Are you "my type"?

Those of you who know who I am know exactly what I am looking for in a guy. You know what "my type" is. You will see a guy walking down the street and nudge me to point him out. Who is he? Any nice-looking athletic black guy. Kidding! Kind of.

If you have been reading this blog, you also know what my dealbreakers are and what my "must-haves" are. But who is "my type" exactly? Well, so glad you asked...

Physically, my type is tall, dark, and handsome.  The first thing I notice about someone is their build. I love a strong, athletic build. Like about 6 foot 2 and about 200 pounds. The body of a basketball player or a football player. You can't be too skinny. Ugh. I want to be able to sit on your lap and not have to worry about squishing you. That whole "I am not going to put all my weight on your lap even if it means my legs are shaking and burning from the pain squatting to make you think I am not so heavy" thing is not something I want to constantly deal with. You girls know what I am talking about, right? Also, you can't be shorter than me. Once we get the height and weight approved, I will notice your smile next. Teeth are a biggie for me. You must, must, must have straight, white teeth. No summer teeth allowed (some are there, some are not. Get it? Get it?) You can't have straight and yellow. Or crooked and white. They have to be straight and white. Period. Next, I look at the eyes. I hope they are blue, but I guess any color is okay. Not too picky there, but there has to be a "spark" of some kind. Moving on. You can't be too pale, but obviously not Jersey Shore orange. A nice natural darker tone will suffice, thank you very much. You will also probably be surprised to know that baldness doesn't bother me as long as you embrace it. I really could go on and on but I don't want to totally overdo it at the moment as you are probably thinking to yourself "no wonder she is still single...she is pretty picky." And although true, I deserve to know and get what I want.

So as long as you probably think I am a shallow asshole (which I totally am 85% of the time), let's get to the personality of someone "my type". You must have a fabulous sense of humor. A great sense of humor will get you far and keep me interested. I love to laugh and really enjoy making people laugh. Witty banter and toilet humor is encouraged. Also, as a dude, you must be able to hold your own in a sports conversation, otherwise, you can see your way out the door. Immediately. You also must know some pop culture: music, TV, movies, celeb gossip. Otherwise I assume you live in a bubble and this will just frustrate me because I watch a lot of TV and read a lot and like to discuss this kind of stuff. You gotta be able to keep up. The three things just mentioned are what I really look for immediately. And obviously you have to be intelligent and be able to hold a conversation.  Express yourself and listen. Once I realize this, you have probably peaked my interest and we can start discussing other, more pressing issues, but these are my feelers.

This post must seem like a profile for an online dating site, but we know how I feel about those. Not gonna happen anytime soon. (Yes, I know I am 30 and still single, but give me a little more time!) I also know all of this might seem oh so superficial, especially from someone who has issues with her own appearance and tends to be self-conscious, but it's not like I am looking for a supermodel or professional athlete. I just know what I want. I don't know if I will ever find it. Or maybe I will shock everyone and find someone the exact opposite of "my type": Short, scrawny, pale, with gross teeth who enjoys theater/musicals, plays the guitar and doesn't own a TV. Ha. Doubtful. Who are we kidding here? And for those that read this and think, its what's on the inside that really counts, I partially agree. You usually notice someone first from the outside before you give them the chance to know their inside. But let's be serious, you need some eye candy along with the charming, warm personality. You know it. And yes, I do believe that someone's personality makes them more attractive so don't bother going there. I get it all. But I still know what I am most attracted to. So if you are a dude, or know a dude, that meets these requirements, tell them you know "A Catch".