He's Just Not That Into You

I decided to watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You this past weekend when it was on TV.  Although I have seen numerous times, I felt the need to DVR it and watch it again.  I already know how true the title of the movie is and that it might as well be called "The Story of My Life" but whatevs. I also remember when the phrase "He's just not that into you" was first spoken on television. It was the episode of SATC when Berger was at dinner with Carrie and Miranda. While Miranda was talking about a guy she liked who she hadn't heard from, her and Carrie began making excuses for this dude. They ask for Berger's opinion on the sitch, and he gives it to her straight with the now famous line "He's just not that into you." Carrie was mortified and Miranda was enlightened.  It was some of the best advice she had ever gotten. Coming from another guy, Miranda felt relieved, felt a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and wanted more information. Why had she wasted her time thinking about a guy who most obviously wasn't thinking about her? And why were her friends making excuses for this guy who obviously didn't like their friend?

This happens way too often to women of all ages. We meet a guy, we like him, we go out one or more times, then things come to a halt.  Instead of believing that he really just isn't interested anymore (because he's obviously too big of a jerk/pussy to tell us), we make excuses for why we haven't heard from him. "Maybe he's sick?" "Family emergency?" He's probably really caught up at work." "Wait, is my phone even working?" or some of the ones from the movie of friends telling other friends why the guy didn't call:

• "He likes you too you too much. You're too pretty and too awesome. He can't handle it."
• "I am sure he just lost your number"
• "He's not asking you out because he's intimidated by your professional success."
• "Trust me, he's just getting out of a serious relationship"
• "Trust me, its because he's never had a serious relationship"

I am guilty of thinking these or saying these to some of my friends (especially the first one), and meaning them.  I mean, why would someone NOT be into me? Or any of my friends? You are the company you keep after all, and I am awesome, so obvi they are as well. He can't NOT be into me. It has to be one of these things above and/or he has terrible taste in women. But the truth is, he really isn't feeling it. He doesn't like me. And that's fine, but its just a huge blow to the ego that straight up sucks. And its even harder for us when we hold on the idea of this whole thing working out anyway. I mean, I really this guy, but if he actually does like me, he WILL call. If we can only just be honest with ourselves and to each other, we would feel so much better. And we deserve that.

So why do us girls make these excuses for these guys? And why do our friends help perpetuate them?  I am friends with some intelligent, fun, smart and amazing women, but sometimes we get so caught up in this shit; we lose ourselves a bit. We actually don't believe why someone wouldn't be interested in us. It's like we need to hear it straight from his mouth which will never happen or just get that epiphany that Miranda got from Berger. That shouldn't have to happen. We know we are fantastic and deserve the best, yet we wait around for this guy or decide that we are the ones that are going to take the lead. Sorry ladies, if he really likes us, he will take charge and pursue us, not the other way around. It will happen. (At least that's what I keep having to tell myself.) Why would I want to hang out with a guy that doesn't reciprocate those feelings? I deserve the best and I know this so I am not going to waste my time with any excuses anymore. I don't have the time, energy, or patience for it. And I am better than this! If he likes me, he will take action. Period. End of story.

And if you don't believe that the dude really isn't into even though you and your friends are making excuses for him, maybe some random stranger on the street will set you straight.