An Oasis Indeed

Last summer I did one of the most rewarding things of my life: I volunteered at CCFA's Camp Oasis. I vowed after being there that I would most definitely be back again this summer. Well, I just finished my second week there and once again, it ended up being being one of the highlights of my summer and something that really left an impression on me. (If you haven't read last summer's post, go quickly and read it. Seriously. NOW. Like, for real.) Even though nothing will compare to my first summer at Camp Oasis, this one was pretty fantastic for many of the same reasons, but also quite a few new ones. I knew what to expect as far as activities, I knew most of the people now, and I was a little more used to overnight camp living.

Once again, I was a counselor to the LIT (Leaders in Training) girls. Myself and three other co-counselors (who were so incredibly fun to work with) were in a cabin with 31 junior and senior high school girls. That's right, 31 girls! At first I was nervous it was such a big bunk with so many girls and so many personalities for such a short week in close quarters, but it worked out totally great. Obviously, all the girls in the cabin had Crohn's or Colitis and this was their one week getaway to be 100% surrounded with peers who know exactly what they are going through so they knew to make the best of it, especially since for some of them, it was their last summer as a camper.

This summer at camp had pretty much the same schedule as last year with all the regular camp activities (basketball, gaga, tennis, arts and crafts, archery, climbing wall, lake, etc...) as well as all camp color war activities and evening activities. We had our rest time and meet the doctor time and lots of all bunk convos and chats. (I literally laughed so much this week thanks not only to my girls, but my co-counselors as well.) Every one of us was just so happy to be there and so fun to be around. And when everyone else is having so much fun, it just made it so easy for me to have fun too.  I went in the lake everyday, and even went on the blob! So awesome. I made tons of lanyard (a specialty of mine), played a little tennis, ate LOTS of camp food (which I thought was surprisingly good), and facilitated small group conversations amongst some of the LIT's.

Camp, although absolutely incredible, not only left me physically tired, it also left me emotionally exhausted. People who haven't experienced this camp and all that it is don't fully understand the power that this place has. Looking from the outside in, you think this is a totally normal overnight camp that just has lots of medication times during the day, but as someone who is in the thick of it, you realize what a special place this is. There were so many times this week where I had to take a step back, take a deep breath, and hold back my tears because I was so simply blown away by so many of these kids. For one week out of the year they can truly be themselves and not worry about a thing because everyone else is just like them. On the regular, some of them are constantly in and out of the hospital. Some of them recently had surgery. Some of them have ostomy bags. Some of them are in pain and/or discomfort a majority of their day. And some of them know what all that's like and are now lucky enough now to be feeling great. But at Camp Oasis they can more or less forget about all of that and just be a kid. To see them in action with their peers and hear them talk about the importance of camp in their life is truly incredible.

I felt my role this week was not only to make sure my girls had a fun and safe week, but I wanted to serve as a role model to them and show them so much life can be lived with IBD. With this age of girls (aged 16-18) they have a pretty good sense of their disease at this point. They can articulate what they've been through and how it's affected them. Talking to them about it also helped me really think about my life living with Colitis and how it affects me. Just like last year, I came away with some revelations about how camp and how my disease affect my everyday life...

Realizations this week:
1) I really think I do have a gift for working with teenagers. (I don't mean to toot my own horn on this front, but toot, toot.) Sure I work with teenagers on two different levels during the school year: in the classroom and on the basketball court/football field. In both of those settings I connect with them well, but in different ways. For some of my girls, they get the best of both worlds if I teach them and they're on one of my teams. At camp, there's a totally third unique dimension because we are actually living together under one roof. Being in a cabin together, going through the day doing most of our activities together, and eating all our meals together really bonds everyone super fast, which is to be expected. You get to know people on a special level, especially when you share the same disease and can be open about. Additionally, since I am a habitual oversharer and am very outgoing, this tends to make people feel more comfortable around me (that is, if they're not immediately offended by me). I also don't take myself too seriously (in these situations at least) and am not afraid to be silly or make an ass of myself for the sake of making someone else feel comfortable. I think this is actually what makes children and teenagers feel safe around me. I think these traits combined with my passion for working out helps motivate teenage girls to be better. Many of them often are so intrigued by all that I do and my passion and motivation for wanting to be active and work out. I think this is often something surprising and inspiring to them and they want to see what it's all about and maybe even do some of it when they are older. With my Colitis, I also believe its important they can see that someone with their disease can be so active and do so much.

2) Being surrounded by people who actually understand exactly what you've been through medically is pretty important. My biggest takeaway last year was how important it was to me to finally be connected to a group of individuals who knew exactly what I have been through medically because of my Colitis. I never realized I needed that in my life and I found it with people from camp. This was equally important this year and important to point out yet again. All of us at camp have this unique bond that is hard to describe. Even though we may not talk about our diseases all the time (a majority of the time it doesn't come up), we know its the reason its brought us together. I know if and when I do need to talk about things, I can reach out to them. (And if I need to run to the bathroom really quickly and just book out of the room. And then if I want to graphically describe my poop. Or need to fart. Or whatever stomach-related things others find disgusting and don't talk about, these people GET IT.) This is super important not only for the Oasis campers, but also for us adults.

3) As much as I don't think my Colitis affects my life right now, it does. This is the healthiest I have been in a long time. I haven't had a flare in about 16 months, which is the longest I've been flare-free in many, many years and I am so grateful that my meds are working and things health-wise are currently on my side. However, as many of you know, I had been unhappy at work almost the entire second half of the year. I can't exactly pinpoint what it is but I think I am just bored on-edge all the time and am frankly am ready for a change in careers soon. However, one of the things that I think has held me back a little is my Colitis. I hadn't really thought about it whole-heartedly, but camp really made me see that it does hold me back a little on this front. I can't be someone that just quits their job and see what happens. A) It's not in my personality not to have a plan. But B) I need my health insurance. Sure, everyone needs health insurance, but I rely on mine to keep me healthy. I take daily oral medication on top of my Remicade every 6-weeks and this is necessary to my quality of life. Neither of these things are cheap and with a pre-existing condition like Colitis, its not like insurance companies are lining up to help me out and if I go with one, it certainly will be super expensive. Additionally, the thought of having to change insurance and get a new gastro that I like and trust and everything that goes along with that is super stressful, annoying, and just not easy. These are things that other people might not have to worry about and something that I really have to consider. Furthurmore, if I do switch jobs, they have to be understanding about my treatments. My school has been so great about letting me either come in late or leave early for Remicade without docking me because they understand it is necessary for me in order to maintain my health. Other places not be so nice about this. Ugh. Thinking about all of this just adds more complications to an already upsetting thing. I will figure out the job thing (either getting happier at where I am or make a big change) soon enough but until then, I also can't let it get to me because stress is my biggest flare trigger. 

4) Running is truly relaxing and enjoyable for me when its on my own terms. For the last few weeks my body has been perpetually fatigued and sore. I haven't necessarily been sick of running, but it's definitely taken a toll on my body and I feel like I can't stop because marathon training is in full swing. My body needed a break though so going away to camp was perfect timing to get that done. I knew I may not have the time or energy to get off the campgrounds to run but had packed two running outfits and didn't wasn't going to feel pressured to wear them if I wasn't feeling up to it. By the 4th day of camp, not only were my legs feeling decent, but I was craving some alone time and running seemed like the perfect remedy. I decided to set my alarm early before the morning wake-up bugle and was so psyched to run. I did this two times in my week at camp and both time were glorious. It was awesome to run in the country and have some "me time" away from it all. I loved exploring lovely Elizaville, New York and all the lakes and greenery around (and even a waterfall too). I even passed a farm with sheep, saw some roosters, and saw two (!!) deer! Going on these runs, altough they were both on very little sleep recharged me so much mentally and just made me so happy. Once again, it made me feel lucky that I have running as not only a hobby, but a passion.

After traveling so much this summer, I had barely been in New York. And even though I was so excited to go back to camp, I was tired and irritable when I got there. I aching to just be in the city and do my own thing because I hadn't had much of it this summer. For the first two days, I was into camp, but not as much as I could have been. But by day three, I was having so much fun, I was over it and knew I'd have time to myself to just enjoy the city when I got back. That's how great it was. Once again, I am grateful to have had this experience and to have shared it with so many wonderful people. I came into it thinking it may be my last summer there because I am by far the oldest counselor and making time for it might be difficult depending on where I may be living but time will tell and I will figure things out. Until then, I am going to bask in the happiness that I feel right now after another wonderful week at Camp Oasis.