Everyone who knows me well knows that I am not a huge fan of my birthday. I don't like to celebrate it or bring attention to it if I don't have to. It's just another reminder that I am getting older (and am still alone) and no one really likes to be reminded of that. I guess the good thing is that I rarely actually realize how old I am. Seriously, I feel 23 most of the time, which I guess is a great thing But when the reality hits me that I am indeed TEN years older than that, it can be slightly crushing. Yikes. But I do know there is still plenty of time to do, see, and experience so much.
As I have done since starting this blog, I have reminisced the good and the bad of the previous year. I think it's important to remember both. Both the highs and the lows have shaped the 32nd year of my life and I don't want to forget any of it. (Thankfully I have a blog where I can document it all and look back. I will love this in my old and gray days.) Of course I thought about much of what has happened this year while writing my New Years post, but I was too concentrated on my goals and what I wanted to accomplish in year 33 to bother discussing them. I wanted to focus on moving forward. But today, I take a look back on what 32 brought to me; the highs and lows. And of course, the lows are first because I want to end on a high note.
LOWS:
1) Lonliness has set in. Alot. And I've written about it a few times. As well as things seem to go for me, I constantly feel a void for a boyfriend. I want someone to come home to and share my good day with. Or if it's a shitty day, someone to vent to and comfort me. But its not only male companionship I crave, I also feel that many of my friends don't share many of the same interests as myself and I often have a hard time finding someone to go to a sporting event, concert, or even a mini-vacay with. This can be a huge bummer a lot of the time because sometimes I feel I am missing out on opportunities. But thankfully I am independent enough to do some of it on my own, but I just wish I had a "go-to" in a man.
2) Losing a student. The death of a child is never an easy thing to accept. When that child happens to be a 14-year old student of mine who was killed on his way to school, its utterly heartbreaking. Death isn't something that I am use to (and it's not something anyone should ever get use to), but to lose someone so young, so happy, and so full of energy is just horrible.
3) Yet another Ulcerative Colitis Flare. This one came on fast and strong AND the medicines that usually work didn't do the trick. This flare came at the usual time of mid-February and took a little while to get rid of. Because of it, I had me cancel the Washington DC half marathon and little weekend getaway to our nation's capital that I was so looking forward to. This was utterly disappointing and frustrating because it was so out of my control, but it's part of the disease. Although I will never accept this, it is a reality of my life. With more frequent and stronger Remicade doses, perhaps this will be the first year in a long time with no flare-ups. Fingers crossed.
A HIGH AND A LOW:
Chicago and New York City Marathons. Booooooo to not PRing in either race, but big fat yaaayyyy for completing two marathons within three weeks of each other. After Chicago, I was in a bit of a funk because I missed my goal time. I had worked so hard and gotten thisclose to a PR, but didn't get it. Tears flowed for a few days and it was time to concentrate on the next race. It was really hard for me to shift focus to New York and get into the mental mindset on what I was doing (running another 26.2 miles) and why I was doing it (to raise money and awareness for Team IBDKids). I really wanted to be able to just run New York for fun and take it all in and even though that didn't happen, I was so happy and proud of myself after the race. I had done it. Two of the world's major marathons in less than 21 days of each other. And I stayed healthy. It really was a testament to "if the mind believes, the body achieves" thinking as far as my legs go. I knew I could do it, but it was just a matter of constantly reminding myself that I have done it before and I could do it again. And I did. And although I was burnt out and miserable the days leading up to both races, I kind of can't wait to do it all over again!
HIGHS:
1) 10 year anniversary in New York. Who can believe it? I am officially a New Yorker. I have lived in this great city for over ten years and I really can't even believe it myself. I have a great job, some good friends, and an apartment that I call my home. I have carved out a niche for myself in this city and not just survived this concrete jungle, but have thrived. I have truly grown to love the city of New York and if and when I ever leave, I will truly miss it. I still have to pinch myself occasionally to remind myself that this is indeed, my reality. From my sunrise runs in Central Park or along the river, to seeing the Thanksgiving Day Parade and Rockefeller Christmas tree live and in person, to days where I just wander around this amazing town, I truly feel lucky to live here.
2) Coaching. Girls Flag football AND girls basketball. Yes. This is more like it. More like me. I am a sporty girl. There is no doubt about that. Sports are a HUGE part of my life and they have shaped me to be the woman I am today in so many ways. In the spring, my school got a girls varsity flag football team and I coached it. And then this winter, the girls basketball coaching position opened up. Football was a pleasant surprise because I knew I'd have fun, but I didn't expect to have so much fun. Winning didn't hurt either! Because it was the first year as a team so I didn't feel too much pressure and really enjoyed myself. With basketball, there is a ton more pressure, but I am still having a blast. And once again, winning doesn't hurt either. With this season halfway complete, there is still a lot of unfinished business to take care of. I just hope it includes a lot more W's.
3) Camp Oasis. The girl that HATED going away to overnight camp, finally went back as a counselor and absolutely loved it. And I did it all by myself and for a phenomenal cause. And I made a really good friend out of it (A-Money, here is your shout out girllllll.) I can't wait to go back next summer and be inspired again by the strong kids that make this camp so special. And have a super fun time doing it.
So thirty-two is in the books. Yikes. There is hopefully lot of great things on the agenda for thirty-three and I cannot wait. I am going to continue coaching, keep with the running, and I just booked a summer trip back to Europe. #RayRaysEuroVacay2 is happening. This I cannot wait for. Spain, Portugal, and Prague are now becoming a reality so I need July to get here ASAP. I am so happy to have something so amazing to look forward to. I know I say every year has got to be the year, but 33 really needs to be it because as each year passes, it's hard to keep telling myself this will be "the year." It's in my hands and I am the controller of my own destiny so I am trying to step up and take more of a lead to live the happy (and healthy) life I know I so deserve.
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