Here or There?

School's out for the summer. Woohoo! I am going home to Chicago in a couple days and I absolutely cannot wait. When I tell people I am going home, they know I mean back to Chicago (or the suburbs, that is), to my parents house. But the reality is, although Chicago is and will always be home to me, I have set up quite a nice life for myself here in New York and this is my home for now. I've been here for eight great years now and I def know I am in it to win it here in the big city for at least for another three (I want to teach 10 years in the NYC school system and get my lifetime health benefits) and then I will take it from there and see if its time to move back home to Chicago or continue my life here. From the girl who expected to come out here for a year and head back home, its been quite the journey. I still can't believe I have been here for so long. I am super grateful to have such a great job, a solid group of friends, and I just re-signed my lease for another two years. Things have been going well. And I am happy. 

Here's the thing, although I LOVE going home, I don't really have any friends there anymore. When I go home, I hang out with my family 99% of the time. Things are different than when I would come home after my first year or two out here and I'd send out an email to my girlfriends and we'd all try to get together for dinner/drinks. That's doesn't happen anymore. We grew apart. There's no bad blood, the distance just caused the friendships to basically be non-existent now.  I don't reach out to them and they don't reach out to me. I am a firm believer that the phone (or email) works both ways so we are both at fault.

Also, my two closest friends from home moved away. My best friend from college (married and a mom now) lives in St. Louis and my high school best friend lives in Milwaukee (also married and with two kids) so they are not that convenient to see but we do make time if they are in town and I love seeing them. Although its still weird for me that they are someone's mother. Haha. And like I already said, almost all of my other college/high school friends that live in Chicago are all married with their own groups of friends and their own lives.
Usually after a trip back home to Chicago, it always makes me think that if I do move back home in three years, I will have to start from scratch. Obviously I would have to get a new job and apartment, but I would also have to make all new friends. This is scary. My old ones have their own lives and I don't want to just jump in that, nor would I think they would want me to. But its frightening to think that at 33 years old, I would need to start making new friends. And that is no easy task. Making female friends after college can be very hard for girls.

I don't stress thinking about this because it is a long time from now, but more and more it crosses my mind. I mean, I know three years is lifetime from now. A lot can happen in that time. I may actually meet someone that I am attracted to (this is rare) and then actually have him like me back (even more rare). I could get married. And gasp, I could have a kid. Three years is off in the distance but anything can happen. I am trying to think in the positive. But I also have to think realistically.  In three years I could still just be single. Alone. A Spinster. No, I will never be a spinster, but the thought of still being single in three years haunts me. I don't want that for myself. If that is the case though and my friends here in NYC are all coupled up by then, do I want to be single and lonely here in NYC or single and lonely in Chicago? At least in Chicago I will have my family which is a huge deal. I know I don't have to make this decision or anything anytime soon but I know it will come up when I am home so I have obviously been thinking about it a lot lately. I love both places so much so I am glad I don't have to make that decision now. I mean I guess I do at the end of each school year, and NYC clearly is the winner at the moment as I am still here. Until then, I am going to live my life here as I have been doing and especially take advantage of what I hope is going to be an awesome summer.