Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy says, “Hey, I like spending time with you. You are also very (pretty/smart//funny). I would like to take you on a date.” Girl likes boy. Girl replies, “Oh, that sounds like fun.” Boy says, “Awesome. Let’s get (drinks/coffee/ice cream). How does (semi-hip but not too fancy bar/hipster coffee house/ Serendipity) on (Friday/Saturday/Sunday) at (7/8/9).” Girl exclaims, “Perfect! I will see you then. It’s a DATE.”
In a perfect world, this is how things would go down. It’s not brain surgery after all, it’s just dating. However, it seems now a days we lack communication skills and are always looking to save face. Therefore, the scenario more often than not, goes like this: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy sends girl a Facebook message that says something along the lines of: Hey, so great running into you the other day. If you are ever in midtown (i.e. where I live and work), let me know. I will buy you a drink. I know a really great bar where they always have $2 beer specials. Let me know.
Clearly, I swoon over messages like this. Facebook Guy is basically saying, hey if you are in a location that is convenient for me, at a time that works for me, than I am more than willing to buy you a $2 drink. I will not call it a date. I will make it seem as CASUAL as possible. I will actually make you set up the entire thing, but don’t forget, I will buy you a beer. So, the question is: Is this a date?
If you weren’t sure, Facebook Guy is real, and Facebook Guy did pay for my drinks that night. We had fun, but the whole time I had no idea if this was just two friends drinking where one friend paid for the other, OR if this was a date. He didn’t try to kiss me when the non-date-date was over, therefore I declared it was NOT a date. Maybe he was deciding if he wanted to date me with a “trial date.” Maybe I didn’t pass the test, which was why he didn’t try to kiss me. Fair enough, Facebook Guy. To my surprise, a week or so later, he asked me out again. Or rather, suggested we see a movie together. In which he paid for my ticket. I insisted on buying the pre-movie drink, as if we were just going to be going out as friends, it was only fair. We drank, saw the movie, had a good old time again, and then NOTHING. No kiss. No, “Hey this was really great and you’re pretty and I would like to date you, but I am too nervous to make the move to kiss you right now, but know that in a few more dates it’s going to happen.” Nope. None of that. I am usually pretty patient, but when he tried to take me out again I was so confused on what the situation was that I just could not bring myself to say yes. I could not go on any more non-date-dates with Facebook Guy. The non-relationship was over.
What is the moral of this story? The moral is simple: Be clear with your intentions. If Facebook Guy wanted to to just be my friend then he should not have paid for my drinks/movie tickets. If Facebook Guy wanted to date me he should have asked me on a date. I know it isn’t easy. I am surprisingly shy when it comes to matters of the heart. I am not always the best communicator. However, knowing what I know now, if I EVER ask anyone out I will use the word DATE in the sentence. If they aren’t interested in dating me I’d like to know sooner rather than later, and if they do want to date me, I would like to know that I am indeed on a date so that when I try to kiss them at their door when I walk them home (yeah I’m classy, what of it?) they won’t be thrown off. They will simply say, “That was an amazing date. Thank you for kissing me goodnight. I will CALL you tomorrow.” And then he will!
Author: The Gu
Going on a non-date date and not knowing what it means is something guys in NYC tend to get away with. A lot. Not okay. But bravo to you for not putting yourself in that sitch again.
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