"Feeding" into the cycle

It's not a secret I am always trying to lose weight. Or at least not gain anymore. Ever. It seems that the watching of my waistline never stops. This has been an ongoing issue since high school and I don't think its a fight I am going to win.  Even though I am not at a weight that I am happy with, I do however, consider myself to be very knowledgeable in the area of dieting, nutrition, and fitness because it has been such a big part of my life. It's always on my mind. It seems that 90% of my life is worrying about my workouts and my food. It's awfully tiring.

The diet industry continues to make millions and millions of dollars every year and its because of women like me. And even though I know this, I feed into to fad diets.  And fad diets really are just that: diets. They are not lifestyle changes. People will go on these diets, lose weight, and then once they stop, they gain it right back. When they do this, they either go back to the original diet or they try a new one. I know this from experience. A lot of experience. It's not something that I am proud of, but it is the truth. I wish I was someone that ate to live, but as it happens to be, I am someone that lives to eat. I love to eat. There I said it. Eating is fun. It can be sociable. And it's oftentimes delicious. Food can make me feel better and put a smile on my face. I am not ashamed to say so. However, sometimes its the over consumption of said food that then makes me feel even worse. It's a bad cycle to fall into.


I have attempted and succeeded at many diets. I have also attempted and failed some of those very same diets. I will start them and be super hardcore and then I usually get tired of doing it and stop or get lazy. And when I stop, the weight loss stops. I guess that's why diets are diets. I am not making an overhaul and permanent change, I am just doing something different for a short (or long) period of time in hopes of seeing results. Over the last 10 years or so, these are a few weight loss fads I have tried.

Slim Fast. I did Slim Fast with my roommate sophomore year of college. When we did this, there weren't all the Slim Fast products that there are today which limited the variety of my day-to-day choices. I would have a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a big salad with chicken for dinner. I would snack on fruits and veggies in between meals. I really didn't mind it all that much. Yes, I was hungry sometimes during the day (not a pleasant feeling), but I also lost weight doing this. I enjoy the shakes and love a big salad, but in order to get full from the shakes, I would have to drink a lot of water in between sips to be full. I know most people are hungry all the time on diets, but I don't think that's something that necessarily needs to/should happen.

Weight Watchers. This was my most successful method of weight loss. In total I lost 25 pounds in about 8 months. I even at a 6-pack at my leanest.  My junior year of college, I decided I needed a change and I had heard a lot of good things about Weight Watchers so I joined the local Champaign, IL meeting and started up. I was going to weekly weigh-ins and meetings and following their point system to a "T." It was working for me and I was eating A LOT! I also exercised A LOT. At least two hours a day. About one hour of cardio and one hour of weight lifting. I was soooo motivated and nothing could stop me from losing weight. It was a long process and a lot of planning (and I became borderline obsessed with counting points), but once my social life picked up, the idea keeping track of points went out the door. And the weight came back.

I have come back to WW a few times in the last 10 years. I have never been quite as successful as the first time because I was a psycho about it, but I do know that it works if you really stick to the plan. I know they say its not a diet, but a lifestyle, and I get that. But for someone who already eats pretty healthy like myself, I have to be super strict about it for it to show results. As soon as I stopped counting points as hardcore as I do right at the start, the weight began to creep back up. There are still certain pointers that I picked up from WW that I still practice today. I can even look at the nutritional information on a box of food and tell you how many points that is and its always in the back of my mind. Always. So even though I have put the pounds back on and no longer have 6-pack abs, a lot of tips have stuck with me and always will. 

Nutrisystem. My most recent trial of weight-loss was this delivery food service. And you know what, it worked. I did Nutrisystem for about 3 months and it was easy. They shipped me a big box of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desserts for one month at a time and all I had to do was add in fruits, veggies and protein. It was pretty thoughtless which I appreciated because the meals were right at my fingertips and I just had to heat them up. However, the boxes for the food have Nutrisystem written all over them and I didn't want people to know I was on it so that was a little annoying. But it did work. Portion control is my biggest problem and with Nutrisystem, that part was handled for me.

Diet Pills: (Alli and Xenadrine.) I am not proud to say that I have tried these diet pills, but I have. I am telling you, if there was a magic pill to lose weight, I'd be first in line. And I am sure there would be many women lined up blocks and blocks behind me. Both of these pills caused me to lose a little weight at first but I never know if it was the actual pill (prob not) or the fact I am was always trying that much harder to watch what I ate and work out a little more. Needless to say, I didn't stick with either pills for too long.

For someone that doesn't even drink caffeine, the Xenadrine was a little too much for me because the stuff in there basically gives you tons of energy and kind of (not really) diminishes your appetite. I don't need extra energy so it made me very anxious and shaky. And I didn't like that feeling. Also, my heart did beat a little faster which freaked me out a bit. It didn't happen every time, but a few times were a few times too many.

The Alli really made me watch what I ate because its whole purpose was to bind to any fat you ate and then you would poop it out and actually see the fat droplets (like little orange oil droplets) in your poop. Yep. A very visible result. However, one of the side effects on the label was if you ate too much fat, anal leakage could occur and that fear just resonated with me too much to continue using it. On top of worrying about my weight, I didn't need to continually worry if my ass would leak orange oil. No thank you. Not worth it.

I am sure you might be thinking "Well if you just ate healthy and exercised you would be a normal weight." Well, guess what? I've tried that too, and my weight is not "normal" to me. Yes it stays steady which is all well and good. I know I have an athletic build but unfortunately that number on the scale still does have meaning to me. And affects me. I wish it didn't. And I wish that I didn't worry about how my body looks all the time. I know I am healthy and that my body is strong and that should count for something. (And believe me, it does sometimes.) I also know that I will never be waif thin, nor do I even want to be. I just would like to be at a weight where I can look in a mirror naked and smile. Or at least not want to cry. I don't know if this is a realistic goal for me but its one I am constantly working on.  Not just with my regular diet and workouts but with my thoughts too. It's a work in progress and as I continue to work on my body, I will also try to work on my mind.