky. I can be shallow. There are just certain things that I notice that I cannot get over when I meet a guy. I mean maybe if the guy was super amazing, I'd be able to get over it, but that hasn't happened yet. I am hoping that if it is someone I like enough, I will see past it to the point where I don't even notice it anymore. As I am trying to be more open minded, there are some things I just can't get over. Sorry. When a guy has one of the traits below, it it just pops out at me over and over again and it can't be ignored.

I don't think this would work either.

1) A bad name. I know this is totally out of the guy's control and we should all blame his parents for this, but whatever it may be, a bad name is a turn off. Geraldo, Alfonso, Gene, etc... I feel like guys my age shouldn't have names like that. They are more for the older generation. If I am embarrassed to say your name outloud, how can I introduce you to people without laughing and/or cringing? This is going to be a huge problem.

I wish I could get over this, but I can't. I once went on a date with guy named Boris. I never addressed him by name. In the two dates and few conversations via text we had, I never once called him by his name. I avoided it like the plague and was embarrassed to say it out loud to my friends.

Grow the F*** Up

I consider myself to have a pretty short temper. Well, maybe not so much a short temper, but little patience for stupidity, immaturity, and the ridiculous.  Little things aggravate me, but don't set me in a rage. It's not like I need anger management or anything, but certain things set me off more than others. When these times occur (like the case of the laundry bitch), I am what my mom would describe as "wild." I start to shake, I have to clench my fists, and I really have a huge desire to hit someone or something. Of course I would never lay my hands on anyone, but in those cases, I wish I had a punching bag in my immediate vicinity and could let out a very loud scream to release some of the anger. I try to vent to my mom or my friends and then try to walk it off, and sometimes it cools me down. Sometimes it doesn't.

Like I said, this rarely happens, but it just happened the other day. I was at work minding my own business playing on my phone. I went on Facebook and saw that I had a message.  I opened it immediately and noticed it was from my ex-boyfriend. The same ex-boyfriend who asked me to never contact him again in order to move on with his life and his new girlfriend (who is now his fiánce). The last time we had any contact with each other he once again told me how happy and in love he is. He loves reminding me and himself this little tidbit of information. If you need to keep telling yourself this over and over again, then its a little strange. I get it, since I broke up with you, you want to rub it in a little more that you found someone before me. Totally fine and understandable. But still a little weird. Anyway, because any relationship we had, romantic and platonic, was officially over, it was odd that I received any sort of message from him. All that it said was "I appreciate the thoughts on Father's Day but please unlike. Thanks." I was totally confused by this statement and wrote back "What are you talking about?" I was puzzled. I had zero idea what he was talking about. After being outraged for a second for him writing me to unlike something I clearly didn't like in the first place, I re-read the message. At this point I noticed his picture icon was one of his father. Then it hit me. He must have taken an old profile pic of his father that he used years ago and reposted it for Father's Day. I probably liked it years ago and he thought I just recently did. Idiot. 

Spreading the Gift of Poop

I have not denied my love for all things poop and farts (and also burps). They are all hilarious. Remember, everyone poops so you should never be shy about your bowels. You should know your audience, but you don't have to be shy about it. I know my audience pretty well and am grateful that many of my close friends are just as open about their bowels as I am. We talk about the frequency, the consistency and even the smell. Yes, we are very classy ladies! But once again, we know our audience and who we can and cannot discuss this stuff around. 

Because of all my GI issues (Hello again UC), much of this has become almost a running joke as to how open I can be. In fact, my friends and family will see things relating to poop and farts and often call or email me about it. Or even if they see something they know I would appreciate, they might buy it for me. I love a good gag gift. And if the gift is useful, that's even better. Three poop/fart related things I have received as gifts are below are are pretty awesome. They clearly show how much the people close to me know me so well.

1) Poo-Pourri. This gift actually came from one of my mom's closest friends. She knew I had been very ill and having more UC problems. She is super thoughtful and always buying gifts for people here and there. She saw this at a store and purchased one for my mom and one for me. It's a spray that you are supposed to spray in the toilet BEFORE you poop to eliminate the smell. Pretty genius idea. And also pretty clutch if you are pooping away from home. Things can get dicey when you don't have the home court advantage so having this (and even some matches) can help. I have yet to take it with me anywhere, basically because I forget, but I should give it a go elsewhere. I have tried it at home and it works decently. I mean, it definitely is better than nothing. It smells pretty nice and as the container says "Spritz in the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know."

Women Behaving Badly

I love reality TV as much as the next girl and usually if its on VH1, MTV, or Bravo I am tuning in. I also know that the more drama there is, the higher the ratings are. However, there comes a point where enough is enough with the dramz. The point where bullying (Basketball Wives I am looking at you especially) and pure nastiness occurs and its just too much. It loses its entertainment value and really just becomes unwatchable. I mean these are usually made up of grown-ass women. And in the case of many, grown-ass WEATLHY women. One would think that they would have some idea of common courtesy and class. But you know what Countess Luanne says "Money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned." She apparently speaks the truth. (Too bad she doesn't always follow her own advice.)

Usually in these reality shows, these women are forced to be around each other and booze in involved. Lots of booze. And when this happens, tempers seem to flare even more. I understand that most of the women probably wouldn't be friends or even spend any time together if the cameras weren't rolling, but geez. Some of the ladies actually do claim to be friends when the cameras aren't rolling and still go at each other's throats. It's amazing to me. And not in a good way.

It seems more and more shows are featuring the women's cattiness and trash talk and actually encourage it. Producers set up scenes where it can be featured and often times, situations seem to escalate where there is no reason for it to. Below are a few shows where this happens more times than not. I currently only watch one of them (I stopped with the rest), but am disgusted by the women's actions and thinking I might call it quits before the new season airs. You would think that the women who star in these shows would want a positive light to shine on them in the spotlight, but I guess sometimes any light will do.